we are doing it -- advice please x

[baby D]

So after 11 years together, two children and a mortgage we have decided to bit the bullet and get get married

We have been engaged for about 5years but just have not had the money to spend on a fancy wedding -- which is what I thought I wanted

Well I no longer do. I just want an intimate, memorable day to be spent with the people we love most - and most or all, to be Mr and Mrs Daniels

So ladies, as money is tight, any good budgeting tips or money saving ideas would be so so welcome

 

[Baby France]

I think the first most important thing is to get your guest list together.

That way you can decide on who is your most closest and dearest and decide from there.

Congratulations and good luck!

 

[aly888]

Wooo congratulations

I agree, get a rough guest list together. Once you have an idea on numbers you'll know what is and isn't within budget. You absolutely do not have to spend ££££s to have a memorable and perfect wedding day

 

[baby D]

Thanks girls -- it is so hard as I have a HUGE family and DF literally has mum, dad, sis, bro in law, auntie and 3 cousins. That is it! He worries they will feel 'outnumbered' and a bit nervous by my huge numbers. The other problem is I have 8 aunties and 3 uncles -- but only 2 of them (aunties) live close by and I would happily have have just those 2 during the day and invite the rest to join us in the evening -- but my mum says that I can't do that as it woukdn't be fair/right --- and then there is all the cousins! Eeeek! Not to mention partners and children

I would happily have, parents, granparents, brothers and sisters, neices and nephew and DF aunt and my 2 closest aunities -- plus maybe 2 good friends and their partners on each side. Then invite everyone else to join us for an evening party -- but that would put a fair few people out

and so it begins

Ideally, if budget was not an issue, I would love to invite everyone to celebrate with us -- but we can't.

 

[lozzy21]

My biggest bit of advise is to tell your mother to sush. Invite who you want to invite, not who you feel you need to invite. Tell your mum if she wants them to come then she can pay for their share of the food. If you have had no contact with them for the last 6-9 months then why are you inviting them?

 

[Baby France]

I think that you need to explain to your mum about your budget. Tell her that although you would love to invite the whole family, you simply can't afford it. Tell her that should she wish to fork the money out herself, then she is going to have to trust you that you will do it fairly as possible.

Personally I don't think telling her to 'shush' will do you any favours. Weddings can cause arguments and its about managing it and dealing with it. Try to get your mum involved AND on board with your decisions, but let her know that ultimately it is YOUR decision.

Its a very hard thing to do, as getting her too involved makes her believe that she can decide and organise your top table (which is what happened to my friend)...or like my dad, told me his best friend and family were taking up one of our rooms we've been given by the hotel.

Being firm but fair is the best bet. I think what you've thought sounds like a plan

 

[baby D]

Wow, baby France --- did you manage to stop your dad giving away your hotel rooms??

I agree -- I see my extended family maybe twice a year - Christmas and a family gathering on my grandad's anniversary (of his death). Other then that, I might see them if they happen to be over from London visiting my nan/mum and I pop in. I never hear from them aside from this! Don't get me worng, I love them to bits, but we have to cut back somewhere and the guestlist has to be the starting point!

DF and I are making an appointment to speak with the local priest as Mark really wants us to be married by him -- he is a family friend of the in-laws and a very funny guy so I am fine with that. The church is on a busy road which isn't ideal to me but inside is just so pretty and it is small so feels intimate - I like it! And I love that it will mean more to DF to have Martin (priest) marry us.

So, thoughts on this please -- we were wondering, in order to keep the cost down, will it work out less money to hire out a fav (but small) restaurant for our 'sit down' meal rather then paying a hotel or other venue to cater for a traditional wedding breakfast?? Because we would then still need to hire an evening venue as we bot want to celebrate with a traditional disco/party.

But then if we do church, retsuarant and then eve venure -- that is alot of travelling/taxis for guests and so on --- maybe an eve venue would charge more too if we weren't having the wedding meal there

any other alternatives I am missing

 

[aly888]

I think in the early days everyone will be excited and want to have a say in the wedding. You need to be firm with your mum (and anyone else who may try to steer you in your decisions) from the beginning, otherwise it will only get more difficult as time goes on.
We caused a massive stir when we said its just parents to the ceremony. I've not invited any of my brothers and sisters or their families (OH is an only child anyway) and no-one really understands why. But I told them from the very beginning that that was the way it was going to be and they all seem ok with it now.

In terms of hiring out a restaurant, we looked at doing that. I think in the long term it didnt work out significantly cheaper (when you take into consideration the 'extras' that you'd be missing out on) so we've gone for a small independent hotel/restaurant for ours. With a hotel you can be more sure that they're used to dealing with larger groups of people (in terms of food etc) and ultimately they may have more to offer than a restaurant. And more flexibility. And like you say, you'd have to find one with a function room for you to have your evening party in too whereas any hotel will have all that.

