What stages did you go through?

[Jennifurball]

When you and FOB split?

Yesterday I was just on auto pilot and took my stuff and made myself at home, even though I have seen him today and we argued, I am kind of regretting leaving him even though I know he has had a million chances and he is mean to me.

Why am I feeling like this and what will the next stage be? I am sick of seeing happy couples and I have to bring my baby up alone, without a daddy.

 

[whatwillbe]

Oh gosh hun, at first i was devestated, he was all i thought about day and night, i would call and text just to be ignored, then i tried to just move on with my life and the saying "time is a great healer" has proven true to me somewhat, i got the truth that he got back with his ex in the end, wich in a way helped becuse i was still hoping he'd come back to me, now i know he wont so i can move on, each day has got a little better, i dont think about him all yhe time like i used to, i still have my bad days but it is getting better and it will for you too ! X

 

[Shezza84uk]

I went through..

Denial, depression, low self esteem, failour as a mother, more depression, worthlessness, realisation, acceptance, healing more healing and more acceptance..

It was very, very hard for me because it happen so quickly, he took off 2 weeks before our wedding which I found out on FB not in person. I felt I let my daughter down and really did not know how I would get through it, in fact I couldn't believe it was happening to me.

I am proud that I made it through despite the fact we have another child on the way I DO NOT need him!! I proved this to myself when he finally turned up in July 7months later... trying to reel me in and I was strong enough to say no! it does get better with time I am surprised I didn't have a full on breakdown..

I think my strength came from within because I did not want my daughter to see me broken so although I was secretly suffering everyone around me had no idea because I literally lived with an exterior mask with a smile on so they wouldn't ask how I was now I don't need that mask anymore because I am a new woman who survived the cruelty of a vicious man and I am so proud of myself! xx

 

[Jennifurball]

Thank you.

Well we have split before 2 years ago, he walked out on me out of the blue after 2 months in a new house, so that hit me HARD. I was a wreck. But this time, he has dragged me down to the point where I don't want that and know it is the right thing, but I still get tearful and I know he will make life difficult for me but this is for Scarlett and he isn't the only man in the land! I could actually be with a man who has a nice house, money, respect and I can be who I want to be with him instead of being put down and moving from place to place with someone who bleeds me dry.

 

[whatwillbe]

I feel the same hun, i know hes no good to be with, will only ever bring me stress and heartache and same as you bleed me dry, i still miss him but i know if he came and begged me back i wouldnt have him, a women deserves better than that and so do our children, it is hard being alone but has to be better than being with some one like that ! And it will only make you a stronger person by moving on x

 

[Shezza84uk]

personally for me I asked myself the following questions..

1) would I want my daughter to think its acceptable to be treated that way?

2) Would I want to be with someone who respected me so little that they aim to destroy me without remorse?

3) is it fair to settle for never being loved, cared for or committed to because I loved him more than I loved myself??

4) would I want to constantly be thinking about who he would run off with next and leave myself feeling inadequate or undeserving of his love?

The answers to those where no!! I felt I deserved better, it killed me to be without him because I loved him so much, it destroyed me to see that everything I hoped for was gone and my daughter wasnt going to be apart of the family I wanted her to have I realised I lost my best friend and couldnt do anything about it because you CANT force anyone to love you if they do not.

A relationship is a 2 way street and I was always bending over backwards to make him happy but he would never do that for me. In the end I didn't see why I should crave him anymore because i'm sure he wasn't thinking of me or how he treated me he in fact felt he destroyed me and celebrated at my expense.

So do I deserve less.. No I do not, if you feel the light of your soul slipping away and you are losing yourself you are with the wrong person..

LOVE SHOULD NOT HURT.. We all make mistakes but the fact is a mistake is one time, twice is a fuck up third time is a piss take..

in order for anyone to respect us we must first respect ourselves to see our worth, hurt and pain only last for a while so its just a case of hanging in there and slowly putting the broken you together until you feel whole again.

 

[teal]

I've not seen my ex since before I found out I was pregnant. I'd told him on the phone and after some abusive/threatening behaviour I didn't go to see him in person. So I've known from about four weeks pregnant that I was going to be a single mum.

Initially I accepted it quite well but I found it very difficult to go to midwife appointments, scans etc and see happy couples in the waiting room. I found it upsetting to see baby vests and sleepsuits with mummy and daddy on them. I absolutely hated explaining that I was no longer with the babies father and he wasn't going to be involved. I was in tears registering the birth.

As my son's got older everyday things has become easier. Of course there's the "where's my daddy?" question I'm dreading...

I think I've gone through worrying about being a single mother, upset because I don't have anyone to share it with, angry because my ex is a waste of space. I also felt a sort of guilt towards the end of last year so I tried to give him one last chance to be involved and all I got was abuse and threats on the phone so I'm done.

I tried to involve his family but I'm not strong enough to listen to them make excuses for him after how he treated me and how he's been able to ignore that he has a child.

 

[Jennifurball]

I am nearly in tears reading these responses, it is such a horrible situation.

Shezza, I am going to keep reading those questions and keep telling myself, it wasn't acceptable. I do still love him a LOT but he can't feel the same for me or he wouldn't do/say what he did.

Oh god I am so unhappy.

 

[Laura2919]

At first I was ok, then I found out three weeks later he'd already started seeing someone I was angry, angry because he had 7 years with me and he just moved on like that showing me no respect whatsoever but I decided that if I kept holding onto that anger it would eat me up and I would never move on with my own life.

FOB and I have very little contact, only when he drops the girls back to me as I drop them to his mum. We both like it like that. He's moved on with his life and I've moved on with mine.

 

[Dezireey]

I am still in contact with my FOB. He saw his son for the first time about 3 weeks ago, he stared at him and played with him but wouldn't hug him. My son was smiling at him the whole time which unnerved him. He hasn't asked to see him again but he has now added things like 'hug the baby for me' and ' how is he?' at the end of texts and e-mails. My situation is that FOB is severely depressed and on medication. He has a brain injury ( which changed him as a person before I was pregnant) and has been on crutches for over a year with a bad ankle problem, he is also in a badly paid job now and almost homeless, he's in a bad way and he opted out of being a father. I guess he saw it as adding to his problems not something that would make a lot of men happy. I am slowly getting over him. My family think he's a waste of space and his problems aren't bad enough to do what he did to me and not make an effort with his son. There is the tiny glimmer of hope that he may get his act together in the future and be responsible, but I am not holding my breath. He contacts me say he misses me, always responds to me immediately and say I am all he has. I do try to cut him off sometimes but it's hard, very hard as I still love him. I wish I could wave a magic wand really and meet a great guy tomorrow who has no issues or worries and me and my son can be happy with him. I have totally accepted now that my son may never have a relationship with his real father, it's tough but FOB made that choice, he has the power to change things, not me, so I have let go now.