What do you say?

[Care76]

How do you respond to those that complain and talk about giving up ttc when they have only been ttc for months? I usually try to ignore it, but lately I want to say "really? You are seriously whining and ready to give up? Don't you realize even a healthy couple can take up to a year to conceive? I have been trying for over a decade and I am not ready to give up." It is really starting to grate on my nerves lately. Some don't even acknowledge those of.us that have been trying from years, its just all about them not getting a bfp after a few months.

I know not all newbies are like this, but the ones that are, do you say anything?

 

[Armywife84]

Didn't want to read and run..

I stay off of the TTC#1 forums because they tend to come unglued in their posts if it's been 3 months and they still don't have a bun in the oven. It annoyed me but I didn't say anything because I felt that forum wasn't the right fit for me. Perhaps if you just stay over on this one. Or maybe let them know your age and how long you've been trying then they'll show some compassion. I certainly haven't been trying for a decade, and I try not to complain about how long it's taking me and my DH.

Just keep in mind we're all after the same goal, and here to give each other support since infertility is such a taboo subject in the real world. Good Luck with your IVF! I sure hope this is it for you.

 

[NavyWife84]

I don't really know what to say to help cheer you up or support you. I just know, that I am one of the newer ltttc ladies (we just hit a year and started fertility testing). I will say though that I look up to you ladies that have been trying for years, and even decades. Your strength, compassion, and help to the ltttc comunity has really helped me a lot. I have learned a lot from you ladies and it really helps me to keep a positive attitude about my ttc journey.

While I can't really give you any advice, I just wanted to let you know that I look up to you and find comfort in talking to you and the other ltttc ladies. (I know this may not help, but thought I would try to make you feel a little better.)

 

[Care76]

Thank you. I do usually enjoy talking to most people here and sometimes I can help which is nice. I don't necessarily mean people at BAB, but in life in general as well. People that know me and my situation still sometimes complain, it gets old. I think I was just feeling extremely down because I felt af coming and even though I know my odds aren't good I still hope every month to have a sticky bean. I think pms is making me extra emotional.

 

[ebony2010]

Like the OP I avoid the TTC forums for that reason. I find I come away angry every time at some of the moaning or the silly advice. I think when you get to the LTTTC point its much safer to stay on here and on journals. I'm sure I was that naive (like some of the short term TTCers) at some point but I've always realised since joining BnB that there is always someone who has been trying longer or been through alot more and I find that quite sad but humbling. xxx

 

[lizzywiz]

When people new to ttc get all dramatic that it didn’t happen on the first try I try to remember that 5 years ago I was just as heart broken when AF arrived as I am today. The “What if it never happens” feeling is devastating no matter how long you have been trying.

That being said, I don’t usually say anything in response. I’m nice but not so nice that I can cheer up a possible fertile myrtle because she is having an off month!

Care76, I know exactly what you mean about knowing it is AF but still hoping it is a BFP. 5 years, every month, I still believe.

I don’t mind the TTC forums but I can’t stand TWW forums- I lurk occasionally but have to back away quickly lest I post something I would regret. I have been certain hundreds of times that I had pregnancy symptoms during the TWW (the downside to boundless optimism), only to be completely undone when AF arrived and I want to scream at the TWW-ers that there is no point in symptom spotting and that they will eventually hate trying to guess if this month’s breast tenderness feels slightly different from last month’s and that there will come a time when they definitely won’t want to chat about it…but I don’t say anything.

Either they will get pregnant relatively soon or I will eventually end up seeing them in LTTTC forums. Then we can ‘talk’.

 

[readyformore]

I don't necessarily mean people at BAB, but in life in general as well. People that know me and my situation still sometimes complain, it gets old .

One of my closest friends confided in me that she is ttc. She then proceeded to tell me that "It never happens fast or right away for me. It always takes me 4 months to get pregnant." This was about 5 minutes after I told her about my RE appointment and infertility med purchases.

I have no advice for you, because if I could have, I would have put my hand through the phone just to smack her! So, maybe I'm just not the best role-model, lol.

 

[wifeyw]

Hi care76, We have been TTC from 2005 and Although we have not been trying for as long as you I feel your frustration.. We are going through the IVF route now though I always knew i would have problems conceiving because of PCOS and not ovulating but my partner has obstructive-azoospermia ( basically no sperm in his semen caused by a blockage).

If there's something i've realized is that no-one will understand as much as you sit down and explain something in detail they never realized or know what we are going through unless they have been it themselves.. sometimes it's just a waste of breath and i just keep quiet now cause there is no point in explaining. But i do get so frustrated and annoyed at people sometimes that frustration slips out now and then and its ok, it's all part of the infertility emotions drives you crazy.

