WANTING to be a single mummy..

[mBLACK]

Was thinking about my future with my LO & future babies I may or may not have (hopefully will though), and realized I LIKE being a single mom. I actually prefer it, and someday when I have more chilren I would rather raise them by myself. I am dating somebody right now, but even if our relashionship goes far I don't ever see him 'parenting' my LO.


I know it's selfish, but it just seems that you have to depend on yourself & only yourself just incase.
Is there anybody out there who shares my feelings?

 

[stacyjune]

Hey there. I have practically brought my first child up as a single parent. I am currently expecting baby number 2 and my partner of 10 months is fantastic with my daughter. But......I must admit there are days i think i really would prefer to be alone with my children. My partner will make a good father but we do disagree on alot of things and i get days where i think OMG why can't he just go and leave me to it.
My partner is my mr right so deep down i know i wouldn't ever let things go so far as to let him leave. I really do hope you find the right one and you change your mind on wanting to be a single parent. It can be very lonely and sometimes you need a minute to yourself so being single can have it's disadvantages too.
Good luck

 

[Serene123]

I'm not even a single parent (yet) and I do wish I was sometimes..

I feel like one. He is never here.

 

[ryder]

I dont think i'd ever want to be a single mom... lol... I was brought up with only my mom and it was horrible. We never had money, I never saw her because she constantly was working to be able to afford to pay the bills and buy us food.

The worst part, on top of not having my mom around as much as I should have... Was not having a dad. It really (to this day) makes me feel like a big part of my life is missing and was missing throughout childhood. There are so many important things for little girls and boys to get from their dads.

I can understand the feelings you get when you have disagreements on parenting and stuff. But the key is finding someone who has similiar views, or who will compromise with you.

 

[Holldoll]

I completely agree with Ryder! My dad died when I was 9 and there are so many things I feel like I missed out on in not having a father. God forbid anything should happen to my relationship with DH, I KNOW he would always be a part of Bella's life. I think it's SO important!

 

[BurtonBaby]

Honestly I agree with Holly and Ryder. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old. My dad showed up when he felt like it for visits, never paid child support, and to this day walks in and out of my life when it is convenient for him. I know this is cliche but I have "daddy issues" still, and have a very hard time opening up to men at all. I've learned to trust my dh and know that he loves me, but I swear sometimes I am still scared that he is gonna walk out that door. But I also know that if something were to happen between DH and I, he would still be a great father. He had an absent father as well, and wants to be better than that.

Now I also agree tho, I would rather raise Erica on my own than with someone who wasn't loving toward her or myself. I know that kids pick up on things and when the parents are unhappy, they can tell. I know sometimes men can be a pain when it comes to the kids... They aren't with them all day and dont understand what we go through. They dont know how to do things our way, and usually dont do them when we want them done, but I guess we kinda just deal with it.

 

[mBLACK]

I know this is cliche but I have "daddy issues" still, and have a very hard time opening up to men at all. I've learned to trust my dh and know that he loves me, but I swear sometimes I am still scared that he is gonna walk out that door. it.

Same, I think that is why I'm so afraid of NOT being a single parent. I have serious problems opening up to men since my father hasn't been around my entire life.

 

[starbucks101]

mBlack, i completly get where you are comming from, Ive been single since the day i found out i was pregnant, i dont get any help or support from E's dad, and i feel for her. Every child deserves their superhero daddy. But, If i get pregnant again i would rather go it alone, i would wat a dad that will be there for the child & support them 24/7 but not nessicarly us being together.

I recently spilt up with my new partner because he kept doing things with my daughter even thought i told him not too and told me i was stupid constantly that i worried to much about her!

Well he was swiftly shown the door lol

That is why i want to be a single mum when i have more children.

 

[Jayden'sMummy]

i agree Mblack, even though sometimes its kinda lonely you no what i mean haha but ye being a single mummy is best. i watched my mum bring me + my brother + sister up on her own and it shows how much of a strong independent woman she is (no offence to those with OH, DH, DF etc.) yeh shes had boyfriends and stuff but we always end up just being mum + kids and its way better and i know exactly how it is because i feel i cope much more with Jayden when i am not concentrating on lads xx

 

[nightkd]

I agree with the feelings of just wanting to get on with it on your own. When I was in secondary school I didn't think anyone would ever want to be with me (serious self image issues) so I decided I'd have a baby with SOMEONE that I trusted, but wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me, so I could just raise the baby on my own.

I don't see my OH being a 'daddy' or the sort of father I'd want him to be, I'm seriously hoping he'll mature and surprise me, but I've told him if we do have a baby and he goes all miserable and depressive I don't want him around. I'd rather get on with it on my own, rather than having to look after a baby, myself AND him in his silly little strops.

I'd prefer to have OH because he can help support us so I get to spend more time with my LO, but at the same time I think I could cope better without him.

 

[brownhairedmom]

If for some reason I DO decide to have another baby, I don't think I'll be doing it alone. This pregnancy has just been way too stressful and emotional and rough...and now I have to look forward to dealing with a crying newborn by myself with nobody to help either.

So although I do understand in some ways, I won't be doing it again just for those facts I stated above.

 

[leeanne]

I have a question. No offense here but I've read the comments and I am a tad shocked.

