well fathers day...... (turned into a rant when I got typing,hehe)

[hancake100]

FOB is a complete arseh**e, its been a bit of a nasty break up, been split up for about 3months now manybe more (I used to count the days weeks but stopped doing that now)

Well at first he didnt want anything to do with Ellie but for the last few weeks he has been coming round every Thursday to see her, But this Thursday stupid off me I offered to make him tea. So there I was making tea he kept saying over and over 'how long will it be?' Then he wouldnt play with Ellie and keep her out of the kitchen while I made it and rather flick through tv channels. He really grated on me when he was here this time and for the first time I didnt cry when he was leaving or after (I cried everytime he was here before this)

Last fathers day I made a big deal out of it, I got him loads of lovely things and planned a day out, when we got there he was in a mood and ended up leaving me and Ellie getting in his car and drove off and left us for a long while.

Anyway........... He didnt acknowledge mothers day what so ever not even a text or anything. So I thought I would do the same but I dont think it would even effect him in anyway.

But, Im not like that I am a nice person even after what he has put both me and Ellie through he is her dad. We were talking about fathers day a couple of weeks ago and I said I will see near the time etc..... So last night I sent him a message asking if he will be wanting to see Ellie on fathers day, he asked when it was so I told him...... He then said yeah I might be able to pop round for a little bit but to be honest saturday will be best for me, haha I was like well no fathers day is on the Sunday. He then said that he goes out on Saturday nights and that he would have a hangover and other stuff to do so that would it be ok for him to come on the saturday. I then sent him a message just saying, I can tell you dont want to come, I just thought with it being fathers day and you have a daughter that you would want to see her. I told him that it upsets me that he would rather go out and have a hangover the next day over seeing her on fathers day and for him to forget I even asked and that I would do something with her instead. He then sent me a message back saying, yes I think it is best that we forget you asked.

Why would he not want to see his own daughter on fathers day??? Because of this and the way he was when he was round here on Thursday I feel like just telling him to f**k off all together now because he isnt really all that interested in her I dont know why because she is beautiful and amazing and I love her so much, I dont know how he goes without seeing her for so long........ When we first split he didnt see her for 10weeks and I pushed all that 10weeks for him to come and see her.

He surname has been changed over to mine. I talked to him about seeing her in a contact centre and going through a solicitor and do it that way because when he gets nasty he gets REALLY nasty and I dont think I have to deal with that anymore He said he didnt want to get a solicitor and didnt like the idea of a contact centre and he would rather see her at mine with me there. So agreed, It upsets me seeing him well apart from the last time he made me mad more than anything due to not being interested in Ellie.

To me it seems like he comes round here because he feels that he has GOT to rather then him wanting to iykwim????

Just dont know what to do anymore???

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a rant, was just ment to be about fathers day, haha But this guy really gets to me. He has to have everything his own eay and always has and always seems to make me feel guily and I fall for it.

His mum is a total b**ch aswell, she has been going round slagging me off to her mates and he has told me what all his mums mates think of me etc...... needless to say I have stopped her from setting foot round her. She again never even plays with ellie she comes round in her posh work suits and high heels and tries to get Ellie to sit on her knee by sqeeeeezing her to death while Ellie is trying to break free, she has never been a proper grandma iykwim???

Anyway his whole family...... and him more than anyway just take it out of me and I dont know what to do anymore..........

Any input welcome and again sorry for the massive rant, good to get it out though!!!!

 

[hancake100]

Anyone.......?

 

[xKARENxBABYx]

Really Anoying she beautiful to start off with and its his loss! when ellie grows up she will know what hes like and you tried she will make her mind up about him and he will be so sorry. as for fathersday you can do something with her as tbh your her mum and dad. keep you're chin up. if i was you i wouldn't contact him too see her sounds like shes better off without him hun xx sending some hugs you're way

 

[xSophieBx]

What a total arse!! Don't contact him anymore, I know your a nice person but seriously, let him do the chasing... if his bothered about his daughter he'll be the one contacting u FIRST making arrangements to see her. Don't get him a present or a card. As far as I'm concerned he doesn't deserve the title of 'dad' with that behavior! Men really do have no clue... Sorry I'm rubbish with advice. But please don't let it get u down. You have a beautiful daughter that is a credit to YOU... not him. Its his loss if he can't b bothered to make the effort and your daughter can make her own mind up when shes older! Least u've tried xxx