I just read your signature.. so sorry about the adoption. I hope everything works out. Do you go to a FS? Is IUI or IVF an option for you? can i ask how you find accupunture for infertility and where they put the needles for that cause i know they have certain areas for certain reasons to why you want it done, i was going to try it but the thought of tiny needles everywhere you expect it to be painful in some way especially when you see them in peoples ears OMG i don't have a fear of them it's just the thought but i've been told that after the need first goes in it gives a calm relaxing feeling x

 

[Care76]

Hi care76, We have been TTC from 2005 and Although we have not been trying for as long as you I feel your frustration.. We are going through the IVF route now though I always knew i would have problems conceiving because of PCOS and not ovulating but my partner has obstructive-azoospermia ( basically no sperm in his semen caused by a blockage).

If there's something i've realized is that no-one will understand as much as you sit down and explain something in detail they never realized or know what we are going through unless they have been it themselves.. sometimes it's just a waste of breath and i just keep quiet now cause there is no point in explaining. But i do get so frustrated and annoyed at people sometimes that frustration slips out now and then and its ok, it's all part of the infertility emotions drives you crazy.

I just read your signature.. so sorry about the adoption. I hope everything works out. Do you go to a FS? Is IUI or IVF an option for you? can i ask how you find accupunture for infertility and where they put the needles for that cause i know they have certain areas for certain reasons to why you want it done, i was going to try it but the thought of tiny needles everywhere you expect it to be painful in some way especially when you see them in peoples ears OMG i don't have a fear of them it's just the thought but i've been told that after the need first goes in it gives a calm relaxing feeling x

Not having the boys is the hardest part of all of this. I have lost a lot of people in my life and nothing tore my heart out like loosing them. I don't wish it on anybody.

We were told to try ivf about 8 years ago. I was going to a FS at the time and did fertility drugs for over a year. I just hated the way I felt on them and I am a pretty natural person so we decided to adopt instead. I just can't put my heart through anything like that again so right now I just can't go that route.We are going to Mexico for ivf and stem cell therapy in the winter. I have a really good feeling, although I am hoping we get pregnant naturally before we go.

For me acupuncture really helped my cycles even out. Right now I have great hormone levels and I used to ovulate early (day 9 or so) and I had too much of a peak right away, plus not much room for BDing since af lasted about a week. Now I O around cd14 and my cycles are around 28 days (or they were until I had a chemical and now they have been 29 days and 27). Acupuncture regulated me pretty fast. Within a month I think.

The needles really don't hurt. You feel a prick but then you kind of forget they are there. My acupuncturist usually puts them in some different places each visit. I always get them in the main places like my wrists, knees, ankles, head, but then she switches it up. I have had them in my ears and it really doesn't hurt at all. The worst is my ankles because I get so relaxed I forget they are there and my legs relax and drop a bit and I sometimes dig the needles in (which doesn't hurt bad or for long). So now I make sure I try to keep myself relaxed before and I try to keep still. I really believe it helps.

 

[Armywife84]

Thanks for the acupuncture info. I've been contemplating that for husband or myself. I wonder if it would do anything for a male's fertility.

 

[Whitbit22]

This is a topic that still bothers me.. and I stay out of ttc section most of the time, but there are other places to hear whines! I am always hanging around here still, even since I found out we were expecting but I try not to post on peoples' threads because I know how painful it can sometimes be to have to see a post from someone pregnant in here. Part of me is afraid this won't work out, and part of me is still a bitter old infertile (yes, I admit I was very bitter especially after losing our angel last year). Like someone else said there will always be someone who has been trying longer and while there is a respect there, I also feel a deep sadness, and then regret for how bad I think we have it.

Such a complicated thing.. Just wanted to give you anyway and I am very sorry about the adoption. Felt this might be a good place to explain my feelings to you girls.. even though I had been away for a few months and just recently came back so some of you may not know me, but I have a connection with LTTTC boards and I really want to offer comforting words but I just don't want to offend or violate anyone. In this case, Care I hope you get your bfp naturally before you head on to IVF! Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Just know that my thoughts are always with you guys sending out positive vibes.

 

[minties]

I always felt annoyed at people moaning after not getting pregnant after a month or two (it took me 8 years). But now I feel people getting annoyed at ME because how dare I actually manage it, get a son and then want more kids still!

I'm so worried that it will take another 8 years of TTC to have another, and feel I get judged that I should just be grateful for my son and stop whining(which I am, my god do I just love him until my heart could break!).

