Warning, rant. 36 weeks and OH won't touch me..

[Alovelikexo]

I'm literally feeling so hormonal and insecure. I'm the size of a house, I'm trying to be sexy and attractive for him still, but I can't bend all the right ways to shave my legs, I can't see my kookaa to give her a trim, when I walk I waddle, nothing fits but his clothes. I hate looking in the mirror but I'm still trying to be attractive for him.

He hasn't touched me for weeks. He flinches and makes excuses when I touch him. I'm seriously insecure due to problems concerning loyalty and faithfulness in the past during our relationship. His phone goes and he smiles and I think who's he smiling at, whys it not me? Do I disgust him now? Why doesn't he want me that way any more? Or am I just being stupid. He says he doesn't feel comfortable getting intimacy because the baby is engaged now and we are so close to due date, but I don't understand? This is me. His partner, the woman he's in love with, why is he not comfortable? Maybe I'm just being selfish I don't know?

Ahh I'm rambling now I'm going to stop.

 

[ambertwogood]

Hun, I think I would feel the same exact way if it was me. I would definitely talk to him and tell him how you're feeling. Stay away from accusatory statement's like 'you make me, blah blah blah.' Instead, stick to I feel unattractive BC we aren't being intimate at all, is there something I could do to make you more comfortable? I'm feeling lousy, unattractive, and insecure and I would really like it if we could try to be more intimate.... Maybe you should pull up some articles about the benefits of sex and intimacy in late pregnancy. The hormones alone that are released when you feel good are really beneficial to you, pregnancy, and baby. Find some about calming men's irrational fears about what sex can ( well what they imagine it could) do. There are lots of them out there. My pregnancy is high risk, but we are allowed to have sex. Unfortunately, about a month ago after we had some scares hubby took upon himself to take it off the table, BC he was terrified that it could/would cause something horrible to happen. I sat him down and asked him what he thought would happen and everything he said was irrational, so I gently explained without making him feel stupid that none of it was possible and that it was actually beneficial and recommended. One of the things that really helped was explaining to him that even doing all the things they say you can do to induce labour won't work unless you were close to going anyways. It really helped for him to know that we couldn't possibly make me go into major unless I was already on the edge and explaining that it wouldn't be instantaneous anyways. I think he thought, oh well be in the middle of sex then bam waters break and I'm doubled over with a head coming on its way out, lol. It calmed him to realise that even if it did push me into labour it is normally hrs to days after the deed that contractions start....plus I reminded him that has been really lucky to have not seen a crazy hormonal nut bag this pregnancy and that I have needs, my hormones are raging ( sexually) and he really doesn't want to see if she will appear if my needs aired denied for too long, lmao! I'm not having mood swings, ivebeBeen spared of that, but I thought maybe a tiny threat wouldn't hurt...lol. I'm so bad.

 

[Alovelikexo]

Thank you so much for all your advice. I hope it works for us.xx

 

[ambertwogood]

Your welcome! Hugs and good luck to you!

 

[mummytobe_93]

I wouldn't be happy either if my partner acted that way. I think you need to sit down and tell him how it's making you feel.
Also the texting situation I would be up front and straight and ask him. I wouldn't be having it at all!
Hope you can sort it out x

 

[londonangel]

Oh dear. I think it would be worth taking a step back and thinking about what he has said too and how he might feel if the shoe were on the other foot. Some men just aren't comfortable with intimacy late in pregnancy and to be honest, if I smiled at a text message and my husband started getting cross because I was smiling at something that wasn't him I would feel quite cross. He wouldn't do that anyway of course but our other halves have other people in their lives apart from us - if you start coming across looking jealous it probably won't help. Sorry if that is not really the advice you want. Personally I think late pregnancy sucks (I for one am tired of being massive and uncomfy and last child was 12 days late so I potentially have three more weeks of this) but it does not last forever. Chin up and speak to him about how you feel by all means, I just think you need to be careful how you broach the topic.

