What do you think of this?

[TwilightAgain]

So today I went for an interview for my placement for my Social Work masters. And it was a pretty tense interview to say the least. A lot was debated.

We clashed over personal values being the same as company values. I agree yes and no, he just said yes. But what stood out to me was this...

He said that a past student once questioned a mother's decision to return to her partner who was absolutely useless (no help, stressed, big baby etc) she herself was suffering from PND. Apparently this student said "are you sure that's a wise decision?"

And she had been completely chastised for it.

I argue that if I must abide by these rules and remain objective then arguably i'm going against my own values. I believe if someone is doing something which may create them harm (whether psychological or physical) then i'd be doing more by talking it through with them, rather than just accepting it.

No one likes being judged or undermined, but at the same time, i'd rather that someone gave me an honest opinion than just tell me I was doing the right thing when i'm not. I might not necessarily listen, but at least the opportunity to have an external perspective is there and i'd probably feel like I could trust that person's opinion more. Bit like on here, I see a lot of posts that receive encouragement even though I believe the OP is wrong in their actions, whereas if I post something and say am I overreacting, i'd rather people were honest and tell me I am, if I am if you know what I mean.

What are your views on this? Do you think it's ok to just let people get on with what they want or would your own personal values make this difficult?

 

[Raven24]

i think its ok to say whatever you decide there is help etc available if and when you need it, but pushing your own views and questioning a persons decision i think is wrong.
for example me son was referred for speech therapy by his nursery teacher, she felt he had issues understanding things and interacting with other children, so we went ahead with it and visited the hv first and they spent an hour getting him to do various activities to test him and basically he did them all, we went to the actual speech therapist and she did the same thing as hv and me and my husband decided that we dont see the need for him to be going to see a speech therapist at all and we told this to his teacher and she agreed we would see how he is in reception in sept. so a few days later i get a call from the hv and this teacher has talked to them when they visited the school and obviously told the hv to try and bully us into doping speech therapy.
i think when a person says ive made this decision then no one has a right to question that really and it should be respected which eventually the hv did and she said if i need her then they are there.
sorry its so long just trying to give an example.

 

[TwilightAgain]

i think its ok to say whatever you decide there is help etc available if and when you need it, but pushing your own views and questioning a persons decision i think is wrong.
for example me son was referred for speech therapy by his nursery teacher, she felt he had issues understanding things and interacting with other children, so we went ahead with it and visited the hv first and they spent an hour getting him to do various activities to test him and basically he did them all, we went to the actual speech therapist and she did the same thing as hv and me and my husband decided that we dont see the need for him to be going to see a speech therapist at all and we told this to his teacher and she agreed we would see how he is in reception in sept. so a few days later i get a call from the hv and this teacher has talked to them when they visited the school and obviously told the hv to try and bully us into doping speech therapy.
i think when a person says ive made this decision then no one has a right to question that really and it should be respected which eventually the hv did and she said if i need her then they are there.
sorry its so long just trying to give an example.

Just to clarify, I don't mean like forcibly pushing your views (because no one is ever fully right but maybe discussing it with them to make sure they're fully happy/aware of the consequences)... but sometimes a decision really is wrong (e.g. violent partner) how on earth do you just let that slide?

Definitely agree with what you're saying, it's a good point to make that help is there if and when required etc

 

[Button#]

I assume you're going for child protection in which case I think you have to let things go unsaid unless it's going to directly harm the child. My OH knows a lot about the job so I could ask him his view.

Mine is that people are going to be in crappy relationships whatever other people say and it's important for a social worker not to alienate the mothers trust by questioning returning to a partner who although not a good partner may well be an ok parent or who doesn't actually pose any harm to the child. If things were to progress to abuse in that relationship (and it's not always clear that they will or won't) then the mother will already be defensive against anyone who she knows to condemn the relationship.