I just know I likely wont ever have another baby and that makes me miserable.

 

[Lisa2701]

I must admit that perhaps at the beginning I was a little insensitive and looking back on it I feel really bad/guilty for being disappointed after only 3 cycles or however long it was for me. I think some people(myself included in the beginning) get so wrapped up in their excitement with TTC that they forget there are those out there who are struggling. Especially if like me they have been WTT for years.

i know even now I have not been TTC for very long, in comparison to those who have been TTC for years and I try to be sensitive to that fact. Coming over and joining the LTTC forum has been a real eye opener for me. I never came in here before cause I felt it was wrong. Even at 18 month ttc I didn't feel I belonged here when I seen how many of you ladies had been ttc for so much longer, but didn't feel I fitted in at ttc either...

Personally I don't say anything on this forum, mainly because I don't blame them for being excited and i think some people just get caught up in it all really quickly and forget that on the scale of things 3 months or whatever is nothing.

My best friend knows that I am TTC, the problems we are having and lengths we are going to right now , well she started TTC (had implanon removed) 2 WEEKS ago, and yesterday she said to me.... "i took a pregnancy test this morning...just in case.... I'm not, obviously, but was kinda disappointed".. I just smiled casually and said "well unless your one of the lucky ones chick, get used it, thats how i've felt for the last 20 months" and walked off. Felt kinda bad afterwards coz she clearly got the message and changed the subject quickly but in the same sense she has been a little insensitive on more than one occasion and i'm sick of it. One time, mid conversation while I was tlaking she goes " OMG GUESS WHAT.... i'm gonna have a baby" she hadn't even come off contraception by that point .

Sorry got a bit side tracked here but usually I try to say nothing, I understand that times are exciting and especially in the beginning people don't understand what its like to see people pass you by every month. I equally know and now appreciate that on the scale of things I haven't been TTC that awful long, and I have total respect and admiration for those of you who have been TTC year after year and are still here hoping and trying. You's women truly are an inspiration

 

[readyformore]

But now I feel people getting annoyed at ME because how dare I actually manage it, get a son and then want more kids still!.

 

[Feisty Fidget]

I just wanted to give big to everyone. Although we have only been trying for 18 months I too am guilty of getting quite annoyed with the ones that have been trying for five minutes and are upset they aren't pregnant.

I hate to admit it but TTC has turned me into such a bitter person. I avoid the ttc forum like the plague and although I am embarrassed to admit it I have even stopped going in the ttc after a loss forum as part of me feels like it is pointless trying to get to know the posters as unlike me they will fall pregnant quickly after their loss I cannot stand to be around pregnant ladies and ill behaved children are now really starting to bug me (It annoys me that their parents have this beautiful gift of a child and they can't be bothered to teach them manners or basic behavioural skills).

Much xxxx to you all

 

[Lisa2701]

I just wanted to give big to everyone. Although we have only been trying for 18 months I too am guilty of getting quite annoyed with the ones that have been trying for five minutes and are upset they aren't pregnant.

I hate to admit it but TTC has turned me into such a bitter person. I avoid the ttc forum like the plague and although I am embarrassed to admit it I have even stopped going in the ttc after a loss forum as part of me feels like it is pointless trying to get to know the posters as unlike me they will fall pregnant quickly after their loss I cannot stand to be around pregnant ladies and ill behaved children are now really starting to bug me (It annoys me that their parents have this beautiful gift of a child and they can't be bothered to teach them manners or basic behavioural skills).

Much xxxx to you all

Try not to judge ill behaved children too harsh honey (or their parents). There may be a hidden reason for their behaviour. My son who is almost seven has classic autism, sensory hypersensitivity and hyperacusis and all these things are hidden disabilities and can make him behave in a way that outsiders may perceive as ill behaved or naughty, he is of course neither... but in situations where he may be acting out he is in fact struggling to cope. Having a child with autism has really opened my eyes to the fact that there may be things going on that we are unaware of as we sit and judge people, I try not to do it these days and just like to make others aware of such things, hope you don't mind me saying.

I totally understand about pregnant women

 

[readyformore]

I just wanted to give big to everyone. Although we have only been trying for 18 months I too am guilty of getting quite annoyed with the ones that have been trying for five minutes and are upset they aren't pregnant.

I hate to admit it but TTC has turned me into such a bitter person. I avoid the ttc forum like the plague and although I am embarrassed to admit it I have even stopped going in the ttc after a loss forum as part of me feels like it is pointless trying to get to know the posters as unlike me they will fall pregnant quickly after their loss I cannot stand to be around pregnant ladies and ill behaved children are now really starting to bug me (It annoys me that their parents have this beautiful gift of a child and they can't be bothered to teach them manners or basic behavioural skills).

