What will You be doing For your LO's For christmas?

Jodie__x

Mummy 2 a 10mnth 24weeker
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Ive decided to light a candle for Jayden during dinner, and im going to go visit his grave , ive laminated a card ive write out .I think its going to be a horrible day still though. Im so emotional at the moment , i was up all night crying , if it was up to me id cancel it ! Hows everyone else doing ?
 
I'm trying not to think about it. Can't handle it.

Went to see her twice today (xmas eve). Going to see her tomorrow as well. No different from any other day to me, I go every day, generally a couple of times a day.
 
I'm going to try and forget about it - not going to happen though. I thought I was 12 weeks pregnant but found out the day before xmas eve I'd had a MMC at 7 weeks 2 days. All I can think about at the moment is I should be showing my scan pics to everyone today and moaning that I can't have a glass of wine.

I never really bonded with this pregnancy and am trying to deal with getting myself and my husband through this. I just can't bring myself to think about the baby. It's as though I can't believe I ever was pregnant, despite the fact that I am still carrying and will be until I go to hospital on Monday when I will have a D&C. Maybe that's just grief for you. So I need to concentrate on getting myself better as I'm not eating and I'm not sleeping at the moment. The baby bump that I had last week has gone down so much as I'm hardly eating. I'll get over that though. Whenever I experience some sort of bad news, I don't eat.

I'm just wishing time by so that we can start trying again so I'm focusing on the future rather than the past and present. I'm also just trying to see positives about what has happened to me - like thank god it happened now rather than further down the line like I know some of you girls have experienced. I can't really type anything now as my cat (the one on my profile pic) is harrassing me and walking over the lap top. I just want to try and make xmas as good as I can and I hope everyone else can try and enjoy xmas at least a little bit xxx
 
Well, I'm just about to get ready and go to jessica's grave. :-)
 
had an ornament for Taylor.

O/T- maybe I will get some of my stuff laminated...I didn't think about that. I don't have much left besides my proof of pregnancy, a few clothes intended for him, and some hospital bands.
 
We took Eve some flowers and a little pressie up to the Cemetry, friends had already been up with some other presents for her. Its not fair is it. Wis she was here with me now xxxxx
 
we hung a little purple glittery star on the tree, oh and spoiled our nephew because we dont have our own to buy for any more...this time of year is just awful
 
Its nothing really, but i brought a beautiful xmas decoration in Berlin for our LO. It just makes me think of him.
 

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