What is wrong with me??

[Tracy76]

I left my ex just after I found out I was pregnant. He was exceptionally abusive in every way and I KNOW it was the right thing to do. Yet somewhere deep down, I still love this man. Stupid hey? Anyways, I'm 17 weeks along now, and finally had the routine pap's and stuff at the Doctor. Not only did FOB give me the gift of an unexpected baby, he also gave me an STD. I took the pills the Doctor gave me and it's gone now, but I was overwhelmed in anger. I feel constantly angry, all the time. Angry with him for all he put me through, angry at myself that I still miss him, angry at life for putting me in this situation.

I'm 34 and stubborn beyond belief, there is no way in hell I would take him back. I have lashed out at him by sending him emails telling him how horrible of a person I think he is and that he will have to fight me in court to see this baby. Today he called and told me that he is not going to fight. He know's damn well that if he tried, at the very most he would get supervised access. And he's not willing to do that. So he say's he's going to walk away, never show up for a court date, give me whatever I ask in child support. Yay right?? So why do I feel so terrible? I feel horrible that my child is going to have to grow up without a father, even though I know that its probably better than growing up with HIM as a father.

Sigh. I don't get it. Maybe it's just hormones. I know I'm not the only one who's left an abusive ex. Have any of you ever felt this way, or am I completely crazy??

 

[Laura2919]

Well I think it is better your child grow up without a father than to have an abusive one.. You will move on and one day find a lovely man who will take on your child as his own and life will be worth it. It may take time to get there but you will and for the moment you are carrying one of lifes most precious gifts, Never ever let him defeat you with how you feel.
In some ways I can say I still love the twins dad but that love is nothing more than a thankful feeling that he gave me chloe and jaycee and nothing more, there was a time when I used to get this confused for actually being 'in' love with him which I werent for a long long time!
Your better off without him and if he doesnt want to fight for his child then he is not worth the bother. I do hope you feel better soon and we are all here if you need a chat

x

 

[frankyzw]

Hun, nothing is wrong with you! Don't put yourself down. It's a normal reaction to the breakdown of your relationship. Give yourself time to heal and to get rid of the anger you're feeling.

Accept the situation as it is, there's no going back to fix the past. You'll also have to take responsibility for your part in creating the situation. Why not have a day or two where you mourn the loss of what you'd hoped for? Write it out on paper, get angry but on paper. Let it all out, cry , punch a pillow then when you're done burn the paper and let go of the past.

Now it's time to create a new life for yourself and LO. Of course you still feel 'love' for FOB, he even helped create the beautiful life you have inside of you. But at times love is just not enough to have a meaningful relationship especially if there's no respect. And if he's abusive, why would you still want him? Why do you choose pain in your life? Go deep inside you and find the answers. You're a powerful and loving being worthy of love and respect. Don't accept anything less.

My take is that FOB should get the chance to decide how involved he wants to be with LO despite your differences coz you've got to put LO first. Unless of course LO wouldn't be safe with FOB. Just don't let your feelings about FOB cloud your judgement. Our LOs deserve to know their fathers if it's possible.

One day at a time, you'll be fine. Each day is a gift to start anew. Chin up.

 

[scottishgal89]

i agree with the other girls- theres nothing wrong with you.
i was in a similar situation and i still find myself missing him sometimes- well thats what i thought but i just miss someone being there.
if he was abusive like my ex was then your better off without him! and so is your baby.
do not contact him- just hold your head high and walk away. dont tell him what a bad person he is- theres no point, they dont listen and to be honest its just petty. it could be used against you in the future. dont threaten him with court either. that came back to bite my ex in the ass saying that.
you need to try and calm down- dont waste your anger on a guy who didnt treat you right. you need to prioritise your baby and yourself.
forget him- hes not worth it.
what will happen will happen but thats months down the line yet.
cut all contact, delete him from anything you have him on and if he does try to contact you, dont answer him.
feel free to pm me if you want to talk. me and my ex broke up when i was 20weeks pregnant and my lo is now nearly 6months old now. suppose your in the situation i was in but im way down the line