what to do when...

[PnutProtector]

I am 22 years old. I am engaged and have been living with my fiance for a year now, and we've been dating for three years. We're getting married on May 1, 2010 and we plan on having a baby soon after.

Now here's the situation.
My mother says she isn't ready to be a Grandmother and that she wants us to wait at least three more years to start trying. She says she wants us to be more settled and in a big house first.

ok. I get where she's coming from, but it's just not how we feel.
My FH is 29. He wants to still be young when we have children so he can keep up. He already feels like he's behind and she's not helping.
As far as a house goes, we have a huge three bedroom apartment to ourselves at the moment, and we intend to stay here at least another two years. So it's not like we don't have the space. We're not quite ready to move away from the city.

How do I get her on my side?

 

[Mrs Poppy]

Hi hun, it's you and your oh's decision when to ttc not the mil's. She would probably be thrilled if you announced you were having a little one! It sounds like you are happy in the apartment you have- do what you and oh want to do and try not to think of anyone else!

 

[Loz75]

Hi, I really dont think it's fair for your mother to tell you when you can and cant have children! You are an adult and can decide - a shame that she's not supportive of you - I would just explain to her that you want to try now and that you and OH are ready. I'm sure she'll come round, she probably associates grandmas with being old!! x

 

[lozzy21]

My mam has said this and i told her straight, il make her a grandma when i want to make her a grandma, even though she has a valid reason for us to wait. She will be our childcare and wants to wait untill my little brother is in school as he is only 2 and a half.
Our ttc date falls in nicely with that plan.

 

[shambaby]

you have to do what you want to do and everyone else can just get used to it! a baby doesn't need a big house, just a loving family and a safe and secure home, wherever that may be. we really didn't want to get into the realm of 'older parenthood', but we waited to sort out the financial side of things and whilst i'm glad that we have got the situation under control now, sometimes i wish we had just gone for it sooner. we're not SO old (i'm 31 and he's 35), but older than i imagined we would be. oh well, not long to wait now

 

[PnutProtector]

Thanks for the support everyone. I hope she'll come around after we get married. Maybe that will make her feel better about the whole thing.

 

[EstelSeren]

I'm in a similar situation! I'm 21, getting married to my fiance of nearly 2 years on 7th April and want to start trying for a baby as soon as possible after (provided by this point I'm working!!). My mum has said that she doesn't want to be a grandmother for at least another 3 years because 'she wants to be 50 first'. We're already settled in a semi-rural area although we'd need to find a slightly larger house with a more standard layout (we have 4 keys to our flat atm!!) at latest soon after a baby was born.

I've just told her that when I have children is the choice of myself, my partner and, ultimately, my body. If I were to have trouble conceiving I'd rather find out when I'm young and have a good amount of time to keep trying and to find out the reasons behind it instead of waiting and potentially being in my 30s when I find out, iykwim. Besides, I'd also like to have about 4 children (something else my mum doesn't agree with!!) so I'd like to have enough time to give a reasonable age gap between them. This last is something my mum will have to like or lump as we don't have the same views on society as her !!!

Beca :wave:

 

[Bingo]

If you and your partner are ready to start a family then that is your choice and nothing to do with anyone else. The decision is yours and yours alone.

 

[bubbles]

I know it's hard hun. I had a hard time with my MIL a few years ago saying she wasn't ready to be a grandmother when I was already pregnant. Both her and FIL told me to get an abortion I told them where to go but unfortunately miscarried a few weeks later (much to their delight I'm sure)

Just tell her that you will have a baby when you and OH are ready and you are not waiting for any one else to be ready. Also ask her if she waited or would even have considered waiting for her mum to be ready when she wanted a baby xx

 

[x_kitty_x]

I'd say that if you're ready to start trying to conceive now then you should go for it, your partner sounds like he's ready too and your circumstances sound capable of supporting a child. At the end of the day, although we don't like to upset our parents, its not their choice and they should respect the ones we make. Yes, she might be disappointed for a little while but she'll quickly get over it

Three years is lucky! My dad says I have to wait at least 7 years....

 

[sambam]

hiya !
i think ur mum should take ur feelings into consideration hun,
after all u seem to be very settled and happy, and u say ur not getting married til 2010, she might come round to the idea then. if u feel ready to be a mum, then its your choice, dont be influenced by anyone
xxx

 

[amyclaire]

at the end of the day once theres a new little baby she will love it no matter what.. i think all mothers are the same!xxx