what should i do?

[samface182]

basically, chris's (my OH) ex girlfriend has a little girl. supposedly not his. ive never really thought much of it cos i have never saw the little girl, and chris has never bothered cos he was told that she wasnt his, even when the girl was pregnant. shes 3 now i think.

i was looking on his ex's bebo and was looking at pictures of her, and she totally looks like him. same eyes, same shape of head, same eyebrows even and the same smile. she has curly blonde hair, like what chris had as a wee boy

she told chris that she is not his, but in my head it adds up that she could be. the babys dad is supposedly the guy that she left him for.

i text him asking if she was defo not his, he replied saying 'C(his ex) assured me back then that the baby wasn't mine, and i believe her'

but how can he just go by her word? wouldn't he have wanted to know, cos the dates were so close? they broke up and she was with this other guy like a couple of weeks later as far as i know. and cheated on chris with the same guy.

im really upset about it, like if he has another child?! i know this sounds terrible, but i loved the thought of our little family, what if he finds out that she is his?

i dont know what to do. i dont think im just being paranoid, i actually gasped when i saw the pic of the little girl cos she is SO much like him.

i cant even see the screen from crying so much.

 

[pinkribbon]

Maybe you could suggest to him that he ask her for a DNA test. Even if he says to his ex that it's to reassure you, not because he doesn't believe her. I mean, if she's 10000% sure her daughter isn't his, why would it be a problem?

 

[Embo]

Awwww hun, I don't know what to say other than, maybe ask him to ask her again... like say the photo looks so much like him when he was a little boy, maybe she would be willing for him to do a DNA test...
but It will not change his feelings of your baby together as he hasn't spent anytime with this little girl, and he will hold your baby from the day he is born.

lots of hugs

 

[divershona]

awwwwwww no sam that must be such a shock 4 u. His ex must have had reasons for saying that the baby wasn't his, maybe she genuinly believed it herself or there could have been other reasons there i guess you'll never know but only way to find out for sure is to have a paternity test, but then i'm pretty sure it would have to be Chris who started that ball rolling. has he seen the pictures to see the resemblance? this could be a pure coincidence that the little girl looks like chris, i know that my ex's 'daughter' looks one hell of a lot like him and she isn't actually his. hope things work out for you and big big big hugs x x x x

 

[samface182]

Maybe you could suggest to him that he ask her for a DNA test. Even if he says to his ex that it's to reassure you, not because he doesn't believe her. I mean, if she's 10000% sure her daughter isn't his, why would it be a problem?

basically.. me and chris have been best friends for 5 years.. i remember when this whole thing came about.

she was cheating on him with the potential father of the baby, while still sleeping with chris, unprotected as far as i know. she found out she was pregnant really soon after they officially split.

before looking at the pics, i thought she cant be his cos if the mum is sure, then why even bother. it's just on my mind cos she really is his double. not even a little alike, proper double.

 

[Youngling]

I dont know hun.
These situations are always difficult.
Talk to ur OH and make sure he understands your concerns and maybe show him pics and see if he agrees. I think it would be unfair for you to ask her for a dna test, she would need to be comfortable with it too. Plus they are expensive as well.
Even if, worse case scenario, the child is his it doesnt mean that u will have any less of a family then u would if it isnt.
U cant keep it all bottled up
xx

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

i dunno hun - at the end of the day..

it sounds like, she doesn't want him to have anything to do with the baby and he's fine with that.. it sounds horrible - but maybe for you it's for the best?

also have you seen what his ex looks like as a baby, or the lad who suposedly is the dad? somtimes girls go for lads who look quite similar...

it might also be your hormones adding it up.. and stuff - but if you're really worried, i'd deffiantly speak to your OH about it, at the end of the day, he's the only person who'd be able to make you feel better..

it sounds terrible but if you do mention it to him, and he does end up curious - there could be a chance she found out that the little girl was his..
or you could just not say anything as they seem to have a kind of agreement - which seems to suit them both, and according to the mum the little girl has got a dad?

maybe it'd be better for you, just to leave it, it sounds kind of silly, but unless it'd really wind you up not knowing, maybe it's for the best.. and if it bothered either of them, they've had three years to do something?
i dunno hun

sorry that was a complete ramble - i'm here if you wanna chat, i know how you feel..
xxxx

 