 

[hancake100]

Thanks for the replies girls

I have calmed down a little now and im not going to let him get to me. Since we split up I have tried all I can to get him to be there for Ellie but it seems going out getting drunk and the gym are far more important to him. We only contact each other via email/facebook inbox, he changed his number so I couldnt contact him. I have decided I am not going to contact him now. I really do think that it will come to a point that it becomes a chore for him to even come and see her for an hour a week. Just upsets me looking at my daughter when she is happy and playing and thinking why on earth would he not want to be apart of her life, I just feel for her, but like you said she will make her own mind up when older.

My mum contacted his mum awhile back to get her to talk to him about backing of with being so nasty to me and thats when I found out what she thinks about me. She told my mum that she is starting a diary for Ellie to read for when she is older to make her own mind up. Im guessing this diary will be all about how bad I am etc... and what her friends think about me from what she has said. I dont know what to do about this woman either???

 

[xSophieBx]

Good for you. Lets see how much he cares about his daughter now - bet he gives up eventually. I know its upsetting that he doesn't want to be part of her life but she has a fantastic mum and your family that will give her all the love she'll need.

As for the bottom bit about his mum I'm actually gobsmacked!! You don't want people like that in yours or Ellie's lives! It could be all talk but if she does, and gives this 'diary' to Ellie when shes older, I don't think Ellie will appreciate her slagging her mum off thats brought her up, provided her with everything etc. So don't let it get to u.

Hope your ok xxx

 

[hancake100]

Ive got a message off him today just saying 'Are you ok?' What am I ment to say to that?? haha I have just left it for now and dont think I should even reply to it.

Your right, she doesnt need people like that in her life and I shouldnt have to put up with it either. I just dont want him walking in and out wheneve he feels like, which I can see that maybe what HE wants to do. I really wish he would bugger off

His mum is one on her own, she is one of them people who says things to you that she wants you to hear at that time...... Ive caught her out a few times ever since I have known her but put up with it but now I dont have to

 

[manda22]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've learned that it's not my job to ask him when he wants to see our daughter. As for father's day he hasnt said anything and she is still too young to leave me for an amount of time since she's also breastfed. I'm done making it convient for him.

 

[xSophieBx]

No I wouldn't bother replying. Don't reply to anything that isn't to do with your daughter!

If you don't feel comfortable with him coming round ur house have u thought about sorting out a contact centre? As he'll have to do EVERYTHING for ellie there without having u to fall back on, and he can't come round ur house and take the piss. I wish my loser FOB would bugger off too.

xxx

 

[hancake100]

It did get to a point of him being so nasty to me that I told him to get his own solicitor and for us to sort something out without us talking and arrange for him to see Ellie in a contact centre. He didnt know what one was so after me telling him he was very against it, thats when all the sorry's etc.... came along and he said he would much rather see her with me at mine (but now im just thinking its because he can sit there and watch telly and just pretend that he is dad of the year)

Im silly really because after all he has done to me I really dont owe him anything or any more chances.

I would NEVER trust him or his mum to come and pick her up from mine for even a few hours.... not in a million years.

 

[MikaylasMummy]

if that is his attitude towards you and her then stuff him!stop contacting him and get a special diary where u can keep a record of when he actually does try and contact you about seeing her.also if you contact him(although i think you should not bother) then write that in the diary too..him and his mum sound like mean spirited and spiteful people and i am nearly positive that once you stop trying so hard they will decide that they actually want access to bubby and fight you for it.that is when it will come in handy to have the diary so you know all the facts and you can prove he never wanted to see her until you stopped making the effort and that its out of spite.i have seen a few friends go through a similar situation and really for yours and bubs sake i hope u take my advice and start noting things down with dates, times ect. your daughter does not need a half arsed father in her life best he not be there at all because if she sees him sometimes and then not for a long period or if he never seems to care when he does see her then she will start to pick up on that and it will make her much sadder than if he was just absent alltogether..out of sight out of mind sort of thing.i feel so sorry for you because you sound like a wonderful caring mother and a lovely person being the bigger person even though fob is a dick and wanting him to be a part of his babies life.i hope he picks up his act.x