We can't afford this baby.

[HoneyBev]

I'm just coming to terms that no matter how many times my husband says we will spend our extra income on our baby, it's not going to happen. Instead, he goes to lunch with friends and goes unnecessary places and uses all of our gas, which in turn we have to spend more money on to replace our empty tank. We have the money to make ends meet every month, but literally have nothing left over after bills and his bs splurges. I know he's excited about the baby. He knows how much we need to save in order to get even the minimal things for him. Yet, he continues to splurge on useless junk for his own joy.

My husband works extremely hard for every dime of our income as I'm out of work, but it's not like I go out and spend anything on myself. Even little odd bouts of cash I get from family (10$ here and there for birthdays meant for Starbucks, etc.) I put straight into our account and we use towards groceries or other expenses. I haven't had razors in almost a month other than my old, dull razor from last month because we "don't have money right now", yet he went and bought lunch for himself, a friend, and two of his friends gal pals.

Am I the only one who thinks this is a problem? I usually would have absolutely no problem with us not having extra spending money as long as bills were paid, but as we get further Into the pregnancy and see that we literally have nothing for our baby, I'm beginning to freak out.

 

[Mushymilkfor2]

Is he going through a phase, or is this normal behavior?

I would suggest having a talk with him. I know this can be tough, with him being the main money maker, as it's the same with my husband and I. Or, if that doesn't work maybe buy things for the baby before he has the chance to spend that money on anything extra.

 

[HoneyBev]

Is he going through a phase, or is this normal behavior?

I would suggest having a talk with him. I know this can be tough, with him being the main money maker, as it's the same with my husband and I. Or, if that doesn't work maybe buy things for the baby before he has the chance to spend that money on anything extra.

He's always been quite a spender, but as I said it never really bothered me before since all of our bills were paid and we didn't have a little one coming along. It truly makes me happy when he's able to buy himself things, especially with working as hard and as much as he does.

I've tried speaking with him and he is completely on board! He's even written up a personal spending plan to where our bills are paid, he gets to spend some on himself, but we can also buy one "big" thing for baby per paycheck or even once per month with little things here and there. Problem is, this plan on lasts about 2 days before he's treating friends to dinner or buying gadgets, etc.

I'm feeling a bit hypocritical, considering I've never had an issue with it before and even encouraged him to buy things for himself and now all of a sudden I want him to cut back a lot, but at the same time, I feel like with his active knowledge of how expensive a baby is, he should WANT to buy our son things. I know a lot of this is my fault as I should have tried to promt him to save in the past, especially considering we were actively trying for a baby.. I just truly didn't think it'd happen this fast, which was obviously a bad thought on my part.

I think I'm just stressed out and know my husband will pull something together like he always does, but I just want to know were prepared.

 

[hotslinthesun]

You should definitely sit down and talk to him about how stressed out this is making you, but try to avoid pointing the finger directly at him because he might get defensive and things could get worse. I would just say something like "I'm really stressed out about our financial situation and would like to sit down and make a budget together that we can both live with", and then specifically budget some money every month to buy baby things and get the money in cash so that it doesn't "accidentally" get spent.

Also, keep in mind that friends and family will probably want to buy things for the baby and maybe you can help them out by listing things you need so that they can get something useful instead of just cute outfits. Also, the summer is coming and with it lots of yard sales. You can get a lot of essentials second hand and save a lot of money.

 

[HoneyBev]

You should definitely sit down and talk to him about how stressed out this is making you, but try to avoid pointing the finger directly at him because he might get defensive and things could get worse. I would just say something like "I'm really stressed out about our financial situation and would like to sit down and make a budget together that we can both live with", and then specifically budget some money every month to buy baby things and get the money in cash so that it doesn't "accidentally" get spent.

Also, keep in mind that friends and family will probably want to buy things for the baby and maybe you can help them out by listing things you need so that they can get something useful instead of just cute outfits. Also, the summer is coming and with it lots of yard sales. You can get a lot of essentials second hand and save a lot of money.

