What time should an 8 and 10 year old go to bed

[Soph&Bump]

Hi,

I'd really like to know what time you think an 8 and 10 year old should go to bed. I've asked lots of friends and would like to extend my research. My OH has 2 children from his previous relationship. Some issues with the relationship are causing a really sticking point with me and OH and I fear our relationship is close to ending. We have a 6 month old baby together, having got pregnant after 3 months together last year.

His kids come and stay about 3 nights a week and it bothers me that they are often (almost always) up until 10 or even later. The 8 year old goes to bed maybe 20 minutes before the 10 year old. Quite often the 10 year old is up past 10 o'clock and there are often episodes of 'Dad, dad...after they have gone to bed, which drags the process out further', so OH can still be going upstairs at 11pm. And this could be on a school night.

I've tried to get across the need for a sensible bedtime for his children's development and performance at school (I'm a teacher and have seen many a tired child at school). But I also strongly feel that as an adult, I should have the right to have a child free zone from around 9 o'clock. I look after the baby pretty much on my own during the day and usually, though not always, do the bedtime routine on my own. When I come down from a long day of babycare, I'd like to think adult time is not far off. My OH doesn't seem to agree. Because his kids lived in another country for 2 years, he got into the habit of letting them stay up late when he did see them, as their time together was very special. I perfectly understand that but now they are living 2 minutes away and stay here every week, so feel it should be different. I don't feel my needs are being considered.

I'd love to know what other people think. Am I being unreasonable. This is just one of the problems we have as a so called 'blended' family but this is one that really bothers me.

Any thoughts greatfully received.

Sophie

 

[mummy3]

Personally I would have the 8 year old to bed at 7 30 and the 10 year old to bed at 8

Maybe a compromise could be they have their own tv/stereo/books to entertain themselves alone in their bedroom for a little while so you and hubby can get some alone time!

 

[Soph&Bump]

Thanks Mummy3. I would be inclined to agree but sometimes at 7 they are still out playing in the park. I despair as I feel in all the families I've seen, a child of 8 is not that far off bedtime at 7 and certainly not out playing football. OH thinks my expectations of a parent are unrealistic but I think on the sleep issue, children go to bed, or at least their bedrooms, when they are told. But when a dad doesn't want to upset his kids and just wants to be loved, that doesn't happen. I'm going to try and compromise on the time. Unfortunately, when they stay with us they share a room and a double bed, so they find it hard to do things independently and I rarely see them read. Shame, because I think they should. Thanks.

 

[kiwimama]

I'd definately want the 10 year old in bed around 8pm and the 8 year old at least half an hour earlier than that on school nights. Weekend nights are different I think. I usually got to stay up late on a Saturday night and watch the family movie on tv and went to bed after that. I wouldn't want the kids up until 10pm - I'm in bed by 10pm!! It's no surprise they are up so late though if they are out playing in the park until 7pm.
Can your OH not compromise with you by at least making sure they are ready for bed early and then after that they need to have quiet time.
It must be so hard, especially if they are allowed up to all hours when home with their mum.

 

[babe2ooo]

my step son is 9 and he goes to bed at 8

 

[mummy3]

My hubby is my eldests stepdad,so I kind of know where you are coming from, my hubby is easier on her like you say your hubby is more lenient but tbh a child of 8/10 needs the extra sleep and you're completely right that they should be put to bed when you as a parent say

Its very difficult to discipline, especially as a step parent, but in the long run they will thank you for it!!

Also by laying down the law so to speak and setting your boundaries, you are allowing them to feel safe, which when you have been through a lot of changes can be invaluble

 

[morri]

Well I think an 8 and ten year old shouldnt really stay up that late, I don't have any of my own , but I can remember my bedtimes well. Kids should have at least 10 hours of sleep in any case , I went at age 8 , to bed at 7.00 and at ten I was allowed to get to bed at 8. and this stayed like it until I was 14 were I was allowed to go to bed at 9.

 

[Boothh]

my sister is 10 goes to bed at 10pm
cousins 10 & 11 they go to bed at 9pm

my son is 9month and goes to bed around 8.30!

i dont agree with my mum on letting my sister stay up til 10pm sometimes 11pm if she can get a way with it.. on a school night!!

when my son is at school it will be bedtime 8.00pm then maybe when hes 9 or 10 i dont mind 9pm but certainly not 10,11 etc

you need a couple of hours peace at night! xx

 

[Boothh]

Well I think an 8 and ten year old shouldnt really stay up that late, I don't have any of my own , but I can remember my bedtimes well. Kids should have at least 10 hours of sleep in any case , I went at age 8 , to bed at 7.00 and at ten I was allowed to get to bed at 8. and this stayed like it until I was 14 were I was allowed to go to bed at 9.

i think i might have had something to say if i was made to go to bed at 8pm when i was 14 lol i didnt even get home til about 10 when i was 14 !! x

 

[xXhayleyXx]

My 10 year old in in bed by 9 oclock latest on a school night
What time do they usually go bed when they are at their mothers?

 

[Soph&Bump]

Thanks Hayley. Interestingly, I asked OH and he doesn't know. Can't believe it as if I was in the same situation I would be doing what I could to make sure they had similar bedtimes and routines to avoid disruption.

 

[going_crazy]

My 8 year old is in bed by 8pm latest on a school night and 8:30pm on a Fri/Sat night. I haven't got a 10 year old, but I agree that after 9pm is late enough for a 10year old escoecially on a school night! xxx

 

[DottyLottie]

My children are 10 and 11 and still go to bed on a school night at 9pm, up until a year ago it was 8pm.

Fair enough during school holidays and weekends they stay up until pretty much whenever - though they mostly crash out by 11pm even when given free reign.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. What time do the children go to bed at home?

 

[Fabmumof3]

My son is 8 and goes to bed at 8pm but normally reads till about half 8 then goes to sleep on school nights. At the weekend he stays up an hour later as he can sleep in in the morning.

 

[Bambi1985]

OH's daughter is 10 and she goes at 8.30. She'll occssionally stay up until 9 if theres something she really wants to watch on tv or she she wants to read in her room

 

[Dinoslass]

I am all for a child free zone after 9! Even my teenagers know to disappear to their rooms at 9! (school nights)
But an 8 year old would go around 7.30 and a 10 year old around 8 o'clock with me. I might be a bit strict, but I know how children need their sleep! In the holidays it would be later, I am talking school nights. But still before 9 and the over 12 year olds around 10.

 

[fordy]

my 10 yr old goes to bed at 8pm my 4 and 5 yr old go to bed at 7.30pm sometimes on the weekend i let them stay up til 9pm

 

[Chloe's mum02]

My daughter goes to bed at 8pm on a school night and 9pm on a weekend and holidays - especially this week as she loves Britain's Got Talent lol

Amy xx

 

[Tilliepink]

My neice and nephew are 8 and 10 and unless they have soccer or something they are in bed by 8 and if they have soccer 9-930.

 

[hypnorm]

I am all for a child free zone after 9! Even my teenagers know to disappear to their rooms at 9! (school nights)
But an 8 year old would go around 7.30 and a 10 year old around 8 o'clock with me. I might be a bit strict, but I know how children need their sleep! In the holidays it would be later, I am talking school nights. But still before 9 and the over 12 year olds around 10.

i agree, even if not asleep at least they should be ready for bed and in thir rooms reading or something to wind down. I would have them going up at 7 and getting ready, in bed at 7.30 and lights out at 8.