Hi all..just looking for abit of advice really.. Im due to go back to work on the 2nd of May..only part time..i went in to my work yesterday as they asked me to come in to discuss me coming back and i just feel soo negative about going back now.. I asked if i could drop my thursday evening..its only 2 and a half hours but for all its worth its pointless me doing it at all..i explained im still breastfeeding so it means ive got to drop zach of somewhere to be looked after..pump enough milk..sort his dinner out drive to town to park..get to work..work finish working get back to where zach is and go home..all in all its just totally not worth it.. they said no..because if i dont do it..theyre not hiring anyone else to take my place..(but what would they do if i decided to leave? theyd havta replace me then? ) I stated again that im still breastfeeding and they just completely ignored it..well theyre going to have to sort something out cause i cant just leave my booobs theyll explode! haha.. i then went on to explain to them that lo has some health "problems" and that obviously if he has to go to hospital i wont be coming in..they were ok but they didnt seem interested i dont know what i expected the manager just seemed like she really oculdnt be bothered to talk to me..I didnt even feel like i could tell them that ive recently been diagnosed with pnd..and one of my main feelings is im just overly irrationally fearful of leaving LO..i just cant stand it..i get panicky and angry..and then i get really nasty with who ever has him..then i just completely blank LO and dont want to be near him (im okay if im doing it on my own accord and feel okay that day) I know im horrible i cant help it.. im starting counselling hopefiully soon but i cant see anything changing just yet and i just know that going to work is going to be a reallyy big battle for me..i feel sick just thinking about it now When i walked in i just filled with dread and felt completely uncomfortable being there..I want to work I dont mind working but i just dont feel like im ready to leave LO yet..I really dont know if i can and theres going to be loads of customers coming in with their babies as a family and im just going to be watching them wanting to get back to lo..i'll probably have a breakdown! Does anyone know any legit jobs i can do from home? I want to work and earn my own money but i realllyy dont know if i can leave him im crying just thinking about it now..But i dont think i can afford to not work..we could probably just manage..but only just.. I spoke to OH..he said i shouldnt go back if i dont want to he'd rather me be happy looking after Zach..but my mum thinks i should and OH's mum and stepdad just keep going on about how theyll look after lo and even told me to increase my hours at first which would be even worse! I knwo the grandparents are just excited about looking after him but the thought of them taking him into town or out for walks, to cafes ect makes me feel sick and really really angry i just know that im going to turn nasty about it at some point Sorry girls for the moan i just dont know what to do!! im so confused! Ive left it with work that im going back..but my whole body is screaming at me telling me to just quit and focus on making myself feel happier first.. but if i leave it means i need to find another job when i am finally ready to work again..also ive worked at my work since i turned 16..im 21 next month so 5 years now.i dont particularly enjoy my job..its just working in a coffee shop..its just become a habit..any advice would be greatly appreciated.. would you just suck it up and go back? or leave?