What NOT to say to someone struggling with ttc

[vermeil]

well perhaps this link belongs more in the lttc forum but this one is my 'home' now so I'm sharing it with all of your great ladies

https://offbeatmama.com/2012/04/talking-about-infertilit

I have been only trying for 6 months and I'm already feeling a little nuts . It took 6 months for our first and I was already feeling frustrated. BD was stressful, a huge chore and a point of tension with my husband. So reading these helped a little. But we`re keeping our ttc secret from everyone to avoid this sort of comment and mostly to avoid the dreaded 'but didn`t you jsut turn 40?' one.

Before even ttc number 2, a coworker (someone I barely know) asked if we would have more. I shrugged and said 'well maybe.' Then she added the dreaded 'even at your age?'..... I politely replied that it was a personal choice and not really a topic for work. Though the many, many answers that ran through my head just then were all FAR less polite

 

[Elski]

One of my closest friends has just told me she's preg. "Are you still trying?" she asks me, "Well" I say "I've had loads of pain recently, think the endo is back with a vengeance and I'll need another op to see what's going on". "Oh, it'll be fine" she says She's clearly just qualified as the worlds first Gynae/Obstetric Psychic

 

[chubbin]

'Are you pregnant yet'?
'Are you sure you're doing it at the right time?'
'I got pregnant in the first month of trying'
'Relax and it will happen'

I have got one girl in my head who said all these things to me when it took us 11 cycles to conceive. I wish Id never told her we were trying ha ha xx

 

[readyformore]

Infertility is absolutely something that most people just can't comprehend.
To ttc for over a year, and have a doctor give you the diagnosis of infertility......it just stinks. For me, each month that passes only adds to the misery.

Fortunately, most people are completely clueless. They don't understand what it feels like to have multiple months of failed fertility treatments, or 20+ repeated bfns.
Currently, I just pick and choose who I want to discuss it with. I will openly discuss my infertility, but I know who to avoid and who can relate, or at least be compassionate.
I have to admit that I have a really difficult time discussing ttc with my friend that has been ttc for 7 months. It's really hard for me to hear her talk of how long she has been ttc and how she is 'broken'. I try to be compassionate about how difficult it can be to ttc for anyone, but I'm not sure why she is whining to me, when she knows I've been at it for a year and a half longer than her.

I think that ttc stinks. It can be tiresome and be a pain in the butt when the excitement wears off. Infertility ........... that's something else entirely.

 

[chubbin]

Yeah, I must say that I think that this thread should be renamed, with 'ttc' in place of 'infertility'. Other than that, it's great thread

 

[Watson101]

I'm 38 and we're well into our 3rd year of TTC no 1. I agree it totally sucks. I feel a complete failure and have never been made to feel so old in my life - I've only just started talking to people about it as I naively thought I'd wait until there was some good news to share. Problem is people come back with stories about how it also took them ages - and then their ages is 5 months..... so I've stopped talking about it again now.

Today it all seems very unfair - I know lots of women friends older than me who have had success and while I am so very glad for them I feel so sad for us that it hasn't happened yet and am starting to feel pretty terrified it never will.

I have better days when I am more hopeful. Teary today tho.

Baby dust to everyone here.

 

[Natsby]

People can be insensitive, even when they are trying to help. I have a friend who has always told me it will happen, I know she wanted to be positive, but she made me feel like she wasn´t listening to my concerns but was just dismissing them. She didn´t have a crystal ball so saying it will happen didn´t reassure me. I didn´t tell many people we were trying even now I´m keeping it all close to my heart for the time being. Maybe we should write what we do want people to say. Even after years of ttc and losses I just spent the morning with a dear friend who has been ttc for 4 years with no luck and I didn´t know what to say to help her. I just listen now, maybe the only solution.