 

[Bittersweet]

Because sometimes as a social worker you have to. Your own values are important, but they can't interfere with practice. You have to weigh up different options, and consider what, if any, good speaking your views will do to that mother. Yes be in touch and aware if your own views but these can't be portrayed into your practice as it's about the clients views and wishes and we have to respect those.

If there were child or adult protection concerns there are measures that can be put in place but yeah it's never easy to bite your tongue but in this profession you often need to,

 

[TwilightAgain]

I completely get it from a social work perspective - though surely I am there to prevent someone from harm? (Depending on how you personally interpret harm of course). I understand it all depends on agencies guidelines etc.

But I mean you personally, not as a social worker.

Just to say though, my own stance is that i'm very much into people making their own decisions though alternative perspectives shouldn't necessarily be rebuked from the off . But at the same time, you could argue that if there were ever a role to be brutally honest, this was it. I don't think either argument is wrong personally, though if approaching from a professional perspective you are technically confined to working within those parameters. I know nothing is ever black and white and who is to say my opinion is right. But sometimes it is evidently clear that certain paths will achieve nothing but more distress. Eg like going back to an abusive partner.

I don't think i've explained myself very well in this thread but i'm very much about anti-oppressive practice, but it's hard to maintain that whilst trying to bear in mind the welfare of the person in question.

Just interested really. I definitely think you've all made good points

 

[TwilightAgain]

I should also say by the way that this particular organisation have an approach whereby if a woman decides to go back to her abusive partner, her situation will be reassessed and she may not qualify for the art classes anymore (which exist to help vulnerable individuals become integrated with their community). So I get the impression therefore that i'm not allowed to say I think she may be making the wrong decision, but if she makes that decision then they'll boot her out the door (more or less) and as result she returns back to her former self and the cycle starts again. I'm really struggling to see how the actions of myself therefore would really benefit her ? I do agree with a lot of points made, but i'm still in a place of conflict. Especially in the example just given.

 

[Wriggley]

I think professionally yes sometimes you do have to keep your mouth shut

But personally I am a brutally honest person and I expect people to be the same with me it really frustrated me when I know someone is saying one thing to me when really there opinion is the opposite. That really bugs me in don't understand why people say what they think you wanna hear rather then there own opinion.

Before we moved into our current house a couple of years ago we lived with the mil. She used to tell me I would be useless at giving advise etc because according to her I lacked empathy. Well I'm obviously doing something right because I am the one everyone comes to for advise. Even advise to OHs side of the family who have asked me to not tell our mil because she is interfering rather then a help. And they come to me I never really ask what's going on even if I can clearly see something is going on but when they do ask I help and I will be completely honest with them

Everyone around us knows in stay out of people's business but I will always help when asked and I do seem to be the person everyone comes to with their problems and I asked a certain person who has recently come to me for advise why she comes to me and she said it's because I'm brutally honest and that I don't sugarcoat anything lol which I don't

So I can understand your frustration in biting your lip tbh I wouldn't be able to which is why I could never do a job like that because I naturally speak my mind. This is part of the reason I don't really pay attention to things going on around me because I have a tendancey to blurt things out so I do try to ignore what's going on and just be there for when people do need advise.

My friend once sent me a quote and told me it sums me up in one sentence 'I don't think before I speak I like to be just as surprised by what comes out my mouth as everyone else' it's 100% true

 

[MrsPear]

Professionally I think you have to keep your mouth shut even though you have your own values inside your head. It's the same in nursing, people make all sorts of decisions you think are crazy, but you have to 100% respect their decision because they have capacity and the minute you show your judgement the relationship will break down and there will be no more communication between you. In the situation you describe, the woman may not have been ready to take definitive action to change her life, and with a social-worker by her side waiting with her until she was ready she might be able to make the necessary change at some point. With no one 'on her side' understanding why she is making the decisions she is making whatever they might be (and if they question her like that how can she believe they are on her side or understand her life) then she is less likely to ever break free.