What would you do? advice needed

[lottie_2007]

So my 8 (nearly 9).year old daughter has always been hard work, strong willed, stroppy etc but we've dealt with it. She is a school angel and a house horror as they say and has always struggled to.get on with her younger brother, age 6 (seems ok woth the youngest who is nearly 4!) Anyway recently her behaviour is more aggressive and nasty I guess. she has always kept her tantrums for us, never in front of other people but on 6.year olds birthday she had a huge meltdown in front of his friends over something really trivial, kicking, screening etc resulting in me removing her and taking her up stairs. she becomes quite delusional and then blames either me.or her dad for making her kiss out on things. We've had another few 'episodes' since resulting in my mum having to come and deal with her because she is too strong for me (i'm 34 weeks pregnant) and calm her down. We went to the doctors last week who said it sound like normal behaviour but i'm nto convinced. Anyway she has been lovely this last week, like a different child but tonight out of no where she went mad over something ridiculous resulting in a late bedtime and lots of tears. I am exhausted. she is meant to be at a sleepover with her friend on friday, I should stop her going as punishment but part of me needs the break, is that awful? Anyone had any experience. of this? Sorry it's so long X

 

[OmarsMum]

I don't have experience but she sounds like my 9 yrs old cousin. He threw a Tantrum at my son's birthday because my son was playing with his school friends not him. He's hard work , my aunt has 4 children 16,14, 9 & 6 and now she's pregnant. She's always complaining about her son's behaviour at home.

He never got a complain from school but at home he's totally different, he look miserable most of the time, he blames his parents or siblings for his mistakes and so on.

She checked with their GP but the boy wasn't flagged for anything alarming

I don't know what's the norm at this age, I tutor 2 of my friend's daughters 8 & 9 , they are totally different, the younger girl whines & complains a lot, the older is confident, well behaved & easy going.

 

[Quartz]

What triggers them. It sounds like something triggers it and she has an emotional overload that she then cant stop.

Firstly how is she at school. If my DD has a mini meltdown once she has calmed down and we talk it through - in almost every case an upsetting event at school (and it may be one that seems minor to me but major to her) preempts them.

Secondly what triggers - at the party was she not getting attention etc?

Thirdly figuring out what helps calm her down

I would say though I would not necessarily punish her - it sounds as if she is struggling to deal with a swirl of emotions and is acting out.

 

[SarahBear]

It is normal for home behavior to be worse than school behavior. If it's hard for a child to "hold it together," all day long, home is the place where things are going to fall apart. It's possible that school is more stressful for her than it appears.