[QuintinsMommy]

i dunno hun - at the end of the day..

it sounds like, she doesn't want him to have anything to do with the baby and he's fine with that.. it sounds horrible - but maybe for you it's for the best?

also have you seen what his ex looks like as a baby, or the lad who suposedly is the dad? somtimes girls go for lads who look quite similar...

it might also be your hormones adding it up.. and stuff - but if you're really worried, i'd deffiantly speak to your OH about it, at the end of the day, he's the only person who'd be able to make you feel better..

it sounds terrible but if you do mention it to him, and he does end up curious - there could be a chance she found out that the little girl was his..
or you could just not say anything as they seem to have a kind of agreement - which seems to suit them both, and according to the mum the little girl has got a dad?

maybe it'd be better for you, just to leave it, it sounds kind of silly, but unless it'd really wind you up not knowing, maybe it's for the best.. and if it bothered either of them, they've had three years to do something?
i dunno hun

sorry that was a complete ramble - i'm here if you wanna chat, i know how you feel..
xxxx

I agree w/ alot that was said here.

 

[QuintinsMommy]

im gonna msn you lol

 

[samface182]

thanks for all your advice girls.
i'm going to talk to chris when he gets in from work, show him the pictures and take it from there.
i wish i never looked at the pictures of the little girl now, but i cant ignore it now that i've saw them xx

 

[QuintinsMommy]

nvm i saw pictures now

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

that's okay..
at the end of the day, if it's going to nag you then it's better to get it out in the open and deal with it from there..
i hope you're just worrying for no reason, and it's just a conincidence they look alike.. but if it's not, then it's not the end, it could be a good thing..
i hope you two are able to sort things out and that he can put your mind at ease somehow!
xxxx

 

[Prinny]

I personally would be soooo MAD! if my partner could have another child lol i would say why not get a DNA test done..but then the truth could possibly hurt you even more like what if she is his..could you except that..?? cah i damm right know i couldn't lol i would be way 222 hurt to even think of how he feels or anything, at the moment he doesn't even think the little girl is his...if you want to find out for shore a DNA would be the answer but it can make things worse..but then it may not and she may not be his, just ask yourself if she was his would you be able to except her into your little family...??

if you can then your really good and have a big heart because i couldn't I do hope though it's nothing and a big coincidence they just look similar because that does sometimes happen and people aren't related what so ever!

 

[bbyno1]

like allier said..alot of girls do go for boys with the same look..even if they dont look alike ,the same features so maybe it could be that?i would be feeling the same way as you tho after seeing the pictures and thinking she was the double of my OH..
i would do what you said..sit him down..show him the pictures and go from there..
i suppose he will agree that she looks like him but still be in denial ..it might be just as hard for him to take in as you..-
its a hard one because as much as you cant force someone to take DNA tests thats the only way you will ever really know who the father of that girl really is..otherwise its everyones words/guesses against eachother but i hope you find the right conclusion and dont let it bring you down because your still gunna have your special family at the end of the day xx

 

[newmommy23]

My OH has a child from a previous relationship that he didn't ever know about. She did a lot of lying and got pregnant on purpose, and then tried to turn it on him. His son is gorgeous and I originally wanted nothing to do with him. I was so hurt when we both found out, since I was the one who discovered the child. I saw a picture of him on her myspace. I thought I was going to die and it really hurt. But it's a lot more him than her and he's a cutie. But she won't let him see him at all and has given him up for adoption. She never wanted him and basically got pregnant to try to get them back together I guess? I don't know. It's hurtful and a hard situation. You should get a DNA test and take it from there. As for your little family, just think, this will be his first child with you, whom he loves, and a much better situation for him. It gets better with time. I'm always here if you want to message me!

 

[rubixcyoob.]

Aw Sam

I'm pretty sure Chris believes what this girl has told her and never wanted to pursue it any further because she doesn't want him to and he doesn't want to believe he has a child out there he hasn't known for 3 years.
If it's really worrying you talk to him about if for sure, maybe try and find out what this lad looks like?
If you are still worried maybe talk to his ex yourself and ask if she knows for sure (dna, whatever) because if this little girl is his, Aiden will have a half sister out there and you and Chris and his ex need to do what is best for their relationship. If she just refuses then I would put it out your mind and forget about her. She could be living in denial or ignorant, but sometimes that's best for everyone involved xxx