Those are all really good points, thank you! I'm definitely going to try and speak with him again after he gets off of work tonight. Hopefully he won't think I'm trying to control what he spends, because I'm really not.. I just want our baby to have.. Well.. Anything lmao

And I am a HUGE bargain hunter, so I'm always looking for cheap, yet nice things! I'm hoping once it's stops raining so much here people will start popping up yard sales like crazy

Thank you again for your tips! I appreciate it

 

[Kittycat155]

Because of culture I ran into issue of my husband just not realizing what stuff costs. I did a trip with nothing but food and he was shocked. I try to take him every month or two to keep that in his head.

Also another issue is he never did bills so we do them together every so often. I would suggest not using debit card much and doing cash transactions often as possible. Also plan out what you need left still and what monthly expenses baby will have. I am cloth diapering the cheapest way by using flat diapers and buying toys as I see them now vs later. A lot will be 2nd hand but that is no issue to me. If you plan to want new shop sales and start writing down lowest cost items so you have easy reference and do not have to figure that out with a NB in the house!

 

[Brightxeyes]

Sit down and work it out.
Me and the other half knew our wages don't leave us with anything spare (and I found I struggled) so he was luckily offered a sunday job so he's putting that money aside. Ive started making candles and selling old clothes on ebay that I know u probly won't wear after baby is born to give it a boost.

Switch supermarkets to curb spending there. Make the most of vouchers/coupons for baby. There's lots out there. Free samples too.

He needs to have a look at walking more for short journeys. Take a packed lunch to work. Maybe make him a real nice packed lunch as a surprise? Then make it a habit.

But you need to break everything down n find ways to save on bills, food and gas. Like break it down and be like well this works out we have x amount spare every month.

Then figure out per month how much a baby would cost per month. It'll scare him to realise it and he might start curbing spending.

Maybe he thinks cuz babies not here yet he can do it. But that's not the case x

 

[BigAl]

Definitely speak to him, but make a clear plan of action. So, say £x per month goes straight out of your account into a separate savings account just for baby stuff.

I think sometimes it takes a long time for men to actually realise that a baby is going appear, and all practicalities that entails.

 

[reeshy]

One thing that really helped in our situation is that at the beginning of the month, DH and I both got a set amount of cash. This is all we had for spending money. Having something concrete like that slowed us both way down as opposed to using a debit card.

 

[EmzyJA]

Me and my husband have to be very careful with our spending, it took my husband a while to grasp it but we've been doing well. He used to earn more money than he does now and our cost of living has dramatically increased over the past couple of years. We budget everything each month and have a set amount of money to spend on things. My husband used to spend money like it grew on trees and back then we had the money to do that but not now. I have so many regrets about our finances but we've learned the hard way. Hopefully you can sort things out. I even had to keep hold of his bank cards for a while and just give him cash as and when. Good luck and hope you can sort it

 

[Tasha]

I would get him to sit down and log everything he spends in a week/pay cheque, like a spreadsheet of where it all goes. I think that seeing in black and white how much money is spent on unnecessary things would help. Then go and show him what that could of bought for baby.

 

[MrsT&Ben]

My hubby was a terrible spender before we had our first. He'd think nothing of going out and buying dvds and clothes. We were up to our eyeballs in debt and he didn't care. Our son was born and he took stock, baby comes first. I don't think some people realise how much financial pressure a child is until you actually have one.
Sit down and tell him your concerns. I worked out how much we needed to get by and how much he spent every month. He was shocked at how much it was. We used to row all the time about money but having a baby changed that.
Good luck. I know exactly how you must be feeling.

 

[Mrs Cupcake]

have you made a list of all the stuff you need for the baby with the estimated costs? maybe if your husband actually saw the figures written down that would become more real?

its hard if he is wasting money on luxuries like lunches out and gadgets.

hope he sees that your baby needs some stuff soon!

 

[KeiD]

Also if he likes spending why not get him to come on a shopping trip at the start of the month to pick up a few baby items? Then he can be involved and see costs etc? And get his spending fix

 

[LoveCakes]

One thing that really helped in our situation is that at the beginning of the month, DH and I both got a set amount of cash. This is all we had for spending money. Having something concrete like that slowed us both way down as opposed to using a debit card.

This is a good idea. Its sometimes hard to realise how much the odd coffees add up over time. Also having cash really makes you think about actually spending the money. Maybe challenge him to go for a week without a debit card so when he has to physically hand over the money it's more real.

