We don't want visitors in the hospital, apparently selfish...?

[Bingo]

With my first OH and I decided that we wanted the first week after DD was born just to be the three of us with no visitors. As it turned out I was ready for visitors within a day or two but he wasn't. I don't think you're being selfish at all. It's a major adjustment having a newborn to care for and you need to do what's best for you and what is best is no distractions and no interference from others, particularly overbearing parents.

 

[TatorMom]

I don't think you're being selfish at all! I was in the hospital 2 days with DS1 and 3 with DS2 and I didn't want anyone there for the birth(even in waiting room) or the day after. I didn't want anyone visiting really, but was okay after the first day with my parents and DH's mom.

 

[allybaby]

I work in the maternity ward and while we want the family to be supported, it is the opinion that the hospital is not the place for visiting. We only allow 2 support people at the hospital therefore someone is always going to be left out. It's a time for mom to heal and to ensure baby and mom are healthy. You aren't being selfish. It's your time to bond with your little one. Do what you feel is best for you and your family.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I actually wanted people to come to the hospital this way they would not come right away to my house. My family always goes to the hospital and then weeks later comes to visit, if they didn't go to the hospital they would want to be at my house within 48 hrs, I would probably kill myself I just don't have a problem with it, but I fully respect your choice. As a family member I would probably be a little hurt, but you are the mommy and what you say goes..

 

[mrsholmes]

I said this, but people turned up at 12am in the birth center anyway. I was glad to see them and they brought me food , drink etc which I was landed with. I didn't let anyone hold baby tho , stayed in another full day and let whoever wanted visit, however birth centres don't have set times. I was happy with this, however there I wish I'd said no visitors to the house for a week or so it was crazy!!
I didn't start passing baby around for around a week tho!

 

[Solitaire]

I don't think your being selfish at all!!
The parents have been waiting 9months already so what's another day!!

At the end of the day it's yours and your partners decision, it's your special moment so you should have it how you want it to be. Everyone should respect your wishes.

I hope it turns out ok x

 

[NaturalMomma]

You are NOT selfish. You just had a baby you need and want to bond with that baby, you don't need people holding and putting their faces in the baby's. You guys just need to relax after baby, and it's really sad that people can't understand that.

 

[jensha]

You're not selfish at all!!! It's YOUR baby, not theirs.
Other people expecting to see and take the baby as soon as he's born are the selfish ones.

 

[jensha]

My opinion has changed since I became a mum. I would love to see my grand kids ASAP when the day comes and I would feel a bit sad if I couldn't... But I would try and not make a fuss about it, after all we have years to get to know this person. How about visitors but no one holds baby? I think most parents would respect a sort visit, no holding, just a quick kiss and to check you are all fine. Not a prolonged visit obviously. I doubt many would expect that the day the baby arrives.

I am having trouble with telling the inlaws we don't want anyone staying when we come out of hospital ...I want to be breasfeeding and lazing about in my pjs as much as I like. Not with my father in law there while I leak milk and have emotional outbursts!...

IMO, That's totally unrealistic. Once they are there, they will want to hold the baby for sure and telling them no will just create more drama.

I don't think it's selfish to ask them not to, but I totally understand where your mum is coming from. My nephew was born last year and I would have been devastated to be told we weren't allowed to visit him when he was 'brand new' as that is the only time he is ever going to be that small. One of my favourite things to tell him is that I got to hold him when he was just 7 hours old, and it was so important to us all.

But if that is what you want, then your mum has to respect that. She'll get plenty of chances to see the baby afterwards, a few hours/ a day won't make much difference really.

I disagree. 24-48 hours after birth, a baby is still ''brand new'' and small.

I don't mean to upset anyone but I disagree. You have to remember your their baby they want to see you have come out the other side of childbirth ok as well as their grandchild.
We let grandparents in to see lo after I had showered and was back in bed. They didn't stop long at all as they could see we were all exhausted but they came in had a hold and a piccie and left us to it until much later that day. OH family and mine are all close though and I understand not everybody is as comfortable with this idea as we were.

If I was a grandparent I would obviously accept your decision but I would feel hurt.

