whaaat!

[princess_x0]

hey girls sorry just another rant, but i have no one else i can talk about this with.
well i fell pregnant a few months ago and well lets just say the baby didnt survive. my bf didnt want it and wasnt ready to be a dad and all that bla bla bla shit.
but now suddenly this week he's been begging me to have my implant removed! i only had it fitted 3 weeks ago and he's suddenly ready for a baby. argh i can not believe him, he had his chance but he blew it and now he's finally regretting it. argh its just really getting it down because i only did what i did for him and now its like i did it for nothing as hes so desperate for a baby, even though im going back to college this month,and only earning £400-£450 a month, and hes not earning enough to look after us let alone a LO..

 

[polo_princess]

So you had an abortion and now he's decided he does want a baby?

 

[danni2609]

well if im honest i dont think hes ready i think he feels guilty! I dont think u sound convinced about it urself so dont do something u may regret and end up having another abortion!

 

[xarlenex]

Yeah it does sound more like guilt to be honest. And its completely not fair on you to have your body go through all that so soon. I would personally tell him yous need to think about it more, and its too soon after the abortion. See how yous feel in a few months?

 

[princess_x0]

So you had an abortion and now he's decided he does want a baby?

yeah.
but it just angers me coz he didnt want it in the first place

 

[princess_x0]

well if im honest i dont think hes ready i think he feels guilty! I dont think u sound convinced about it urself so dont do something u may regret and end up having another abortion!

yeah i think so to hun, i dont understand how in 2 months he can suddenly be so ready..
no im not going to get it removed for him, not for another year and half at least. my mum would kill me too

 

[danni2609]

Well good luck with whatever u decide x

 

[princess_x0]

Yeah it does sound more like guilt to be honest. And its completely not fair on you to have your body go through all that so soon. I would personally tell him yous need to think about it more, and its too soon after the abortion. See how yous feel in a few months?

Yeah, well i mean i would love to ttc now, its just the thing is i need to finish my course, pass my driving test and we havent even been away on our own together yet. I keep telling him we can start thinking about it end of next yr and will defo start trying after my 20th but he cant accept the fact, he is moaning coz its 2 and half yrs away..but i want to be working full time and earning enough to afford a 2 bed flat between us atleast..

 

[princess_x0]

Well good luck with whatever u decide x

ty babe x
btw your little girl is gorgeous! xx

 

[Nik_]

Yeah it does sound more like guilt to be honest. And its completely not fair on you to have your body go through all that so soon. I would personally tell him yous need to think about it more, and its too soon after the abortion. See how yous feel in a few months?

Yeah, well i mean i would love to ttc now, its just the thing is i need to finish my course, pass my driving test and we havent even been away on our own together yet. I keep telling him we can start thinking about it end of next yr and will defo start trying after my 20th but he cant accept the fact, he is moaning coz its 2 and half yrs away..but i want to be working full time and earning enough to afford a 2 bed flat between us atleast..

I think that sounds like a good plan. Most likely, he is just experiencing guilt. The plan you have is a good one as financial stability is crucial in raising a baby, as well as having a stable relationship and in a couple of years time, your relationship would be stable as right now you've still only been together for 9 months.

He just needs to understand the points you're trying to make.

 

[princess_x0]

Yeah it does sound more like guilt to be honest. And its completely not fair on you to have your body go through all that so soon. I would personally tell him yous need to think about it more, and its too soon after the abortion. See how yous feel in a few months?

Yeah, well i mean i would love to ttc now, its just the thing is i need to finish my course, pass my driving test and we havent even been away on our own together yet. I keep telling him we can start thinking about it end of next yr and will defo start trying after my 20th but he cant accept the fact, he is moaning coz its 2 and half yrs away..but i want to be working full time and earning enough to afford a 2 bed flat between us atleast..

I think that sounds like a good plan. Most likely, he is just experiencing guilt. The plan you have is a good one as financial stability is crucial in raising a baby, as well as having a stable relationship and in a couple of years time, your relationship would be stable as right now you've still only been together for 9 months.

He just needs to understand the points you're trying to make.

Thanks hun.
We had a long conversation about it tonight and he finally understands.
But he even asked his mum about it and she said she would be disappointed and feel sorry for us because we are still young but she would still be there for us. And now he thinks that because she said that he thinks its made everything better and things can happen sooner. But I explained to him that we need to get our lives sorted first. We need to enjoy a carefree life whilst we can and I think he finally understands. I mean what's done is done. And I'm thinking of re doing my GCSEs and going to into midwifery. Which I want to do before children coz I think midwifery would give me a better wage than what I'm doing and I would be able to provide better for my kids.

