What if i Never have the joy of a BFP ever again.....

[jacky24]

Been thinking the past few days... WHAT IF I NEVER HAVE THE JOY OF A BFP EVER AGAIN???????????

I know it is stupid to be thinking these things even though they could not find anything wrong with me but my weight, that was causing my hormones to be all over the place....

But i mean what if i have been placing all my HOPE and FOCUS on it could only be my WEIGHT and in the end it is not.....

Will all my hard work in losing this 41.8pounds and eating healthy and punishing myself some nights with excercise be all for NOTHING......

 

[Dancingkaty1]

hi im so sorry to hear bout ur loss....i cant imagine how tough that must of been 4 u. Well done 4 losing the weight tho....have heard so many success stories when you lose weight so fingers are crossed 4 u! I too sometimes wonder this, will i ever be preg again, it only took me 6 mths last time to conceive, but unfortunately we are now on mth 13 ttc xx

 

[rachelle1975]

You have to have hope hun - you will get there

It's awful we have to jump through all these hoops to get there - the girls who have to lose weight, take pills, have IVF, IUI... everyone is looking for the perfect answer so that they can move on to 1st tri. Slowly but surely the LTTTC is trickling into 1st try and beyond... we will all get there

 

[Kiki09]

Stay strong, its hard, i know, I have those same scary thoughts too, what if, will I ever... but then I think, why not, we did it once, why not again...

keep positive, you have done so well,

 

[readyforbaby]

I am so sorry for the loss you experienced, I cannot imagine. We must remain positive that things will in fact be better though. I have had you in my thoughts and hoping for something wonderful soon...

 

[subaru555]

Hi Jacky,

It's really great to be positive and try really hard. But..you do have to consider the possibility that you might not. You have a great life, husband, new house, pup, and will have lost loads of weight at the end of it so you will have something to show for it - a healthier you!

Although this is something you really really want and would give anything to have, it might or might not happen - you still have a wonderful life in the meantime and need to focus on enjoying your life and having fun as you may do this for 10 years and think about all the time lost when you could have been enjoying you life, experiencing new things and going new places.

I hope you understand what I mean -
I've been trying for nearly 6 years with absolutely nothing wrong with me to correct and I seen a psychologist last night who told me these exact things I'm saying to you.

Basically it can happen, but it might not and you need to prepare yourself for either outcome.

best wishes xx

 

[jacky24]

Thank Subaru555, I know what you mean, it is very hard to hear those words.... But i know you are so right too..... I would never know, atleast i am 25 years old.. 26 next month and i have everything going on for me right now... a few ups and downs but i am generally happy and blessed.....

For me it is really more about I believe in my heart i will have a baby again.... I don't know how, if i would carry him/her, surogacy, IVF,IUI.... But i believe it will be soon and by surprise and I will have my baby.....

Because i have been losing weight i havn't had any tests done since FEB and i am going to go see someone in Jan..... But my biggest fear is what if I could never give my OH or my heart what it so badly longs for.....

 

[bek74]

Awww Jacky, I am sorry hun. That is amazing and wonderful news about your weight loss. That is just fantastic.
Hun it will happen, the fact that your young is a positive, the fact you have lost all this weight and are eating well, it all helps towards your BFP.

 

[BigFoot1980]

 

[subaru555]

Thank Subaru555, I know what you mean, it is very hard to hear those words.... But i know you are so right too..... I would never know, atleast i am 25 years old.. 26 next month and i have everything going on for me right now... a few ups and downs but i am generally happy and blessed.....

For me it is really more about I believe in my heart i will have a baby again.... I don't know how, if i would carry him/her, surogacy, IVF,IUI.... But i believe it will be soon and by surprise and I will have my baby.....

Because i have been losing weight i havn't had any tests done since FEB and i am going to go see someone in Jan..... But my biggest fear is what if I could never give my OH or my heart what it so badly longs for.....

I'm scheduled for jan too. I'm not trying to dis-hearten you, I'm just saying that although you (and I) both know that this is what our Oh's want, there IS a possibility that you will need to re-alter your current frame of mind to suit that "what if" possibility.

I try so hard, just like you, and I punish myself continuously mentally for not ebing able to present my OH with that longed for BFP.

But all in all, reality check here, our OH's love us to bits and they love us whether or not we can become pregnant (again) or not. He won't leave you and most certainly won't resent you if it takes longer or if it never happens.

You and I need to create those memories that we are losing out on now because we are currently focusing on things elsewhere that are causing our relationships to suffer.

There's arguing, dis-agreements, crying, baby sex, fun sex (rarely), loving sex, and passionate dating, evenins etc which are currently non-existant...for something that isn't going to ever happen without savouring the relationship that is hopefully going to present you with the outcome that you are praying for.

Hope this helps.

I have had a bottle of wine so I don't know if this makes sense....I went on a typing marathon without stopping to read what I've typed, it was pure emotion from within me and my true thoughts.

PM me if you need to chat.

much love x

 

[Chris77]

Oh Jacky Although I haven't experienced a loss nor have I been TTC as long as you have, I do know how you feel. After 14 months, all the "what-ifs" constantly play in my mind. I have even thought of adopting (as in right now) because my longing to be a mother outweighs any need or want for genetic continuity. Subaru is right and it's exactly what I've been trying to tell myself. I'll be 32 years old in a couple of months, so my age weighs heavily on my mind as well. DH is almost 36 years old and he talks all the time about how he doesn't want to be an "old father" and it really hurts that I'm not able to give us a child. There are times when I feel like an utter failure, as a woman, because I can not conceive a child. BUT, I do believe that our love and our marriage bond has grown stronger because of what we are going through. And in the end, I still have a great life and a wonderful, wonderful husband. I read a quote somewhere that said, "We must be willing to let go of the life we want so as to have the life we were meant to." I think of that quote often.

In the meantime, until that much longed for comes along, I am trying my hardest to just focus on the here and now. I'm enjoying my alone time with DH knowing that when comes along, those precious moments will be severely decreased. I'm also focusing on the trips that DH and I have planned within the next year, etc. It's a bit easier to think of life in terms other than TTC. It can seem more fulfilling and not as depressing that way.

Jacky, I don't know if my words are helping you but I wanted you to know that you are most certainly not alone.

 

[Chris77]

Oops double post.