What would you do? fertility treatment clashes with family event....

[Cypress]

Hi thanks for reading this. I have a dilemma and wondered what others would do in this situation. I was due have clomid+IUI last month but it got cancelled because I had a cyst. I've just been tested and there was no cyst so I could do it this month - but the thing is I am due to be out of the country (Canada - I live in in the UK) for my brother's wedding, which falls right around the time I would ovulate, so I can't do the clomid or IUI as I need to be monitored.

I didn't know I needed to be monitored so closely, so I had thought I could at least take clomid without the IUI; but no. I might be able to do an IUI next month, but who knows, so many things can go wrong; then in Aug they're moving me to the IVF stream so I will no longer be entitled to an IUI.

Would you miss the wedding and stay for the clomid+IUI? or miss the IUI and try naturally instead? [Edit to add: If I did the latter, I would try soy isoflavens for the first time.] Time is vv precious for me - I'm 39 with high FSH and low AMH, so low fertility all round, the clock is ticking like mad (we're trying for our first). It would break my heart to miss the wedding; but I feel gutted missing the IUI. I would really value other people's thoughts. Thanks in advance x

Edit to add: I have to decide today ideally, as I would need to begin taking the clomid. Geez.
And there are no right or wrong answers or reasons - I'm just really interested to know how others feel.

 

[dachsundmom]

Talk to your family.

You have to be monitored bc you has the cyst and your doc is probably still concerned about over stimulation.

I am not going to lie, I would probably skip the wedding; with technology these days, I am sure somebody has a laptop with a webcam so you can virtually be there with your family.

 

[Mon_n_john]

Wow, tough one, not sure what I would do. Can you even cancel your trip plans and get your money back?

I'd have to agree with DMom, sounds like a talk with the family is warranted. Good luck to you!

 

[Cypress]

Thanks Dmom and Mnj. As the flights are only a couple of weeks away, there wouldn't be any refund. My family don't know we're ttc (I wanted to surprise them when we get pregnant; and also I couldn't handle the pressure of them knowing and wondering and asking etc). If we do decide to miss the wedding, I would confide in my brother, as he deserves a proper explanation. I am sure he would understand. But we'd still be gutted (either way).

 

[cissyhope]

Oh god Cypress what awful situation I know what you mean about not wanting to tell family or friends,i made that mistake telling some friends and really wished i hadn't as the pressure,especially when your feeling sensitive isn't nice.
Back to your question,personally i would also miss the wedding but if you talked to my OH,he would say go and enjoy yourself
Sorry not much help am i but i would stay home and do treatment but that is because i'm an impatient worrier What ever you decide,do with a happy heart. Good luck lovely xxx

 

[StarSign]

If you're not participating in the wedding, then I would talk to bro and stay home for treatment. If you're in it- then I would try soy + natural.

*SS*

 

[readyformore]

I'd go to the wedding.

Each cycle your chances of conception (even with clomid and IUI) are very slim. It's most likely that you wouldn't get pregnant and then you would miss the wedding.

Sorry if that sounds negative, but there is only so much I personally am willing to miss in my life for a baby that might not come. And missing my brother's wedding is a HUGE sacrifice to me. Just my 2 cents.

Even with a low AMH and high FSH, one cycle probably won't make that big of a difference.

But hugs to you, cause your situation is really crappy.

 

[Cypress]

Thanks cissyhope, SS and ready. I am so torn - but your thoughts are helping me clarify the issues in my head. I can't seem to find any definitive stats on how much clomid+iui improves your chances over just trying naturally - the leaflet from the clinic says their clomid+iui success rate is 14%; doesn't sound great, but it must be better than the natural success rate (of people with fertility issues such as myself) or else why would the clinic do it? Too many unknowns in this situation.

 

[Macwooly]

I really feel for you with this situation It is a dilemma and I wouldn't know what to do either

I think you need to speak to your brother and see what he says about it all.

Good luck with your decision

 

[velo]

I would go to the wedding, and try naturally this month. You can try clomid + IUI next month, but if something goes wrong, why can't you try again at that route? Why do you have to go to IVF in August specifically? Can you not go to IVF after you've tried IUI a few times? Assuming you are running into some kind of health care system age limit for IVF?

 

[AliGirl]

My view is that you should definitely go to the wedding. This whole ttc lark is so random that I really don't think 1 month will make much difference. I think that if you stayed home and the IUI didn't work, you would really regret not going to your brother's wedding. There are many months to have the treatment - only 1 wedding. Just my opinion!! Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[37Hopeful]

This is a difficult one! Some will say go to the wedding, others will say don't. I would say it is a decision that takes some thought....but not too much because you will cause stress on yourself.

I encourage you to look deep in yourself for the answer.
Your brother getting married is a once in a life-time event.....(well, for some haha.)
You being 39, ttc with your first (and very much wanted child) is a process that can take careful planning, and time can certainly feel like it's running short.

The fact that these 2 events are happening at the same time makes your decision very difficult.

If you go to the wedding, skip IUI & are unsuccessful next month at ttc, will you regret going to the wedding?

If you choose not to go to the wedding, get IUI, and have an unsuccessful month, will you regret not going to the wedding?

I think it ultimately comes down to which of these you'd rather live with.
HOWEVER...............this is not a black & white situation. There is always the possibility of a positive outcome!!

 

[Indigo77]

I wouldn't miss my brother's wedding for the world....Sorry....

I understand that it is very easy to allow ttc become all-consuming,
but if my brother missed my wedding for 1 cycle.....I wouldn't understand....
I would think he was being egocentric...

 

[readyformore]

I wouldn't miss my brother's wedding for the world....Sorry....

I understand that it is very easy to allow ttc become all-consuming,
but if my brother missed my wedding for 1 cycle.....I wouldn't understand....
I would think he was being egocentric...

I agree with this completely

 

[dachsundmom]

Of course I said I would miss it...I'm an only child, I am egocentric, lol.

 

[Indigo77]

Of course I said I would miss it...I'm an only child, I am egocentric, lol.

.

B

It would be like missing your BFF's wedding....
I don't think you would miss either for the world....

 

[dachsundmom]

It would depend on who my DD marries, lol. She comes home with a Conservative and she's on her own, lol.

 

[Jennjenn]

It would depend on who my DD marries, lol. She comes home with a Conservative and she's on her own, lol.

DMom you are hilarious!

but back to the original question...what did you decide? Just curious...

 

[cebethel]

It would depend on who my DD marries, lol. She comes home with a Conservative and she's on her own, lol.

DMom you are hilarious!

but back to the original question...what did you decide? Just curious...

What was the original question?

 

[Elodie]

I would definitely go to the wedding.

We missed a bit of a window of opportunity due to OH's sister's wedding, but as people have said, one month is not really going to make much of a difference - your brother is here and it is a really important time in his life, and to sacrifice the opportunity to be involved in that for the sake of something that may or may not happen would be a shame.

After all, it is family that we are trying to create through all this, and maybe we shouldn't do it at the expense of the family that we already have.

Just my opinion. Good luck with the decision.

Ellie
xx