What do you do about Christmas?

[tone]

Hi everyone! I'm having a bit of trouble with FOB and his parents! His parents want Callum Christmas day from 12.30pm till 6pm Now they had him all day on his birthday this year (10am till 5pm) so I wasn't able to have a party for him on his birthday as he was too tired and fell asleep as soon as he got home! And now they want him Christmas! I'm a very shy person and when they asked I told them I had already planned Christmas with Callum but they kept on at me knowing I would crumble and I agreed! Now as soon as I walked away I burst out crying! I've decided to be strong and tell them no they can't have him, until 4pm. And then each year they have him either Xmas or birthday and I have him the other one! Am I being unreasonable?! I just want Xmas day and dinner with him as I didn't really get to spend his birthday with him! What do you do during Xmas? I think I'm actually being very fair. It's just so hard isnt it! I hate sharing him I want him every year

 

[dustbunny]

No you are not being unreasonable at all, especially as they had him for his entire birthday. From what I have gathered many fathers either come over to share their presents in the afternoon [this is still what my dad does] or the FOB comes over boxing day... perhaps you could say they could have Callum for New Years Eve or Day... I wouldn't let people bully you into something you are not comfortable with. Explain to them your plan... that you want and are having Callum Christmas day, you have already planned it and it is not up for discussion.

 

[tone]

No you are not being unreasonable at all, especially as they had him for his entire birthday. From what I have gathered many fathers either come over to share their presents in the afternoon [this is still what my dad does] or the FOB comes over boxing day... perhaps you could say they could have Callum for New Years Eve or Day... I wouldn't let people bully you into something you are not comfortable with. Explain to them your plan... that you want and are having Callum Christmas day, you have already planned it and it is not up for discussion.

Thanks dustbunny! Ive just txt him (Callum's grandad) and explained that they can have him next Xmas as they had him for his birthday this year and saying I feel like they are bullying me into it and he just txt back 'no thanks' aaaaaaaagh! I think I'm being really nice saying they can have him from 4pm till the next afternoon!!! I'm the kind of person who hates confrontation and arguments so this is really getting to me

 

[tone]

No you are not being unreasonable at all, especially as they had him for his entire birthday. From what I have gathered many fathers either come over to share their presents in the afternoon [this is still what my dad does] or the FOB comes over boxing day... perhaps you could say they could have Callum for New Years Eve or Day... I wouldn't let people bully you into something you are not comfortable with. Explain to them your plan... that you want and are having Callum Christmas day, you have already planned it and it is not up for discussion.

Thanks dustbunny! Ive just txt him (Callum's grandad) and explained that they can have him next Xmas as they had him for his birthday this year and saying I feel like they are bullying me into it and he just txt back 'no thanks' aaaaaaaagh! I think I'm being really nice saying they can have him from 4pm till the next afternoon!!! I'm the kind of person who hates confrontation and arguments so this is really getting to me I wish I could be stronger and just tell them to do one!!

 

[tone]

Sorry didn't mean to post twice lol stupid iPhone!!

 

[dustbunny]

No you are not being unreasonable at all, especially as they had him for his entire birthday. From what I have gathered many fathers either come over to share their presents in the afternoon [this is still what my dad does] or the FOB comes over boxing day... perhaps you could say they could have Callum for New Years Eve or Day... I wouldn't let people bully you into something you are not comfortable with. Explain to them your plan... that you want and are having Callum Christmas day, you have already planned it and it is not up for discussion.

Thanks dustbunny! Ive just txt him (Callum's grandad) and explained that they can have him next Xmas as they had him for his birthday this year and saying I feel like they are bullying me into it and he just txt back 'no thanks' aaaaaaaagh! I think I'm being really nice saying they can have him from 4pm till the next afternoon!!! I'm the kind of person who hates confrontation and arguments so this is really getting to me I wish I could be stronger and just tell them to do one!!

They are being completely unreasonable and are expecting you to back down. I know standing up to people is hard, especially when you are shy but look at is as step out of your comfort zone in a positive way. It is only when we venture out of our comfort zones and explore new areas that they can expand. You are being perfectly reasonable... keep that in mind, it is them who are having the temper tantrum. Stand firm

 

[MummyJade]

Hun, you don't have to send your LO anywhere.... FOB would of (hes in prison) had Maizie either from 4pm till boxing day or boxing day 10am till the 27th....

You have xmas with your son, they had has birthday so do not worry... say no and if its an issue tell them to get a solicitor...

Whats it to do with his parents anyway! its between you and FOB...
x

Edit: They don't even want your son over night, it seems like they want him for the day just so you dont get to spend the special day with him, same as his birthday...

Do not let them walk all over you...
and if they say about court let them do it, you are being totally reasonable and a judge would agree with you

x

 

[Laura2919]

If you dont want to let him go then dont. You dont have to do anything you dont want to.

FOB has Chloe and Jaycee from Friday until 12pm Christmas Day and then he brings them to me and I have them from then onwards...

Its not ideal but it falls on his weekend so we compromised. I have them their birthday so he can either come here and see them or just see them when they are at their party which I have organised.

Dont let them keep picking and picking until they win, you gotta be strong, say no and tell them your only gonna say it once.

 

[tone]

Thanks everyone! Looks like they are going to take me to court! FOB rang me and said its not up to you what happens. And I said yes it is!! And he went mad saying he's having him Xmas no matter what it takes and hes going for full custody!! It's just so pathetic!!

 

[MissRhead]

Stand your ground hun you dont have to do anything you dont want to. Ive just gone through a similar thing with FOB, he wanted to see LO on xmas day but hes not aloud at my parents house (where we will be) so he demanded that he takes him. Not a chance would i not be spending christmas without LO so i told him he can have him for 1 hour in the afternoon whilst we are preparing dinner. I think youve been more than fair letting him have him on his birthday, he cant expect to have him all of xmas day too. Just stay firm, remember its your desicion, i think hes being very unfair xx

 

[xSophieBx]

Oh let him give the empty threats. He hasn't got a hope in hells chance of getting full custody. Other then birthdays/xmas, whats your usual visitation arrangements? He also won't be able to take it to court before xmas as I would imagine family courts shut down early.

I know your shy, but stand your ground for your little boy... I would offer them boxing day and thats it. xxx

 

[MummyJade]

He has to go to solicitors and apply for court before it happens and the judge will have to look at the case and if you've been fair (which you have) they wont bother... He would have to do mediation too and its all part of the process towards court, could take months... FOB wanted to take me to court and it was 2/3 months i was waiting and nothing! and if it went to court a judge would say one year you following year him, and take it in turns...

He is just pissed cos you've stood up for yourself...
they want to have the best of everything, xmas/birthdays yet not the other night and general looking after your son...

I know its outta your comfort zone but be strong, dont be a push over...

well done you,

x

 

[judge12]

Thanks everyone! Looks like they are going to take me to court! FOB rang me and said its not up to you what happens. And I said yes it is!! And he went mad saying he's having him Xmas no matter what it takes and hes going for full custody!! It's just so pathetic!!

Sorry but that makes me so angry! what an idiot. Like another poster said he has no chance in hell of getting full custody, so dont let him scare you. Cut him out and ignore him/grandparents.

 

[Laura2919]

Well courts gonna take a while. I am sure they close soon for the Christmas period so it certainly wont be soon.

Stay strong and stand your ground. You shouldnt be forced to do anything you dont want to!