Much xxxx to you all

Try not to judge ill behaved children too harsh honey (or their parents). There may be a hidden reason for their behaviour. My son who is almost seven has classic autism, sensory hypersensitivity and hyperacusis and all these things are hidden disabilities and can make him behave in a way that outsiders may perceive as ill behaved or naughty, he is of course neither... but in situations where he may be acting out he is in fact struggling to cope. Having a child with autism has really opened my eyes to the fact that there may be things going on that we are unaware of as we sit and judge people, I try not to do it these days and just like to make others aware of such things, hope you don't mind me saying.

I totally understand about pregnant women

My kids are developmentally normal and sometimes they act like monsters! It's not to say that I didn't work really hard for them, but it is beyond difficult to control another human being, lol. Unfortunately ltttc doesn't produce better children or parents, you still have the same struggles as everyone else.

Pregnant women that I don't know don't bother me so much. It's those that I'm closest too that I have issues with. If a friend announces a pregnancy/birth, that puts me into a tail spin.

 

[Lisa2701]

I just wanted to give big to everyone. Although we have only been trying for 18 months I too am guilty of getting quite annoyed with the ones that have been trying for five minutes and are upset they aren't pregnant.

I hate to admit it but TTC has turned me into such a bitter person. I avoid the ttc forum like the plague and although I am embarrassed to admit it I have even stopped going in the ttc after a loss forum as part of me feels like it is pointless trying to get to know the posters as unlike me they will fall pregnant quickly after their loss I cannot stand to be around pregnant ladies and ill behaved children are now really starting to bug me (It annoys me that their parents have this beautiful gift of a child and they can't be bothered to teach them manners or basic behavioural skills).

Much xxxx to you all

Try not to judge ill behaved children too harsh honey (or their parents). There may be a hidden reason for their behaviour. My son who is almost seven has classic autism, sensory hypersensitivity and hyperacusis and all these things are hidden disabilities and can make him behave in a way that outsiders may perceive as ill behaved or naughty, he is of course neither... but in situations where he may be acting out he is in fact struggling to cope. Having a child with autism has really opened my eyes to the fact that there may be things going on that we are unaware of as we sit and judge people, I try not to do it these days and just like to make others aware of such things, hope you don't mind me saying.

I totally understand about pregnant women

My kids are developmentally normal and sometimes they act like monsters! It's not to say that I didn't work really hard for them, but it is beyond difficult to control another human being, lol. Unfortunately ltttc doesn't produce better children or parents, you still have the same struggles as everyone else.

Pregnant women that I don't know don't bother me so much. It's those that I'm closest too that I have issues with. If a friend announces a pregnancy/birth, that puts me into a tail spin.

I totally hear you hun, ALL kids are going to misbehave at times.

 

[Feisty Fidget]

Oh gosh I don't mean normal misbehaviour, I am from a huge family and I know that children acting up occasionally is completely normal. I also have two cousins that suffer with aspergers but you can tell the difference between a child that has behavioural problems (or are just acting out) and those that are not taught right from wrong by the way in which the parents deal with it.

I know that LTTC is not going to make me an amazing parent but I do hope that my children will benefit from never being taken for granted or made to feel unwanted like so many children unfortunately are.

I don't mind people trying to 'educate' me at all xxx

 

[Lisa2701]

Oh gosh I don't mean normal misbehaviour, I am from a huge family and I know that children acting up occasionally is completely normal. I also have two cousins that suffer with aspergers but you can tell the difference between a child that has behavioural problems (or are just acting out) and those that are not taught right from wrong by the way in which the parents deal with it.

I know that LTTC is not going to make me an amazing parent but I do hope that my children will benefit from never being taken for granted or made to feel unwanted like so many children unfortunately are.

I don't mind people trying to 'educate' me at all xxx

It always amazes me how many people are touched with aspergers/autism. Its not something I knew much about before my son was diagnosed and I didn't know anyone with it, but since my son's diagnosis i came to realise HOW common place it is, and yet so many people know nothing about it.... Anywhooooo.....

I hear what you are saying....It the parents who swear/scream at their kids that REALLY get my blood boiling.... there is a mother at my son's school who does it, in fact there is a few but there is one in particular who's bad for it and she's got about 4 kids ranging from a baby to a 6/7 year old... why is it people like that can be super fertile and us ladies who really care are sat here struggling....

i am sure you'll make a great mother... none of us are going be perfect, you can only be the best mother 'you' can be for your kids.

Good luck honey