what do i do? i dont know if i can face going back to work

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by GypsyDancer, Mar 29, 2011.

  1. GypsyDancer

    GypsyDancer Mummy to Zach <3

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    Hi all..just looking for abit of advice really..

    Im due to go back to work on the 2nd of May..only part time..i went in to my work yesterday as they asked me to come in to discuss me coming back and i just feel soo negative about going back now..

    I asked if i could drop my thursday evening..its only 2 and a half hours but for all its worth its pointless me doing it at all..i explained im still breastfeeding so it means ive got to drop zach of somewhere to be looked after..pump enough milk..sort his dinner out drive to town to park..get to work..work finish working get back to where zach is and go home..all in all its just totally not worth it..
    they said no..because if i dont do it..theyre not hiring anyone else to take my place..(but what would they do if i decided to leave? theyd havta replace me then? :nope:)

    I stated again that im still breastfeeding and they just completely ignored it..well theyre going to have to sort something out cause i cant just leave my booobs theyll explode! haha..
    i then went on to explain to them that lo has some health "problems" and that obviously if he has to go to hospital i wont be coming in..they were ok but they didnt seem interested i dont know what i expected the manager just seemed like she really oculdnt be bothered to talk to me..I didnt even feel like i could tell them that ive recently been diagnosed with pnd..and one of my main feelings is im just overly irrationally fearful of leaving LO..i just cant stand it..i get panicky and angry..and then i get really nasty with who ever has him..then i just completely blank LO and dont want to be near him (im okay if im doing it on my own accord and feel okay that day) :cry: I know im horrible i cant help it..:cry: im starting counselling hopefiully soon but i cant see anything changing just yet and i just know that going to work is going to be a reallyy big battle for me..i feel sick just thinking about it now :(

    When i walked in i just filled with dread and felt completely uncomfortable being there..I want to work :( I dont mind working but i just dont feel like im ready to leave LO yet..I really dont know if i can :cry: and theres going to be loads of customers coming in with their babies as a family and im just going to be watching them wanting to get back to lo..i'll probably have a breakdown!:haha:

    Does anyone know any legit jobs i can do from home? I want to work and earn my own money but i realllyy dont know if i can leave him :cry: im crying just thinking about it now..But i dont think i can afford to not work..we could probably just manage..but only just..

    I spoke to OH..he said i shouldnt go back if i dont want to he'd rather me be happy looking after Zach..but my mum thinks i should and OH's mum and stepdad just keep going on about how theyll look after lo and even told me to increase my hours at first which would be even worse!

    I knwo the grandparents are just excited about looking after him but the thought of them taking him into town or out for walks, to cafes ect makes me feel sick and really really angry i just know that im going to turn nasty about it at some point :nope:

    Sorry girls for the moan i just dont know what to do!! im so confused! Ive left it with work that im going back..but my whole body is screaming at me telling me to just quit and focus on making myself feel happier first..
    but if i leave it means i need to find another job when i am finally ready to work again..also ive worked at my work since i turned 16..im 21 next month so 5 years now.i dont particularly enjoy my job..its just working in a coffee shop..its just become a habit..any advice would be greatly appreciated..

    would you just suck it up and go back? or leave?:shrug:
     
  2. GypsyDancer

    GypsyDancer Mummy to Zach <3

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    i also get the feeling that the grand parents only want me to go back because they all want lo to themselfs..ive tried telling them im really upset about it but i think they just want a chance to have lo to themselfs and take him out and pretend he's theres and take over him..they just keep going on about it..
     
  3. pink_rulez

    pink_rulez Mummy to Sophie & bump

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    I think what you wrote at the bottom of ur thread about not enjoying the work but it's just become a habit, sort of answered it for me, I you feel like that and you can just manage money wise I would not go back see how it Goes with you staying at home n if it dosnt work out or you can manage money wise then look for something else. I am going trough the same sort of thing at the moment n thats my plan. If you don't enjoy your job may be a change is needed anyway.
    The other part of me is worrying about giving up a job when there are so many people looking for a job, but my oh said there's always something about and I'm not happy where I am so you might as wel try something different if you need to
    Hope every thong sorts it's self out for you xxxx
     
  4. pink_rulez

    pink_rulez Mummy to Sophie & bump

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    Oh n with grandparents do they have lo for sleep overs or days out by them selves I found this helped with them wanting to see lo n it gave me n oh time for our selves, I know it's hard to leave lo at first but now I really enjoy the time away from her. It make me realise how much I love her n love the first cuddles with her when she gets home x
     
  5. Elphaba

    Elphaba Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun :hugs:. I'm not sure I have any real advice but didn't want to read and run.

    Please don't feel bad for how you are feeling - it's the PND talking. And, even leaving that aside, it's normal to be anxious to leave your little one to go back to work. I'm still trying to decide myself whether to go back so am probably not much help.

    It looks like your Zach is just a few days older than my son. I know I don't have to go back until August although my money will run out in May. Is this the same for you? If you could just about manage - and your DH has said he is happy for your to be home with your son - would an option be to tell work you'd take the full twelve months maternity leave and go back in August instead? This would give you an extra three months to have the conselling for your PND and might make the world of difference. And then you'd still have the option to quit if you didn't want to go back.

    :hugs:
     
  6. GypsyDancer

    GypsyDancer Mummy to Zach <3

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    not really :nope: im bf and co sleep so i wouldnt let them have him over night..ive left him with them once or twice when ive gone to see them so i can quickly pop to the shops without having to drag the pram out but only for about 2/3 hours max so far..
    I havent let them take him out without me yet though :blush: im too scared to..
    but i think your right about the job becoming more of a habit..maybe i would be happier in a different job..x
     
  7. louisiana

    louisiana mummy and ttc#2

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    if you can afford it financially then i wouldnt go back. or is there any way your doctor would sign you off work sick till you can feel more on top of your pnd?i only say that because it would give you time to figure out if its the pnd making you feel like you want to give up your job.
     
  8. Lellow

    Lellow Déjà poo ... Get it?

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    Hi,

    Im not going to pretend that i know how you feel with regards to PND, but i would like to to say is that if you do have PND, i think that putting yourself in a situation your not comfortable with and one that will only create extra stress for you is only going to exacerbate your PND and potentially make you feel worse!

    All id say is that IF your able to make ends meet for a few months til you have things under control and then perhaps set about looking for a job you'd feel more comfortable going into.

    Your well-being is of the utmost importance for your and your little family so put yaself first for the sake of those around who mean so much.

    :hugs:
     

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