Single parenting isn't easy. Sure, you have a baby now but they don't get any easier as they grow up...trust me.

But my question is, if you want to be a single mom, how are you going to do this? Will you talk to the guy and ask him to father your child but not strings attached? Will you just sleep with someone and hope to get pregnant?

 

[leeanne]

Sorry, but have to add a bit here.

My OH has two exes and kids from both of them that are 6 months apart. These exes tried to manipulate Dan to marry him or not lose him. Yes, he is a good catch.

So, amazing that they got pregnant after the relationship failed with him...but never pregnant when he was in a relationship with him.

He's an amazing dad. But no one realizes what this does to a man. No one realizes how it affects his future relationships, how it affects his finances, how it affects his life.

 

[starbucks101]

I have a question. No offense here but I've read the comments and I am a tad shocked.

Single parenting isn't easy. Sure, you have a baby now but they don't get any easier as they grow up...trust me.

But my question is, if you want to be a single mom, how are you going to do this? Will you talk to the guy and ask him to father your child but not strings attached? Will you just sleep with someone and hope to get pregnant?

I dont agree with anyone sleeping around to get pregnant that in itself carries alot of health risks!

However what if for instance you know a gay man/couple who cant have children... It takes a long time to adopt but would be fantastic parents. Would it be out of the realms of oppurtunity to have a baby with one of them? 50/50 custody access etc...


I no a guy in his late 20's we are really mates, he wants to have a child & would be a fantastic dad but does not feel he wants to be in relationship with somebody & is looking to adopt?!

I would love given the oppurtunity to mother his child & share the responsibilties with him, his job requires him to spend alot of time out of the country so it would be difficult for him to adopt.

Sperm Donation whatever route you wanted to go down is upto the individual.

 

[ryder]

Kind of also wondering the same as Leanne... Do any of you live on your own now (as opposed to with your parents).. I do not mean any of these questions in an offensive way either. But living in your own house or apartment and paying bills, supporting another person etc is very expensive.

My OH and I both have good paying jobs, a small house only and even we find it difficult sometimes.

I cant imagine having to put myself through school, pay for living and be a single mother. I cant imagine not have gone to school and be working min wage and paying for living and being a single mom either. It would be hell. It was hell, I was a product of a single mother (my dad died, it was not her choice).

I just cant imagine putting my little girl through what I went through. The emotional stress, being alone alot, not going on family outtings etc..

 

[Younglutonmum]

I genuinely enjoy bringing Maya up on my own but I think that's to do with the fact that her 'dad' (I use the term loosely) is a total idiot & waste of space. There is no way i'd want someone like him bringing her up with me.

I hope however that my future finds me with a decent man, who will take the role of Mayas daddy & be willing to TTC with me. I definitely do not wish to go through another pregnancy on my own nor bring up Maya on my own for the rest of my life.

I just want my fairytale ending

 

[starbucks101]

Kind of also wondering the same as Leanne... Do any of you live on your own now (as opposed to with your parents).. I do not mean any of these questions in an offensive way either. But living in your own house or apartment and paying bills, supporting another person etc is very expensive.

My OH and I both have good paying jobs, a small house only and even we find it difficult sometimes.

I cant imagine having to put myself through school, pay for living and be a single mother. I cant imagine not have gone to school and be working min wage and paying for living and being a single mom either. It would be hell. It was hell, I was a product of a single mother (my dad died, it was not her choice).

I just cant imagine putting my little girl through what I went through. The emotional stress, being alone alot, not going on family outtings etc..

I live on my own, im a small crummy flat that i rent at the moment, i am hoping to move when the lease is up here to somewhere nicer. I go back to work in feb, and i will be better off & have more free time than being with a partner.

I will also be able to afford a bigger house & hopefully be able to become a foster carer.

Family outings as you said doesnt need to cost much... i might not be able to take E to theme parks 5 times a year but what does it cost to go to the beach for fish and chips and chuck some 2p's into the amusements...

Family outings dont have to cost money.. so yes i can go on as many as any family. just because im a single mum doesnt mean that emily will have a worse upbringing than in a 2 parent family.

Yes its lonely being a single parent & it is bloody hard to study work and have quality time with your children. But we do because we have to. 2 parent families do it because they have to aswell.

You shouldnt look down on single parents because its harder for them to achieve their goals & be good parents. You should look up to them because most single parents achieve more in their lifetime than 2 parents families do.

 

[Wobbles]

I think the whole point that Leeanne & Ryder were voicing has been totally turned around! "You shouldnt look down on single parents" I don't think that was happening at all!

There is no mention of adoption or fostering in this thread ...total twist in quotes.

 

[Wobbles]

So tell me ..... I'm simply curious

How do you girls who want more children and plan on being single parents to the unborn or even existing child plam/want to concieve your child?

 

[Younglutonmum]

So tell me ..... I'm simply curious

How do you girls who want more children and plan on being single parents to the unborn or even existing child plam/want to concieve your child?

I'm certainly not planning on having more children as a single mum but if I did want to go down this route again as some people on here would like then surely I could use sperm donantion? I don't know the rules on it so feel free to correct me if i'm wrong

I'm certainly not a believer that every child needs 2 parents or a dad

A single mum or dad can be just as successful as a 2 parent family