what do i do during the birth?

[vauxhalldaddy]

as title reads really... what is expected of me, what can i do to help her? what should i take with me?

and also i would like to get her a present so when she's cleaned up etc and baby dressed i can pull something nice out.... what would a woman like? i was thinking a locket any ideas people?

 

[tristansmum]

aww your so lovely.

i just remember my husband being at my side the whole time. i held his hand and he passed my water to me and basically was just "there for me". every woman is different and you can't predict what she'll want so just be flexible. one minute she might be asking you to rub her back and the next she wants to be left alone. just do as she asks.

i don't know about a present to be honest. right after the birth you'll probably be totally into your new baby so i'd say leave the present giving for later on. xx

 

[vauxhalldaddy]

im just scared she will think i didnt help her, i hate it when she is sick so seeing her on pain is going to kill me.

 

[tristansmum]

she won't think that. to be honest only she can labour and give birth. all you can do is support her. talk to her about what she wants you to do for her but as i said be flexible on the day. my husband tells me that it was very hard to see me in pain and when my birth didn't go to plan he was terrified. i however, was totally unaware of this as he covered up his concerns which i'm very grateful for.

aslong as you don't act like an idiot you'll be fine (ie no flirting with midwives, making stupid jokes, insult your partner, faint, complain) LOL

 

[vauxhalldaddy]

she won't think that. to be honest only she can labour and give birth. all you can do is support her. talk to her about what she wants you to do for her but as i said be flexible on the day. my husband tells me that it was very hard to see me in pain and when my birth didn't go to plan he was terrified. i however, was totally unaware of this as he covered up his concerns which i'm very grateful for.

aslong as you don't act like an idiot you'll be fine (ie no flirting with midwives, making stupid jokes, insult your partner, faint, complain) LOL

got that! thanks. big help

 

[tristansmum]

she won't think that. to be honest only she can labour and give birth. all you can do is support her. talk to her about what she wants you to do for her but as i said be flexible on the day. my husband tells me that it was very hard to see me in pain and when my birth didn't go to plan he was terrified. i however, was totally unaware of this as he covered up his concerns which i'm very grateful for.

aslong as you don't act like an idiot you'll be fine (ie no flirting with midwives, making stupid jokes, insult your partner, faint, complain) LOL

got that! thanks. big help

haahaa... watching 'One born Every Minute' there were a few fathers that managed to do all of the above

 

[vauxhalldaddy]

I think i would need pain relief if i ever tried anything like that!

 

[kmumtobe]

My oh baught me an ice-cream, a little misguided I feel!

 

[Blah11]

Just sit there. Hold her hand if she wants, rub her back if she wants. I didnt want touched during labour so my OH actually went home to nap for a while (my mum was there too). Dont moan about being tired/bored/hungry!

 

[Rachyroux]

For me personally my boyfriend got the balance just right, I didn't want him too much in my face as I wanted to concentrate, he was holding my hand and saying motivating things.. You can ask her what you can do to help and she'll let you know haha I love my boyfriend but when I was in labour I really didn't want to talk to anyone but that was me personally, I just needed to concentrate.. I think a lovely idea for a present would be a heart shaped locket, one she can put a photo of her and baby in. Take a picture of her holding your baby when little one is placed on mummys chest, and then you can put that picture in the locket for her
What not to do- don't complain about anything, I second the - don't flirt with midwives, try not to faint too, don't let her see your scared. good luck!

ps- also shows you DO care and you ARE there for her just by you making the effort to find a forum to ask this. Well done, very considerate

 

[mumatmadhouse]

Its great to see a dad here and as the previous poster said that already shows you care and want to support your partner. Good on you!
Like the others said, just kind of go with what she wants at the time. Although what she wants you to do one minute may be the wrong thing to do the next, lol. Just be there for her, I'm sure you will make a great birthing partner. Good luck!

 

[lynnikins]

i just posted a thread " for the blokes in our lives " its a "DONT DO IT" list for the guys during labour,
honestly just be there respond when she needs it and let her have her space if she wants it and dont take anything she says in labour personally

i think a present is a wonderful idea ( can you drop hints to my husband ) and perhaps if you can find her all time favorite snack to have on hand for post birth as well.

 

[Eternal]

My OH was there the whole time, but I didnt like being touched or anything, but when i needed him he was there and didnt complian at all despite being tired etc.

This time i really am going to try and include him more though.

 

[Sooz]

My DH tried rubbing my back during labour because he knew I was looking forward to some massage and yet, it took all my will power not to just yell at him to get off me! I didn't want him (or anyone else for that matter) to touch me at all. In all honesty 90% of the time I wouldn't even have noticed if he hadn't been in the delivery room but by making himself the useful holder of the gas & air and water cup he became the most important object there to me, as I was in the birthing pool. I would just flap an arm at him when a contraction started and he'd offer the G&A or the water.....he quickly learned always to offer the G&A first to avoid my wrath, do not give a woman water as pain relief mid-contraction, she won't thank you.

 

[Deethehippy]

Its lovely that you are so considerate
I think though that the best present you could give her will be your baby in her arms so nothing else will compare at the time.
Just be there and hold her hand and tell her how well she is doing, you will be fine and all she will want is you to be by her side.

 

[fenners]

chat with your other half before the birth, find out what she wants but at the end of the day be flexible and above all just be there...also try not to worry about it too much.

 

[nicki01]

Awww you sooo sweet! i think the present it a lovely idea, dont do it straight away though, i would give it a couple of hours after. It was a bit of a whirlwind of emotion when charlie was born and i think you need to wait till you have all had a cuddle with the little one and then do it! How thoughtfull are you!

 

[kaths101]

yeah I agree, don't touch her unless she asks, my OH was also the gas and air holder and the drinks dispenser - have a cup and straw ready as its so hard to drink. I had lucozade and water which was fab..

Get to know the cues
i.e contractions starting = gas and air in mouth
end of contraction = cup of water in mouth

and thats about it!! and a few choice words - you are doing really well, im really proud of you etc etc but don't go too OTT.

Good Luck

 

[RHR]

Aww, how lovely are you. My OH kept giving me drinks and encouraging me to push. Just knowing he was there helped me. Also if she wants anything, to try and get it for her, ie drinks, fanning. Back being rubbed.

My OH was brilliant, but I can't really remember much of what he said to me when I was in labour. I know he took my socks off when I asked for them to be taken off and tied my hair up coz I was so hot and gave me drinks and encouraged me, but other than that I can't remember.

 

[goddess25]

Just listen to her and do as she asks and be there for her in any way you can. My husband was wonderful holding my hand, talking to me, reassuring me that everything was fine, massaging my back and holding me up in various positions. First labour he was covered in bruises all over his arms I was holding him so tight. He didn't moan or complain ever about being tired, hungry, needing to pee anything. It wasn't until baby was out and I had time to look at him properly I saw how exhausting it was for him too.

In terms of a present a locket would be nice or a charm bracelet with a baby related charm but it isn't really necessary. My husband said the most wonderful thing to me that meant more than any gift he could have ever given.