 

[StillPraying]

I know how you feel and just to add to what the other ladies have said.... WORDING and TONE of voice is EVERYTHING!

 

[rwhite]

My partner was the exact same way when I was heavily pregnant with our son. I just think he genuinely doesn't find the pregnant shape attractive

It is disheartening, isn't it? Especially when you know a bit of :dtd: will help bring labour on in the coming weeks!

I would be up front about the texting, that does sound suspicious to me I hate to say it. And if it is nothing, then your mind can be set at ease. You don't need that sort of stress with bubs due so soon xx

 

[Zephram]

My OH was the same when I was in third tri with my first. I don't think we had sex the whole third tri (though by the end I wasn't in the mood anyway!) as he wasn't attracted to me with a big bump. I agree with PP that some men do not find a heavily pregnant woman sexual. You're about to become a mother and I honestly think they find that a bit mystical and weird. It's not that he doesn't love you or want you anymore, it's that your changes can be hard for a guy to deal with. It does make you feel horrible and that you're not sexy anymore - but you are! We had lots of arguments about it as I was terribly insecure, but in retrospect I have much more understanding of his position than I did at the time.

Don't worry, our sex life recovered and we have gone on to conceive our second child. He seems much more relaxed the second time round so we'll see if he gets put off when I get huge again. I'm not worried about it this time though, as I know he will get over it and we have lots of great sex in our future!

 

[minties]

My OH and I maybe had sex once when I was pregnant with each kid.

The idea of his penis being near a baby turned him right off. I didn't take it personally. Maybe your OH feels the same?

 

[Zephram]

Yes, what minties said. My OH said more than once that he didn't want his erect penis anywhere near his son! It becomes so much mOre obvious to them that there's a baby right there when you're huge.

 

[kits]

I really feel for you regarding the texts situation. Especially with the way our hormones are so out of control, I can totally sympathize. Hugs!

I agree with the other ladies that you should discuss it with him in a non confrontational way, it really could be nothing. Good luck!

My partner has always run clubs & hotels, we're now at a local pub so he gets to stay home all day & you know he could easily get up to all sorts, but I trust him & know he loves me.

Although, I do realise that sometimes there's no reasoning with us especially in our heavily pregnant state!

How long have you been with your oh?

However, if you've been getting some action up until now then I consider you or any other ladies lucky. We barely managed to conceive and nothing since I've been pregnant which has been since June and I'm such a passionate person that it really breaks my heart but I've had to get over his stupidly low libido. He does try to use the 'but baby is right there' excuse But we both know this issue has been there from beginning.

 

[MrsCrad]

I feel your pain.

My hubby wouldn't touch me from the moment he found out I was pregnant. Some men just don't like it. I wouldn't take it personally but as everyone says letting him know how you feel might help x

 

[ambertwogood]

Oh, I forgot to tell you that I also asked my SO if he was aware that we wouldn't be able to have sex for 4-6 weeks after the baby got here ( he had a surprised look and asked why, lol) and did he really want to start the no sex campaign sooner than necessary? He quickly changed his tune. Haha

 

[Phoenix82]

It's tough, pregnancy makes you feel huge and v unsexy. But you are gorgeous and in a pregnant state you have that attractive glow (loads of guys I know say they find something about pregnant women sexy).

The other ladies are spot on, you need to speak to him but watch how it comes over as you don't want to get his back up and give him an excuse you say youre hormonal (even if you feel it).

Let us know how it goes.

Me and the oh have not had sex since we conceived - we had spotting at the beginning so didn't want to risk it, plus after over a year of trying we both wanted a bit if a break. I had horrific morning sickness too so was glad not to have the pressure, by the time that eased off I had movements and the thought creeped us both out so we decided not to - pants but a joint choice.
There are other ways to be intimate without having to have sex, I feel closer to mine just because we are bringing our baby into the world together and we spend more time enjoying each other's company and sharing bump, try getting him more hands on and cuddly first maybe he's just feeling a bit freaked out.