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Sounds like you have a good plan there as to what you want to do. I think that the others may be right and it could be guilt that's made him decide he wants it now. Either way hats of to you for being so sensible and planning your life first

 

[princess_x0]

Sounds like you have a good plan there as to what you want to do. I think that the others may be right and it could be guilt that's made him decide he wants it now. Either way hats of to you for being so sensible and planning your life first

Thanks hun.
Well I mean I'm more mature than him and cope alot better in situations as he is an only child and been wrapped up in cotton wool all his life, so he's the most dependant person ever. Where as I haven't and have always been independant.
I just have a feeling even in 3 yrs time once the novelty of having a baby has worn off and the screaming all night sets in, he won't be able to cope.
xx

 

[jobee2222]

Your a wise girl, someone has to be the sensible one. Wait till your ready and he's earning enough and isnt just gonna change his mind once again. Clearly he has a tendency to do so.

 

[princess_x0]

Your a wise girl, someone has to be the sensible one. Wait till your ready and he's earning enough and isnt just gonna change his mind once again. Clearly he has a tendency to do so.

Yup one minute he's ready the next he ent. He always changes his bloody mind at the wrong time though. That's the problem.
We were on mamas and pupas the other night and I just wanted to show him the cost of just getting everything ready for the baby and it came to 4 and half grand not including clothes nappies and food and he was like 'oh that's ok' I was like YOU WHAT ARE YOU STUPID YOU DONT EVEN EARN A £1000 A MONTH!!!
Grr. Men.
I hate em xxx

 

[claire1983]

Yeah, well i mean i would love to ttc now, its just the thing is i need to finish my course, pass my driving test and we havent even been away on our own together yet. I keep telling him we can start thinking about it end of next yr and will defo start trying after my 20th but he cant accept the fact, he is moaning coz its 2 and half yrs away..but i want to be working full time and earning enough to afford a 2 bed flat between us atleast..[/QUOTE]

Sounds like you have your head screwed on to me - you dont sound ready by what you are saying and what he is saying sounds like guilty talk to me and you are right to want to wait and provide a better life for the baby and yourself - its no fun on benefits in a horrible flat that you cant stand cos then your trapped and if he didnt want it 2 months ago the reality of a baby is always not what you expect and after you give birth he would realise he was right in the first place - he wasnt ready and he may do one or regret it the rest of his life cos he cant provide for his family. 2 years is nothing if he really wants a baby and loves you and respects you he will wait until you are BOTH ready and you are financially stable, living together (believe me its completely different when you've lived with them!) and in the right state of mind. Good luck.

 

[princess_x0]

Yeah, well i mean i would love to ttc now, its just the thing is i need to finish my course, pass my driving test and we havent even been away on our own together yet. I keep telling him we can start thinking about it end of next yr and will defo start trying after my 20th but he cant accept the fact, he is moaning coz its 2 and half yrs away..but i want to be working full time and earning enough to afford a 2 bed flat between us atleast..

Sounds like you have your head screwed on to me - you dont sound ready by what you are saying and what he is saying sounds like guilty talk to me and you are right to want to wait and provide a better life for the baby and yourself - its no fun on benefits in a horrible flat that you cant stand cos then your trapped and if he didnt want it 2 months ago the reality of a baby is always not what you expect and after you give birth he would realise he was right in the first place - he wasnt ready and he may do one or regret it the rest of his life cos he cant provide for his family. 2 years is nothing if he really wants a baby and loves you and respects you he will wait until you are BOTH ready and you are financially stable, living together (believe me its completely different when you've lived with them!) and in the right state of mind. Good luck.[/QUOTE]

Thanks hun.
Lol well I hope so, when we stay together for a week he whinges like a baby all the time. I really hope he grows up
xxx

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Yeah, good on you for being able to be the mature one and take a step back and review the situation as things really are. Hope your OH does some growing up and then you can get down to having a family x

 

[Ria_Rose]

You sounds really sensible and I think you know the answer to your own question.

Maybe he feels guilty for what happens and thinks having a baby would make you happy?

He sounds like he's made this desicion on an other whim, and it's a human life we're talking about. If he really wants to bring a LO into the world then he should get working on sorting out his life so that he can provide for his new family so he can provide for you both. And that might take a few years, but isn't it worth it to know that he will be able to give his baby everything it could want.

 

[claire1983]

Just realised you are thinking about midwifery. I am applying for a degree in midwifery for sept 2009. It is competitive and the universities like you to know what your getting yourself into as its not like any 'normal' degree you have to work shifts and dont get long holidays off like everyone else but you do get a bursary (like a grant as you dont pay it back) and get to train in what I think is the most valuable job ever. The most important thing to the universities isnt so much your qualifications - although you will need to be educated to a level standard - if you havent got a levels (like me) an access course in health or something similar at your local college which takes a year is enough to get you in - usually without having to have any gcse's although every uni is different so you would need to ask each one that you are thinking of going to what they would require. The most important thing is doing your research - reas up loads about the role of a midwife - maybe subscribe to a midwifery journal and try and contact your local hospital to see if you can get some work experience - this can be difficult as some hospitals dont allow it - if you cant get work experience see if you can at least have a chat with one of the midwives as this all helps you to look a good candidate for the course. This is a great forum to chat if you are thinking of being a midwife www.studentmidwife.net. Good luck