 

[aly888]

Just as a rule of thumb, your biggest expenses will be venue, food, photographer, wedding attire (dress/suits etc). Pretty much everything else can be done as expensively or cheaply as you want, especially if you're 'crafty' and make your own invites, table plans, decorations etc

 

[baby D]

Thank you Aly888 -- am so excited! You gave some great tips there!

 

[Baby France]

Yes Baby D - I told him that the rooms had already been given out and his best friend wasn't invited He was ok with it - he was just trying and I have no doubt that if I hadn't said anything he wouldn't have been the first guest who was added on without my consent!!

My dad got married in his local church, had a sit down meal at his local restaurant (told them beforehand) and then organised for a coach to take us from the restaurant to the cricket club that they had there evening do at and paid for a hot buffet. Was a lovely day.

 

[baby D]

lol at your dad trying it on! His day sounds lovely x

 

[Baby France]

You'll find a few people try to do that...'what about that cousin you've not seen since you were 5....what was his name again?'

Er....no thanks mum.

I'm glad we've done it short notice - there are a few people who aren't able to make it. I'm not in trouble cos they feel bad that they can't come and tbh, I didn't want them there but the trouble I'd have been in for not inviting them would have haunted me for years. I've got the best of both worlds this way

 

[baby D]

oooh crafty but sooo clever! We have to book to talk with Martin (our priest) to looka t possible dates. I am hoping for summer next year but worry it will be hard to tie chuch dates in with venue dates as many book up 2 yrs plus in advance -- if necessary we will have to carry over the following summer. Not ideal. I really don't want a winter wedding, though. It sounds so romantic but in reality it will likely be cold or wet -- or both! Coldness makes me miserable and I want to enjoy having our pics done not spend the entire time shivering or getting rained on (gotta think hair/make up lol) -- same for guests really. Nothing worse then being stood around cold!

Having said that, I have many many friends who have wanted winter weddings and have had wonderful days despite some awful weather --- each to their own I say!

 

[maidelyn]

I haven't invited most of my cousins and 2/3 uncle/aunts as I haven't seen them for 10-20yrs so sod it, I'm not leaving off good friends for family I don't care about!
We're just having an evening do - wedding at 4pm so people can drive up on the day and only have to fork out for one night's accomodation was our excuse but also we didn;t want to fork out for a wedding breakfast that neither of us wanted.
If you're happy with a village hall and disco then you could always have a BBQ in summer or hog roast in winter and then nibbles/sandwiches later on (which can always be homemade).
We're doing hog roast for the food (you can get food for 100 people for £500-800 depending on whether you want sides too) plus a Cheese cake with biscuits and then wedding cake for pudding.
We're getting married in a castle so having a medieval theme - my dress is £150 but still gorgeous!
Not doing favours - I never quite saw the point

 

[baby D]

Hog roast sounds a fab idea!

 

[nugget80]

I thought we were on a budget but after adding up all the extras were not really...! However I bought my dress as a sample it fits perfect and felt so comfy (couldn't breathe in some I tried) it just needs hem taking up as I'm short! It cost just £395 and is just beautiful (and not what I thought I wanted!) we restricted guest list for day to parents siblings and grandparents plus my uncle as I have no siblings and we are close... Depending on your budget there are alot of bargains to be had at hotels esp large chains I had a couple of quotes under £2000 for wedding breakfast for 30 and evening for 70 this also included the room for ceremony which you don't need...

 

[baby D]

I thought we were on a budget but after adding up all the extras were not really...! However I bought my dress as a sample it fits perfect and felt so comfy (couldn't breathe in some I tried) it just needs hem taking up as I'm short! It cost just £395 and is just beautiful (and not what I thought I wanted!) we restricted guest list for day to parents siblings and grandparents plus my uncle as I have no siblings and we are close... Depending on your budget there are alot of bargains to be had at hotels esp large chains I had a couple of quotes under £2000 for wedding breakfast for 30 and evening for 70 this also included the room for ceremony which you don't need...

Thank you Can I ask, how do you go about finding a 'sample' dress??

 

[Lauren25]

Ebays my best wedding friend ever
I'm getting all my stationary from there, decorations and things for on the tables, bits for the favours, 2 of the bridesmaid shoes, best man and usher thank you presents, cake stand, flower girl dresses, post box, guest book! And I'm guessing lots more will come from there too!

 

[xMissxZoiex]

We did a small wedding, I have a hugh family and DH has a small one, I invited only my close family, No cousins to the day time we just couldnt fit them all in the venue we chose and plus i was not willing to pay £25 a head for cousins i don't really see all that much. I had 2 aunties there and i have a lot more aunties and uncles than that but am only close to two. The rest were invited to the evening reception. People will have to like it or lump it im affraid, its your wedding not theirs. xx