What did you say to the consultant/midwife to "get your way"

[Angel2Fire]

Sorry all the posts. I realise I've made quite a few asking the same sorts of questions recently.

I feel a lot more empowered after speaking to my doula and the info and advice people on here have given me.

I have a midwife appointment in 3 weeks, then a consultant appointment 6 weeks after that. I previously had a c-section, but want this birth to be a VBAC with a home labour, as little pain relief as possible and no constant monitoring.

I'd love to hear from people who have had to argue their case. I am rubbish at getting my point across, I just end up backing down and agreeing to what I'm being told. Also, my midwife and consultant are both lovely and I dont want to get their backs up.

How can I stay polite but also get my point across and ultimatly "get what I want?"

My consultant wants me to labour in hospital, with constant monitoring and an epidural, completely the opposite of what I want. He told me it was impossible for me to labour at home and they need me in hospital where they can monitor me. I just ended up agreeing because I'm so rubbish, and he's a lovely man, just so fixed on hospital policy!

So, the question is, how did you do it?

 

[disneyleanne]

What you need to realise is this is YOUR decision! It doesn't matter what the consultant wants, it's up to you to tell them what you plan to do, no negotiation or terms, it is what it is.

When I saw my consultant the first thing he said was " we will have to book a c-section there's no other way"( I have had 2 previous emcs). But I calmly said no and informed him that I would be trying for a home water birth, end of. I wasn't there to seek permission or ask for anything. I was there simply to state my intentions. I also said that I would be going with midwife led care after the initial consultant meeting.
I wasnt confrontational, I just went armed with facts and figures so I could throw them at him when the scare tactics came out but it really wasn't necessary. He listened to me and understood that I knew my own mind.

I would say it would be a good idea for your doula to go with you to see the consultant, she can be your voice if you start to have a wobble.

 

[TattiesMum]

Leanne is right ... this is your decision to make It's nothing to do with the consultant or the midwife and keeping them happy really isn't your concern

I went in knowing that it was my legal right to labour and birth at home and with all the facts and figures at my fingertips ... then I just quietly refused to budge ...

I let them ramble on to their hearts' content and just kept repeating "yes I appreciate that this is your opinion, but it's my legal right to have a home birth and that's what I want"

There's no need to be rude but you will need to be firm and consistent and to make it clear that you aren't going to be pushed around - and the bottom line is that they ARE going to get narked with that (medical professions generally don't like being stood up to) ... but at the end of the day you don't have to get on with them Who really cares if you 'upset' them? They aren't all that bothered about whether their attitudes upset you are they?

 

[tazgirl]

Stay calm and collected, I wouldnt get emotional in front of them. Just repeatedly say that you appreciate their position but that you have done your own research and this is the decision you have come to. My consultant said that he disagreed and documented as such in my notes. However he stated that there was nothing he could do to stop me and that he knew I knew that too therefore that was that! My gas cylinders were delivered today...how exciting, it finally feels real now! Good luck

 

[Pixxie]

Just say 'Ive listened to your advice and opinions but I will be ... So arrange to have a midwife come out to my house please' if they try and pull the old 'understaffed' argumen only you say 'well I suppose I'll be having an unassisted birth then!' cheerfully, get them going xx