What would you do?

[CashmereSocks]

I am having a dilemma.

We are ready to start trying. There are few things that need to be considered.

Going away in March

Going Away in January

When to start??

Edit: I added a poll because that looked like fun!

 

[tverb84]

I would stay with the plan to start in March because it sounds like a well thought out plan. Plus your best friend's wedding is still about a year in a half a way so I wouldn't worry about that yet.

 

[skycastles]

I voted for you to stay on course, because having a 'last' carefree holiday for your SIL's wedding sounds great - and it's the one thing that's confirmed. If you feel you need to be there at your best friend's wedding no matter what.. perhaps you could pause TTC and not try during the months that will have you 6month+ pregnant in jan/feb and unable to fly? I think that's roughly May-Aug?
Btw I have tentative plans to start in March too

 

[CashmereSocks]

Thanks for the replies and the votes.

I appreciate what you have to say sky castles and tverb84.

There are so many "what if's" that keep flying through my head. It's hard to let it go and see what happens.

I really just don't want to hurt my friend if my plans end up meaning I can't be at her wedding.

 

[kksy9b]

If she is your friend, she will understand. There are times when you need to put yourself first and this is one of those situations. It sounds like a great plan to start trying in March after your vacation. It may take you a few months to get pregnant (hopefully not!) which means you may be able to still make your friends wedding. But please don't put your life on hold for it

 

[ashleyg]

Like everyone said, you have to do what is best for YOU. If she's truly a good friend she will completely understand. If you feel like it's best for you to wait, then wait. No one can tell you what is best for your situation.

 

[MindUtopia]

I would do just as you've planned, assuming your partner is able to quit smoking. I wouldn't feel comfortable being pregnant with a partner who smokes because of the risks of second and third hand smoke in pregnancy. So I wouldn't care as much about sperm quality as just actual risks to your baby while you're pregnant. Assuming he does quit and is able to stay smoke-free, yes, I'd enjoy your holiday in March and start TTC then or after. I am a big believer in having some fun together as a couple before you become parents. You'll literally never be able to truly let loose and relax the same away again once you have children (until they're old enough to fend for themselves, like teenagers or older). And getting time alone to just be a couple is such a blessing. Take that time and enjoy it. You could certainly start TTC while you're away or when you get back, but definitely I'd make the most of it. I wouldn't even bother trying to plan around your friend's wedding. Who knows how long it will take you to conceive? It could be straight away or it could be a few months. Your friend, who hasn't even set a date yet, could change her mind and opt for a summer wedding instead. Yes, it would be great to be there, but if you're heavily pregnant and can't or too overwhelmed with a new baby, she'll just have to understand. Honestly, a friend's wedding would have been the absolute last thing I was thinking of when I was getting ready to have my daughter or in the first 3 months of her life. We had friends who couldn't make it to our wedding for all sorts of reasons and that's totally fine, and there were no hard feelings. If it turns out you can't make it, find a way to schedule some time together just the two of you to celebrate when you're able. Maybe she could come and visit you when you're ready? I wouldn't have been ready to go anywhere or have any overnight visitors before 8 weeks and even that would have been pushing it.

 

[skycastles]

I understand where you're coming from when you want to be there for your friend, but is there another way you could make it up to her if it does turn out your pregnancy prevents you from attending her wedding? Maybe you guys could go for a short trip or staycation over a weekend? Or you could throw her an amazing bridal shower.. things like that
It's just that unless you wait until March 2017, I do feel nothing's guaranteed regarding pregnancy. I had a friend who was so sick for first 3 mths, she was hospitalised 6 times. Or another friend who was fine, but started bleeding and was put on bedrest for the whole fourth month. And another friend who travelled earlier on in her pregnancy, and was so active and glowing she even came shopping with me for fun 2 days before she gave birth.
It's up to you ultimately, though, so I hope you come to a decision you're comfy with, and have a great time in March!

 

[CashmereSocks]

wow, thank you for all the thoughts everyone!

I guess I can look at it with a silver lining - if it happens right away then we get a baby, if it doesn't then we get a trip! win win right?

There is never a perfect time to try, but March has almost all the elements of a perfect start date. I love to make plans and this has been in the works for almost three years. The way it is going right now I might even be ovulating on the trip! We could make a vacation baby, lol, or try anyway.

I have a lot of faith that my husband can quit smoking. All he needs is a reason, and that reason can't be me. He has has success in the past, but ya know life got in the way and he fell off the wagon. I know he can do it for his future child. And I agree 100% about second and third hand smoke. I originally wanted a 3 month window so he could show he is committed, and then the sperm thing came up and now we have two reasons

The points about pregnancy being different for everyone are great information. I was so focused on the end that I didn't even think about the different things that could happen throughout the pregnancy. That makes me think why would I postpone? There is no guarantee that I could go even if I did plan to wait a bit.

I like your ideas of making it up to her. I still want to throw a shower and do all the things that a MOH would do. Maybe I can even make a video of my speech if I can't go?

You guys have given me a lot to think about! Thank you all so much.