What should i do?

[nievesmama]

My 5 yr olds dad has a lot of alcohol probs, one of the main reasons we split when i was preg with our son ( my kids have diff dads).
Contact has been erractic at the best of times, but ive always encouraged it, but for obvious reasons i wont allow him to leave my house.
Well over the last 9 mths hes been promising to see him , and then doesnt turn up. So i stopped telling him if he was so called coming sos not to dissapoint him.
Ive had him in tears asking why his daddy doesnt love him, it broke my heart, but i told him that he did and lied saying he was working.
Ive had major probs with his behaviour, lashing out at us,screaming etc and was told by HV its prob down to contact issues.Any way the last straw was his birthday, we made arrangements for him and his mum to come and give presents but his mum turned up, no sign or call, txt from him. As it was a special occasion i told my son that his dad was coming as i never thought hed be so cruel to let him down. Needless to say he was devastated
I heard nothing until a month or so later, apparently he went out and got drunk with friends!!!!!! Wtf is his son not important enough.
I let rip told him until he can sort himself out, he can stay the hell away.
Ill give him credit he sent some money for him just before Xmas for his bday. But now hes phoning sounding stoned/drunk almost bullying me into letting him see my son.
I dont want him to upset him even more, as hell bother for couple weeks then it will wane off again. But hes making me feel in the wrong for saying no.
Im so confused as to what to do for the best.

 

[expecting09]

Thats a tough one babe. So do your other kids see there dads regulary? Maybe he's feeling abit left out because they see there dads and he can't see his that often. I'd tell his dad that he either needs to get his act together and start behaving like a parent or he'll have no contact, give him an ultimatum. Sending him money just before christmas isn't that great, I'm sure your son would rather see his dad on his birthday rather than just have his money

 

[nievesmama]

As bad as it sounds my eldest has never seen her dad much, and shes made her own decision whether to see him as his wife doesnt like my oldest. My youngest is not allowed to see her dad, we had to flee from our home because of him. God i sound awful
I know if i ask my son hed want to see him, i just hate having to pick the pieces up when he lets him down. It annoys me that hes never been denied the chance to see him yet he messes him up so badly!!!!

 

[expecting09]

It doesn't sound bad

Must be tough on you as well as your son, like you've given his dad so many chances and everytime he lets him down time and time again. Have you spoke to his dad about keeping his word and visiting when he says he's going to. Maybe if you speak to him rationally and tell him its effecting your sons behaviour he might face upto his responsibilitys? xx

 

[nievesmama]

When hes sober ( not often) he says hes sorry and he will start doing the right thing. But it never lasts.. It really infuriates me as it seems im the bad guy whichever way it goes x

 

[sweetlullaby]

It doesn't sound bad

Must be tough on you as well as your son, like you've given his dad so many chances and everytime he lets him down time and time again. Have you spoke to his dad about keeping his word and visiting when he says he's going to. Maybe if you speak to him rationally and tell him its effecting your sons behaviour he might face upto his responsibilitys? xx

I would try this Its your little boy thats having his heart broke which really isnt fair. If that doesnt work I dont really know what you should do then... as in refuse to let him see him or let him still see him when he bothers...either way...your son will probably be really upset Its unfair!

xxx

 

[Eoz]

If he wants his trust again he needs to write 1st and apologise to J. Get J to draw piccys and write letters send them back.Give it a month or so then say this is your last and final chance.Come see him such n such time such n such a date and go from there.If he sticks to it do it on a monthly basis then if he continues to behave maybe offer more contact and maybe phone contact.

Only an Idea hun.You can't keep offering though as it's always you not him.J adores him so this is his last chance x

 

[Eoz]

If he wants his trust again he needs to write 1st and apologise to J. Get J to draw piccys and write letters send them back.Give it a month or so then say this is your last and final chance.Come see him such n such time such n such a date and go from there.If he sticks to it do it on a monthly basis then if he continues to behave maybe offer more contact and maybe phone contact.

Only an Idea hun.You can't keep offering though as it's always you not him.J adores him so this is his last chance x

 

[Foxxy]

Ohh that's a tough situation...on the one hand ur son needs a dad...but on the other hand a dad who is not keeping his promises...
We all know that the main thing which our kids need is stability in their life. I'm sure u can give it to ur children. U just should choose the way how ur son will get it from his dad...
Really have no specific advice...hope u will find the best way to sort it out.
Hugs!

 

[tinkabells]

Didnt wanna read and run, but i agree with the other girls. Hope everything works out for you all xxx