Taken from the Bliss forum Please don't tell me how hard the last few months of pregnancy are or complain how horrible it was to be overdue around me. Dont tell me about how lucky I am to not have to go thru the last month or two of pregnancy. Please don't tell me it was EASIER because he was SMALLER... *Please don't say it didn't hurt because he was smaller... I had a dry birth with no painkillers... he was back to back and was face first.... YES it was still PAINFULL Dont tell me how its no big deal and everything will be fine because people have preemies all the time and they are just fine. Don't tell me how lucky I was to have my babies at the hospital so I could recover and catch up on sleep. There is nothing more in this world I wanted then to have my babies with me at all times. There is absolutely nothing 'lucky' about having babies in the hospital. Dont pressure me to have more children quickly, Ive been through something traumatic. My body has failed me at a very primal level to have a preemie. However, if I want more children please dont tell me that Im nuts for wanting one, Please support my choices. Research is great. Educating yourself is awesome. Please do not act like you are an expert on the subject because you read something on the internet or know a friend of a friend. Each baby is unique and different, and as such my baby may not fit into what you have read. Please do not attempt to teach me about my baby. I appreciate that you had a close friend or family member with a baby in the NICU and you have seen a NICU baby before. I hate to sound harsh, but if it wasn't YOUR baby you really cannot completely understand how I feel. PLEASE, PLEASE don't tell me that my baby is so big, and already caught up that couldn't possibly have been in the NICU. Don't then ask me why my baby isn't doing such-and-so yet, so-and-so's baby is doing it who was born within days... Don't tell me how "LUCKY" I am to have a SMALL baby...I didn't WANT a small baby... Ask me questions! There's a lot about preemie care and NICU life that people don't understand, not to mention questions about my baby's condition. Don't be afraid to ask me...most of the time I am willing to answer and explain because talking about it helps me understand it too, and if you understand more then you can be more supportive. Also if I am crying it isn't Post Partum Depression, it's because all my hopes and dreams for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby have blown up. I don't need medication, I need support! That said, mommies of Preemies/Nicu babies are at high risk for Post Partum Depression. Please keep an eye on me, without smothering me, and help me get needed support and treatment if PPD does hit me. Ignore the tubes and wires and tell me he is BEAUTIFUL. Because he is. Please let me know if you are sick. If I get sick, I can't see my baby, so I don't want to risk it. If you are sick at all, please do not come and see my baby. Just because they are now 11 and 12 pounds doesn't mean they are immunologically as strong as term babies at that size. Please don't preach to me. If you have not been here as the mother of a sick baby, you don't know anything about this. I'm still a new mom. I'm hormonal. Please be kind to me, and give me lots of breaks for any bad behavior. Please dont ask what I did to cause this. Please ask how I am, I may need a shoulder. I'm NOT "over it" and I might not EVER be. Try not to be awkward, change the subject, or roll your eyes if I still get emotional about my son's birth and NICU experience 2 years later. Don't ask when I'm having more children, or if I will try for a girl, or nod knowingly and say 'It is probably for the best" if I say we are done having children. I dont have the time or emotional energy to deal with your drama. Please keep it to yourself. Please don't talk about how easy it was for you to breastfeed and pump. " * Please don't hold off giving us a "congratulations" card in case "something bad" happens. My baby may be premature but that doesn't mean we can't celebrate his birth. Not getting those cards in the first few days after the birth hurts more than you could know. * dont look at me strangely when you ask me how old my baby is. I didnt say weeks instead of days by mistake, he is tiny but is ... weeks old already. I DO know my baby's age. * Please don't tell me my birth COULDN'T possibly have been as PAINFUL as yours becuase your baby was full term/overdue. Contractions do not differ in pain due to the size of a baby. * Please don't presume I do not care about my baby because I don't spend every minute of my day at the hospital with him - to leave him there is the hardest thing to do but I need to look after myself too. * Please do not assume I do not love/want my baby because you have seen me smiling or laughing. I will deal with things in my own way and you have no way of knowing how I am feeling on the INSIDE. * Please don't look down on me for stopping expressing/breast feeding... you do not know how much it broke my heart when i stopped producing enough milk *please dont tell me how EASY breast feeding is.. i NEVER got the chance to try establish it.