What should I do - do I keep trying or give up?

[zofranks]

To give you a little bit of background, I am 40, in July we found out I was pregnant for the first time (it was a surprise), on Aug 5th I had a mc & it made me realise that I did actually want a child in my life, anyway as soon as we could we started ttc'ing but my AF arrived 1st September so this is my first proper cycle since the mc, so far though FF doesn't have me as ovulated, I had an 'almost' positive opk on CD 11 but CD 12 it had faded to almost white again, anyway because I have been stressing & worrying about it I am now rethinking it all, I am not sure how much longer I can keep trying for, I started taking the conception support tablets when I had the mc along with agnus castus & I have been reading up about taking soy isoflavones & B6 at the start of my next cycle, I think my cycle is around 28 days but I am not entirely sure. If all of these don't work then I don't know what I will do next, when my af after the mc arrived I wasn't too upset but I think to that when it arrives this month I will be upset & I can only imagine it getting worse each month after that. I feel like I am already becoming too over anxious with the whole business & wonder if we should just give up & if it happens it happens. I am so confused, my head is all over the place & I am not sleeping properly.

What would you do? Does anyone have any advice on how to cope, how long after the mc should I be able to ovulate again or should I go to the docs & ask them about it? I don't think at my age they would do anything anyway to be honest.

 

[animalcracker]

To give you a little bit of background, I am 40, in July we found out I was pregnant for the first time (it was a surprise), on Aug 5th I had a mc & it made me realise that I did actually want a child in my life, anyway as soon as we could we started ttc'ing but my AF arrived 1st September so this is my first proper cycle since the mc, so far though FF doesn't have me as ovulated, I had an 'almost' positive opk on CD 11 but CD 12 it had faded to almost white again, anyway because I have been stressing & worrying about it I am now rethinking it all, I am not sure how much longer I can keep trying for, I started taking the conception support tablets when I had the mc along with agnus castus & I have been reading up about taking soy isoflavones & B6 at the start of my next cycle, I think my cycle is around 28 days but I am not entirely sure. If all of these don't work then I don't know what I will do next, when my af after the mc arrived I wasn't too upset but I think to that when it arrives this month I will be upset & I can only imagine it getting worse each month after that. I feel like I am already becoming too over anxious with the whole business & wonder if we should just give up & if it happens it happens. I am so confused, my head is all over the place & I am not sleeping properly.

What would you do? Does anyone have any advice on how to cope, how long after the mc should I be able to ovulate again or should I go to the docs & ask them about it? I don't think at my age they would do anything anyway to be honest.

I hope you don't mind me popping in from 2nd tri. I understand how you are feeling.

I got pregnant for the first time naturally last year at 38 years old. I suffered a missed miscarriage unfortunately. I then got pregnant naturally again 8 months later and so far, although it is still early days - I am just over 17 weeks - everything is okay). Baby will be born 2 weeks before I turn 40, so we are not that far apart in age.

I know how you feel about being anxious and it is easy to say 'don't be' when you can't help it. I will tell you this though - when people told me to relax about getting pregnant because that's when it will happen, it made me nuts and I thought they didn't know what they were talking about.

In May (when I conceived) hubby and I were on vacation and for the first time in a long time, we did not 'baby dance' we made love. I was very relaxed and conceiving wasn't even on my mind. That's when I got pregnant.

If you want a child, please don't give up. You are still young enough to try.

have you considered seeing a fertility specialist?

 

[lisap2008]

So sorry for your loss. I have suffered two of my own in 3 years of TTC, seeing as you conceived naturally just a few months ago I would think your ovulating fine on your own and can conceive naturally again. I would not recommend soy because in my experience it can delay or stop a normal ovulation. agnus castus can delay normal cycles as well.
I have heard it said that your more fertile after a M/C. so if I were you I would try a few all natural cycles no soy or agnus castus . and just take prenatals.
Good luck!.

 

[Indigo77]

I think you should keep trying, but change your approach. I don't think you should add supplements to your regime until your cycles have settled and I would give it about 3 months. BD every 3 days from the end of AF until menses and get to know your body by temping and OPK testing for 3 months. The only thing you should be taking is folic acid or a prenatal.

 

[zofranks]

Ladies - thank you all for your replies.

Animalcracker - congrats on your pregnancy & you are right, I do need to relax & just enjoy making love again, I haven't considered going down the FS route yet & I am not sure that is the path I would want to take right now, but it is something to bear in mind.

lisap & indigo -I am going to stop taking the supplements apart from the pre-natals as of tomorrow - I thought I had to take them & didn't realise they might not be helping me. I will keep charting & see what happens.

Good luck ladies

 

[Sus09]

Zofrancs.
I don´t think you should give ut. It takes a while to recover from a loss. What you have are normal feelings. I had two losses of pregnancies, one when I was 30, had a molar pregancy and was removed at 7 weeks. and at 33 I lost my baby at 9 weeks and 3 days. So I understand how you feel. You do question whether you should carry on or just forget about it.

Don´t be put off by your age hun! A lady in work gave birth las week and she is 46! that is her first and only child. Just give yourself some time to recover.

I agree with the girls, don´t take suplements for now.

 

[BBgirl]

hi Zofranks, my heart goes out to you. I'm 42 and have had 2 miscarriages, one at 11 weeks and then one at 8 weeks a year later (tried for only 2 cycles each pregnancy). Traditional advice was to wait 3 cycles, now current practice is to advise women to have one normal period first. This is because there's a slightly higher chance of miscarriage if you don't wait for that one normal period. The next statistic is that if you conceive again within 6 months there's a much higher chance for a normal pregnancy/healthy baby. New research study from UK published about 2 years ago. This study showed that the longer you leave it after the miscarriage the worse the pregnancy outcomes. If you conceived naturally at 40 that's fantastic news, that means that you are able to conceive. But so many women have babies in their 40s nowadays especially if they live a healthy lifestyle. It can take a bit longer that's all. But also women in their forties are more likely to have twins! Best of luck.

 

[Natsby]

Hi Zofranks,
You are in good company here, so many of us have suffered losses, (mc x 2 in the last two years for me.) and it is awful, and yes ttc can be hard too. But I´m not sure many of us could stop trying if we wanted to, ok that sounds odd. What I mean is, I wish I could not want a child and give up, but somehow i can´t right now, not yet, and i hope I don´t have to make that choice. After my second MC I said I can´t go through that again, but here i am still trying. If you can do not trying not preventing then fantastic, it is way less stressful than ttc, but I think that with time as you start to feel less severely the pain of your loss you will also discover which path you are on, if the need for a child out weighs the possible pain of getting a BFN for a few months or not. Good luck either way, you know you can conceive and MC is a normal and common part of ttc, yes it sucks but it doesn´t mean you can go full term next time.