What do you think?

[DreaminOfBaby]

I'm not a single mom yet but if I get a little sticky bean I will be. I'm only about 4 weeks along now. My whole things is that me and FOB aren't even together, we sure didn't plan on getting pregnant, he's told me MORE than once that he DOES NOT want kids. I'm moving 2000 miles away on top of that.

I was going to tell him before I moved. Then I changed my mind and was going to tell him AFTER I moved and now I found out that he's been STEALING from us so now I just want to move and never have anything to do with him! A friend keeps telling me "You can't NOT tell him! What about when the kid asks later on about their father?"

I just feel like such crap, just thinking about it makes me want to cry. My mother is the one who told me he stole some stuff from us, it just makes me so upset. We've been giving him all kinds of stuff too! And he just keeps coming over acting like everything is cool. I believe it but at the same time it's just SO hard to believe, he just does NOT seem like he'd do that. But we know it's him. We can't do anything about it, we can't get our stuff back so my mom's just letting it go and pretending like everything is fine but before we leave she wants to let him know that we know he stole from us. He made HER cry which makes me feel worse.

He just seemed so different, I thought I finally found a guy who was actually nice. I guess I should have known better when he came on strong in the beginning but he seemed so sincere. I just have the most rottenest luck with men so I should have known better there! So know I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be unfair to the baby but I don't want anything to do with him and I sure in the hell don't want him having to do anything with the baby, who knows he might steal that next from me! So do I move away and never speak to him again or do I tell him? I really don't care about being fair to HIM anymore because stealing from us sure in the hell wasn't fair to us, I'm just trying to think about what's going to be best for my child.

 

[Janidog]

I think you should tell him, but you moving away so you won't have to worry about him being part of your LO life and he can't stop you from moving

 

[Linz88]

definetly tell him.. how would you feel if it was the other way round.. believe it or not children do need there fathers.. jus as much as there mothers..
your child will want to no who his/her father is one day.. not tellin him would be ruining 2 peoples lifes.. my mom kept me a way from my father & i resent her in someways because ive always felt like theres something missing and even though i no him now.. we wil neva have a bond..

and i believe in innocent until proven guilty.. how do you no your moms not just sayin it because she doesnt like him.. or how do you no the items havent jus been misplaced

 

[littlekitten8]

I would tell him hun. He has a right to know that he is going to be a father. To make the decision whether he wants to be supportive or not. He cannot stop you from moving so I would imagine he probably won't want anything to do with the baby but you still have to give him the respect to tell him. After all biologically it is half his.

 

[DreaminOfBaby]

Well I guess part of me is just majorly worried that he'll take my baby away. Even though he's said he doesn't want kids I guess it's just a fear. It's also because my friends sister's ex boyfriend put a restraining order on her so she couldn't leave the state so I was scared that even though he probably won't want anything to do with LO that his family might talk him into doing something like that. In response to how do I know it was him and how do I know it wasn't miss placed. First, I have a good close relationship with my mother, I know she doesn't just do things out of spite like some people and before she found out he stole from us she liked him. The only people who knew where the jewelry was, was her, him and me. Plus b/c we're moving and packing it was in a packed tote that had been taped shut. He came over to get some stuff out of the garage we were giving him and after he left my mom went out to the garage, noticed the tape on the tote was all messed up and looked inside and the jewelry was gone. Plus he stole a ring that was INSIDE the house too. He's the only one who could have taken it, so unfortunately I know he did it.

Thanks for your replies. I guess I'll do my original plan and just tell him right before we leave so there's really nothing he can do. I already know my new address I can give it to him to stay in contact if he wants, he has my cell number. I think that's good enough from me. After stealing our jewelry I frankly don't think the ******* deserves for me to be so nice to him or that he DESERVES anything. I'm only doing it for our future baby. I could care less about him anymore, he makes me so upset

 

[Linz88]

ohh lol.. i just realised you already live in america.. i jus assumed this was a uk site because most people from uk use this site.. its not that bad then.. just tel him before you leave.. i did watch something on judge judy before were the women did get a bit of headache for moving out of the state she had the child.. he cant get custody unless you prove your an unfit mother.
and ye it does sound like it was hit.. its a shame

 

[lilmama]

Hey girly,
I understand how yu feel! I do think you should tell him though, he may not even want to be apart of the babies life. Either way when your child is an adult you can tell she/he the story. I plan on doing so. In the begining of my pregnancy the father whom I call sperm donor was telling me to get abortion, and that he would try to get custody of baby I think he was just tryna scare me but I was scared for awhile but im 7 months haven't heard from him since I was 5 months even had pregnancy problems told him about them on myspace & he didn't even reply! So forget him lol I deleted him and don't plan on making any furthur contact with him, if he wants to know if his baby is born he oughta find me on myspace or ask around. He's a jerk & I can't stand him so I do understand that part of things. But I think that's good just tell him b4 yu move, he has yur number.

