What do you do when your mom calls your baby hers?

[mummyfin]

The circumcision and name issues are nutty, but as for the 'my baby' I have to say MIL has always been a bit like this with my son and it doesn't bother me at all. We're very different people but I really appreciate how much she cares about him, and it's nice that someone else is as obsessed with him as me!

x o x o

 

[youngwife20]

i dont see what the big deal is. i call my daughter OURS. i dont mind if my mum were to ever call her hers. the baby is part of her. i think its so amazing that your mum is already showing how much she cares for you i believe its just part of the excitment hun when you feel your part of someones experiance you can take it on as your own. not intentialy she just is very happy and excited. let it go.

It's nice that you see it in a positive light, and I wish I could, but as my mom has always been extremely controlling and overbearing, I find it a bit threatening. When she called it hers the first few times I let it slide, but she calls it hers EVERY TIME and never calls it mine. My mom has told me she won't call my child by their name if she doesn't like it, she has said she will not babysit my son if he is uncircumcised, and these are all just attempts at her trying to control me. They are empty threats, but she wants to get her way.

I know she is happy and excited. I know she is not intentionally trying to hurt my feelings or make me feel uncomfortable, but truth is, it does. I don't want to tell her to stop because I think she's being bad, I want to ask her to stop because I don't want to have bad feelings towards her.

I guess I just mean to say it's a deeper issue for me than simply "She calls it hers and it is mine wah wah wah".

Hey I can understand now, obvously this deeper issue wasnt made as clear as it is now with this post. gosh that sounds abit extreeme. in that case I would say to her " mum i love you this baby will love you too but you need to understand this baby is something me and my partner created and whate ver discisiion we make about his/her life is upto us and if you cant accept that then im sorry mum but we cant changes our choices to suit you. i hope you dont get upset ( she probably will) but maybe this is what is needed so you dont blow up and say what you regret when enough is enough

 

[LadyLupton]

It sounds like there is a deeper, long-standing issue around boundaries between you and your mum. Things are very much the same was between my mum and I. It's very difficult and I really don't have any hard and fast answers. I have been working for many years to boundary our relationship and it will forever be a work in process. I have accepted my mum will not change and the best I can do is boundary and look after myself and my family (ie husband and now baby).

The way I boundary is by being aware of how she's treating me and how it makes me feel. If I feel she is overstepping a boundary I let her know gently. That always results in a tremendous argument and hanging up of phones and slamming of doors but it needs to be done. The alternative is her walking her all over me.

Example: She feels she should name my baby. That's a boundary violation. I said that naming my child is up to my husband and I. She was extremely angry and there was a lot of screaming from her end. I said I was sorry she felt this way, but in fact it is up to my husband and I. Like yours, she then said that she wouldn't use the name my husband and I give the child but the one she thinks it should have. At this point, I told her that I couldn't stop her, but that really wouldn't help things. Then I left. She then didn't speak to me for a while and complained to my brothers (who both fell down laughing and said she was being nuts).

The point of this very long story is that boundarying and a quiet life don't mix, but it is worth it, if you want to be your own person.

I'm sorry if all this is depressing. I wish I had the sort of mum some of the other ladies are talking about, but the fact is I don't.

Hope this helps in some way x

 

[edigirl82]

Luckily my mum and I have the sort of relationship where a) she would never do that and b) if she did I would just tell her straight there and then, and no offence would be taken. I have a few concerns about the overbearing tendencies of a couple of OH's family members though...hmm we'll see how he deals with those!

 

[HollySSmith]

My MIL does the same, but it only bothers me depending on the context. For instance if she says 'how's my baby?' Referring to my pregnancy, to me, not a big deal. I see it as an endearment. BUT, when my older ds calls for mommy, and MIL responds as though he's asking for her, I find that difficult. She's only done it a handful of times and to be frank, we have enough issues with her interference that I will pick my battles.
My mil also was one who would not let anyone near here children, to the point they both had serious social anxiety as small children. In the end, I am the mother, and what I say goes. As annoying as it is, you have to let some things slide so you can deal with bigger issues, if god forbid you have any lol.

 

[Elisianna]

Thanks everyone.

Having slept on it, I feel better than I did in my little emotional moment yesterday (I swear, I never used to be that emotional!). I actually even had a dream yesterday that I told my mom it bothered me when she said that and she just said "I don't care! Hahaha!"

I think I will say something, but not make it a big deal. I also want to be aware of how she feels about my baby. Her firstborn died at 6 months of a liver disease. I can't really fault her for being excited and feeling connected to her firstborn grandchild. Sometimes she seems to be even more excited than I am.

Thanks to all who defended my mom, too. I feel like she deserves it. Haha. Yes, she can say some crazy things and she can be manipulative, but she is mostly just a half-hearted manipulator. Yes, I'm worried about the drama that will ensue if I'm having a boy, but I know in the end she isn't going to follow through with her threats. She likes to sound much harsher than she really is.

She is really a good person, but she's admitted plenty of times that she is much harder on me than my siblings. (Dad is easiest on me, though, so it balances out). She knows I don't do what she says all the time like my sisters tend to and it can create a lot of friction between us. We would butt heads like crazy when we lived together, though I would usually back down to avoid fights. Now that we live apart our relationship has improved a LOT. I don't want to ruin that by making mountains out of molehills.

 

[New Mrs W]

It doesn't bother me at all - I am thrilled that my little boy (and my bump) have people in their lives (other than mummy and daddy) who love them so much! What a lucky baby you have xx

 

[Taylah]

You should think yourself lucky ! I wish my mum was here to call my baby hers, I lost her three years ago to cancer & every time I go into a baby shop there is always a mummy2be with her mum ( like I was with my first daughter) & it breaks my heart , trust me cherish the time you have with both your parents they are not here forever !

 

[youngwife20]

You should think yourself lucky ! I wish my mum was here to call my baby hers, I lost her three years ago to cancer & every time I go into a baby shop there is always a mummy2be with her mum ( like I was with my first daughter) & it breaks my heart , trust me cherish the time you have with both your parents they are not here forever !

hugs xx

 

[holidaysan]

Half if my family call DS their baby lol. It doesn't bother me, they all adore him. I think it's nice for him to have a family that all love him so much.

If it really does bother you then I'd just say something jokingly like, 'mum, it's really my baby you know lol'.

Sometimes little things do piss me off though but I put that down to being pregnant lol. I hope you feel better xx