But why? If you would feel hurt, it would be your own problem. Grandparents, in-laws and other family members are not the ones who just gave birth. The parents don't owe them to share their special time with their newborn. They can wait. If they can't, well, I will repeat myself, it's their own problem, not the new parents'.

 

[twobecome3]

I was talking to my mum a couple of days ago and mentioned that OH and I have discussed the hospital visitor issue, basically arriving at the conclusion that we do not want any visitors for the time that we are there (providing that everything is fine) - we don't mind our parents and OH's parents coming to visit for a little bit at home though. My mum (who is a midwife) said that most people let their parents come and visit and that we are being selfish, that it will be hard for them and OH's parents not to come up to the hospital and see the baby. I have told her that am planning to have uninterrupted skin to skin for at least an hour with the baby, and even after that I do not want the baby to be passed around straight after birth. I think that the time in the hospital is a special time for OH and I, it's not like we will be there very long (just a few hours if everything goes well) and seeing as the baby won't be passed around I don't see the point in them coming up, paying to park, having to entertain people etc (even if just for half an hour each) as I will want a bath and probably a little nap (and doing the first couple of breast feeds)! They can come over after we get home and have a cuddle then, we have no problem with that.

Do we sound selfish or not? I haven't told OH yet about what my mum said as I know that he'll be upset, he sees her as being overcontrolling sometimes. Would really appreciate any feedback, I don't mind if you don't agree, it's just that I almost anticipated that response from her as she likes to be in control of situations and I don't know whether my response in turn is a little over defensive.

(We are in the UK, just to clarify)

nope. mum's selfish and projecting onto you. control freaks have a way of turning things around to make you feel bad for not doing what they want. absolutely NO difference to your mum to wait to see baby the next day, and a big difference to the tired sore you that wants the first day with baby and dad and nonone else.

she'll get over it

 

[MindUtopia]

Nope, not selfish at all. Bonding, especially if you are breastfeeding, in those first few days is really crucial to your baby's health and wellbeing, as is realistically minimizing the chance of infection while baby's immune system is building up, so having as much time alone together is really the best thing for you and baby. If your mum is a midwife, she should know this this, so I think really she's been selfish in this situation. Now obviously if you really wanted visitors, that's one thing, no harm in having them. But if you don't, the last thing you want is people stressing you out or keeping you up when you need to be resting or feeding or bonding.

We're having a home birth, but I'm still not having anyone visit until at least 2-3 full days after the birth, and then it will only be my husband's mom and her partner (my mom lives overseas and won't visit until a few weeks after baby arrives). Any other visitors (extended family/friends) won't be invited to visit for a couple weeks. That's what works best for us as it's really important we get settled and baby is breastfeeding well from early on. If it offends anyone, too bad. I figure if they want to make the rules, they can have their own baby. We make the rules about what we do in our family.

 

[MaisieJune]

You're lucky to have our other half on your side about this one. you two are the only ones who matter tbh and don't listen to what others say. you're the parents. You will have just given birth and you should rest and enjoy your baby with your partner. Stay strong because you'll have alot more of people trying to tell you what to do and not to do when it comes to YOUR baby.

 

[lauren28]

I don't think you are being selfish at all. Having your first baby is a very special and quite overwhelming time and it is quite nice to have a bit of time alone to adjust and become used to being a mum, and also get a bit of energy back (as giving birth is quite strenuous!).

My mum was in the room when I had my DD, but as soon as she was born, my mum left and went home. i then had time alone with my new baby and OH to have a shower, try feeding baby, and generally recover. It's not a time when you are looking or feeling your bext either.

Also, you have been waiting such a long time for you LO to arrive, I just wanted to hold her and stare at her for a while and couldn't imagine having to pass her around.

I was home within 8 hours of giving birth, and was home for a few hours before I had a visit from my sister and niece, but they only stayed probably about 1/2 hour so not too much, and my mum and dad cam up that evening and bought us dinner which was nice.

The inlaws didn't come round until the next day for a couple of hours. That was all the visits we had at home. After that, we decided when we wanted to see other people and went to them, could stay as long (or not) as we wanted and did not have to wait on people.

Do what you want to do. It is your only chance to have those first few hours with your new baby and you don't want to look back on them with regret.