Good luck

 

[DreaminOfBaby]

LOL yeah I hadn't noticed when I signed up that most of you are in the UK! I actually came here b/c my friend who also lives here in the US found this place first. I thought it was a little odd that everyone's prof. said UK and are talking about food I've never heard of! But pregnancy is pregnancy no matter where you are.

Thanks lilmama, you really do seem to know how I feel! Your baby daddy sounds like a jerk too. Men, "sperm donating" seems like it's all they're good for! I'm just gonna tell his stupid self before I leave and selfishly hope he doesn't want anything to do with us. I know it's selfish but I wouldn't have had this issue if he hadn't been stealing from us. I think I am DONE with men for a while, at least I'm gonna have a baby to keep me occupied and keep my mind off things and I probably won't even think about being single.

 

[WanderingStar]

Well I guess part of me is just majorly worried that he'll take my baby away. Even though he's said he doesn't want kids I guess it's just a fear. It's also because my friends sister's ex boyfriend put a restraining order on her so she couldn't leave the state so I was scared that even though he probably won't want anything to do with LO that his family might talk him into doing something like that. In response to how do I know it was him and how do I know it wasn't miss placed. First, I have a good close relationship with my mother, I know she doesn't just do things out of spite like some people and before she found out he stole from us she liked him. The only people who knew where the jewelry was, was her, him and me. Plus b/c we're moving and packing it was in a packed tote that had been taped shut. He came over to get some stuff out of the garage we were giving him and after he left my mom went out to the garage, noticed the tape on the tote was all messed up and looked inside and the jewelry was gone. Plus he stole a ring that was INSIDE the house too. He's the only one who could have taken it, so unfortunately I know he did it.

Thanks for your replies. I guess I'll do my original plan and just tell him right before we leave so there's really nothing he can do. I already know my new address I can give it to him to stay in contact if he wants, he has my cell number. I think that's good enough from me. After stealing our jewelry I frankly don't think the ******* deserves for me to be so nice to him or that he DESERVES anything. I'm only doing it for our future baby. I could care less about him anymore, he makes me so upset

No.. don't tell him! I'm scared he'll attack you and try to make you miscarry. We don't know what he's really like and I think it's pretty messed up that everyone is trying to tell you that it's not 'fair' if you don't tell him.

What's not fair is he LIED to you, STOLE from you and he deserves NOTHING from you. He's scum and an asshole and you women need to stop trying to be so 'oh but it's the father's right' and 'oh the baby needs a daddy too'..

really, what about lesbian couples, what about women who don't have a partner and go for artificial insemination?

You REALLY think that baby needs a scumbag for a dad who is going to hurt MY friend and my friends baby?

 

[jul14o]

I think I agree with most of the ladies posts here. Year's down the line, for your child's sake you may wish you had told him and might even have to try and track him. I think if you inform him, you're putting the ball in his court, so if he decides to stay away, at least you've done your bit.. and 'good riddance' type thing. Perhaps for now it may be worth while considering if you actually need to give him your address though. Just for safety sake and also if he is really serious he will try and do his best to make up for it(unlikely but you never know). Out of interest have you mentioned to him your suspicions regarding the missing stuff? He should know how he's hurt your family!

 

[DreaminOfBaby]

No I didn't tell him about the missing stuff in any way but I really think he knows because he had left for like an hour or so and came back and he could tell something was wrong. He asked if something was wrong with my mom first and then me. I'm not saying anything until like RIGHT before we leave so he can't do anything.

I was actually thinking about writing him a letter and just handing it to him as we left so that by the time he reads it we'll be on the road. & in the letter I AM going to let him know that we know he stole our stuff and basically just put things in his hands there, he can choose to call me or not. I'm hoping for not.

I also am sure he knows because he left that night and hasn't been back since. It's been 5 days now.

 

[jul14o]

Hun sorry you're going through such a tough time. I hope it all works out. Just remember to think everything through each time you want to make a decision. And do whats in the best interests for you and the baby! Its good you've decided to let him know, he needs to know that you know. If only for the fact that maybe, somewhere underneath all that he's done he may one day have a concience! Do keep safe though! Dont let it stress you, keep happy for baby!