What would you have done?

[JASMAK]

Yesterday at work was terrible, for more than one reason. I am a temp, so I am just counting down my days there. I have only been there one week, and I only have a week and a half to go...although, right now, that seems like forever. Anyways...I feel kind of mean, rude, I don't know because of something that happened at work yesterday morning, that I was not prepared for. As most of you know, I just lost possible twins in October, and although I am better, I still look at newborns and cry. I should have had four babies in the last two years...and I lost them all. Well, I guess one of the ladies who works where I am working, is on maternity leave and just had a baby girl in December. So, unbeknownst to me, there was a little office baby visit scheduled for that morning. The lady comes in with her bundled up baby girl and everyone is oooing and ahhhing over her, and the lady sits on the floor right beside my desk so that I literally have to walk over her legs to get in and out of my desk! I said hi etc...but, I could tell she wanted to gush to me about her baby and tell me everything, but I acted like I was super busy and didn't say a word hardly. I mean, I don't even know her anyways! And it is not like I will see her in the future probably, and it wasn't like I was rude. Anyways, I guess one of the other ladies that works their thought I was being rude because I overheard her talking. But, I mean really?!! They don't know what I have gone through/been through and it wasn't like I was rude. I said hello, nice to meet you...I just didn't want to see her baby! OK...straight stuff here...was I rude??? Not that I can do anything about it now, but I told my mom, and my mom that I was rude and so did my husband.

 

[mer01]

You weren't rude hun, you just didn't want her baby shoved on your face.
If i were you i would have done the same, i wouldn't worry these people who talk about you obviously don't know what you've been through. I think your hubby should have stuck up for you though.



xxxx

 

[wantingmore]

I don't think you were rude. One, you didn't know her to start with. Two, you were at work, and doing your job doesn't make you rude Three, those of us who struggle with infertility know heartache and disappointment like no other. I don't think you were rude. I think you used your coping skills to the best of your ability. That makes you strong, not rude. I am sorry you had to go through that, and I am sorry for you losses.

 

[maz]

I don't think you were rude either. In fact, I think you held it together very well. Had it been me, I may well have asked the boss if I could go on an early break, and I would have told her why. It's not like you going to see them again after your contract is finished...

I also think your mum and DH should have backed you on your actions as well...

 

[woodsy]

i dont think you were rude either, its not like you completley ignored her, you said hello and surely thats enough seeing that you dont know her and like you said you will prob not see her ever again!

Also some people just dont go gooey over babies anyway if you know what i mean so i wouldnt think you were being rude if i worked in your office. Try not to worry about it

 

[CurlySue]

I suppose it does depend on whether you know the person or not. Quite recently, one of my colleagues, Tony, brought in his beautiful weeks-old baby boy to meet us all. I held him. Cradled him. Cuddled him. I wished he was mine but I could not resist him because I know his father and he is a beautiful child. I remember when I had only been in my job for a few weeks. The girl I had replaced, who had left to have a baby, brought her child in. I didnt exactly ignore it but I didnt coo over it simply because I didnt know the mother and I didnt know the child. Why would I ask her all about this baby when I have never met her? Its probably the same for you and this woman. Why ask? You dont know her. You dont know her baby. What are you supposed to say?

We all react differently. When a client brings their baby with them I still smile at the child. I still talk to it. I still hold it if I am asked to. A lady was in the other day who was eight months pregnant and she had a small baby in a pram. She clearly had no job and no intention to get one. She was being charged with benefit fraud. I looked at her and I judged her, I thought "You have no job and no money yet you get pregnant no problem at all."

It hurts. But, life goes on.

I am slowly learning to come to terms with the fact that I have no children. I've never even been pregnant. It bothers me that it comes easily for some people and it's hard, sometimes, to have it shoved in your face, but life does go on. Whilst we suffer, nature happens. People have babies. It's how we learn to deal with that that is the important thing.

It's funny though. I resent pregnant women. I hate seeing people holding their stomachs and I envy them horribly. But, I don't envy people with babies. It's weird. It's why I can easily read the births page but I cannot tolerate the BFP section. Very odd indeed.

 

[jonnanne3]

I don't think you were rude at all. I agree with Curlysue. If it were me and I knew the person, then yeah, but you didn't know her. Why should you ooohhhh and aaahhh over someone elses baby you don't even know? You said your proper hello and nice to meet you, what else do they want you to do? I think you handled yourself very well.

 

[CareBear]

I don't think you were rude you said hello etc, I think it was odd she wanted to gush about her baby to you when she doesn't even know you!

 

[Nathyrra]

It's funny though. I resent pregnant women. I hate seeing people holding their stomachs and I envy them horribly. But, I don't envy people with babies. It's weird. It's why I can easily read the births page but I cannot tolerate the BFP section. Very odd indeed.

It's very strange, I'm exactly the same. Not jealous of babies whatsoever but pregnant tummies make my heart drop. I wonder why this is?

Jasmak-As the other ladies have said, I don't see why this woman is making a big deal out of it all. I believe I would have reacted exactly the same as you in your situation. As this woman's life doesn't revolve around your feelings, the same should be said for her. Your life shouldn't revolve around hers. Think there's a big difference between cooing over a friends baby and that of a practical stranger.

 

[caline]

I don't think you were rude and its your perogative whether or not you want to coo over her baby or not. You said 'Hi' and I think that was plenty. They don't know what you've been through and have no right to judge you. Anyway, some people are just not baby people and aren't that fussed about other peoples kids anyway.
And, also come week after next you won't see them ever again, so chill. You were just doing what felt right for you at the time.

 

[latestarter]

Given your circumstances, you definitely were NOT rude. The problem is that no one at work knows your circumstances - especially since you are their as temp. You likely haven't gotten to know anyone to confide in them.

If you wanted to extend your time there (doesn't sound like that is the case) and/ or were temping their in the hopes of getting a permanent job with them, I'd suggest talking to someone about the day. Personal relationships are important at work, and if they perceive you as being rude, and people are talking about it, I'd consider rectifying it by opening up. If there is someone there you can confide in.

BUT if it is only temporary and you only have a week and a bit left there, don't worry about what they think.

You have been through so much, and you react the only way you can. There is NOTHING wrong with that.

Take care.

 

[buffycat]

wow, i think that you were incredibly restrained! well done for holding back.....

it is so difficult.....if i know someone is bringing a baby in, i will purposely arrange a meeting so that i do not have to be around...

for surprise visits, i am also 'very busy'......

maybe from the outside it looks a little cold, and even everyone at work now thinks i am a 'career woman'......when i'm not....all i want is to have a lo.....i would give all of this up in an instant.......

Jasmak.....i think you are a superstar....

take care.....

luv & hugs

 

[Bumber]

Hey

I am with everyone else. I dont think you were rude. You dont know this person hun.

Its tough. We all have these moments and you shouldnt worry about it. Friends of ours are expecting and it as husband works away they know it happended in three trys. I could sense my face was a picture when they were saying how fertile they must be. Its only natural.

Fingers crossed you will have your own OTT gushy moments soon
x

 

[HAYS]

hun seriously dont worry, you werent rude atall! i would have done the same thing, and like you say its not as if you knew the woman!!!

x