 

[RinnaRoo]

I wanted to wait until we could afford another baby, but if I did that we would never have another!! It's so hard to keep everything in line with car payments, rent, groceries, insurance and debt to pay off. It's a slow process to get things in line when your funds go to their destination quickly.
What helps us is separate bills and accounts. OH is responsible for his bills and I mine. What's left is what we have for baby items or things that we desire. It helps us to have a little bit of independence from one another and let's us know what goes where in each others checks. Might not work for everyone.

 

[Rickles]

I took OH baby shopping - trust me it was a real eye opener... I was looking at very reasonably priced prams and when he saw what they could cost (Direct quote"you could buy a car for that!!") he realised:

a) I was actually being level headed
b) Babies are expensive

It didn't totally curb his spending on himself but it definitely put my spending on the baby equipment in perspective and he stopped moaning about it, even gave me a credit card to his account, but we stopped going out for dinner and both stopped buying clothes for ourselves xx

 

[CastawayBride]

We pool all our money together but my hubby definitely has no clue on budgets/bills since I take care of our finances. To be fair we don't need a budget as we both work BUT I have big plans for us, including a bigger house and we are about to buy a timeshare through Disney so we can go every year....so yeah he needs to get in line with that.

With that being said I started to do this to get him to realize what we spend:

He sits down and sees what I am doing to pay our monthly bills. I show him that for now, until baby goes to Day care, I have doubled up our mortgage to gain more equity in our home. Seriously though my hubby moved in with me and thought water was free, I was like really? Who do you think supplies it the water fairies??

he goes with me food shopping. I don't have to hear, "Oh I wanted this, I don't eat that..." Now I hear him saying, "The bill is 600 dollars, how is it 600 dollars?!"

He gets a couple hundred a week for him, so he has money for lunches with the guys or if he feels he needs something. He also knows that anything over 100 dollars either of us need to run it by the other before purchase.

As for your honey not really prepared to curb his spending that can be b/c he doesn't really realize a baby will be here in X months. I know with our first my hubby sure didn't realize, that was until our son was in his arms. They learn, this time around he is being much better about putting money away and getting all baby items now instead of later....

 

[sprite30]

What really stood out for me was the comments that he bought lunch for himself, a friend, and the friends gal pals. I would totally flip if dh did this and I wasn't along. We have taken friends to dinner already for special occasions like a wedding we were going to miss so we took them to dinner and sent a present in our absence but it didn't cost us anymore then if we had gone to the wedding with presents in hand. But FOR LUNCH??? Dh would be in big trouble and I actually have no clue what he keeps in his daily account, regardless of the money is there or not. He'd better have the best excuse in the world lol. Dh and I actually keep all of our bills, salaries, and accounts separate. I like my freedom, I don't want to be questioned about how much my Starbucks cost me or why I filled my gas tank twice that week and I give him the same respect but at the same time if he bought lunch for 4 people surely he would tell me and I would hope he'd have a good excuse.

With that aside, I do think you need to come up with a budget or at least talk about who is going to cover what and what you expect of him. I love the suggestions about buying 2nd hand. They have these consignment events in my area that are held in the spring and the fall and everything is sooo cheap it's almost too good to be true. I figured I've spent less then $350 so far and I literally have all of the essentials I need and anything else now will be "extra" or items that my family has already donated or told me that would like to purchase. I was planning on doing a baby shower but now I might not even need to. My point is yes, babies can be expensive. But they also don't have to be. It's like buying a new car. Sure that Mercedes is nice but the chevy will get you from a to b. diapers, formula, health ins, will have to be planned and budgeted and hopefully you can have a heart to heart with him and say something like I appreciate that you want to treat your friends to lunch but that can't happen all the time.

 

[Hurrikane_Kat]

That's a hard situation. I actually facilitate a Dave Ramsey Core Financial Wellness course at work, which addresses those types of issues. Both in your budget and a relationship. When it comes down to it, you both need to agree.

The thought is to first assess your situation with your significant other. Do you have emergency funds? Are you both confident in your finances? If you are both in agreement that something needs to change, then it is time to form a plan. If you get to that step, feel free to message me. I may have some helpful tips after that point.

Good luck!