whats it like being a single mum?

[Louise88]

I'm not single yet but could be in the next couple of weeks as sick of my oh I did tell him today that I wasn't sure if i wanted to be with him anymore and i suppose I'll find out in the next week what happens.

part of me feels like it will be easier without him besides the shopping trips however I could start doing online shopping. I feel like my house will be cleaner and my stress levels lower....

... however what is the reality? is it easier? harder?

my oh is a lazy B*****d who sits away all day on his ps4, sleeping in til 3pm in the afternoon has a short temper etc. so you can see why I feel being a single mum will be easier and less stressful!

 

[alibaba24]

Its great in the sense you get to concentrate on you and your children , Obviously its not ideal and in an ideal world we would all have loving and supportive partners. But being a single mum is not that bad at all. x

 

[daneuse27]

The answer to that really depends on the mom. Some have stronger financial stability and support system than others. The more support and money you have, the easier it is. I guess life in general is like that though.

I would never say that being a single mom is easy, but parenting in general is never easy. I think doing it solo is easier than doing it with someone who causes you more work, stress and emotional turmoil. In a lot of ways, being single works for me.

 

[baileybubs]

I agree with what daneuse said, for me being a single mum is easier than also being with a man who made my life harder. Now I don't have an overgrown man child to care for and pick up after too. I have all the money we need coz it's not being gambled away, I don't have to feel resent towards someone for doing nothing because there's only me.
There is of course the fact that I am the one responsible 24/7, that can become hard at some times. But with support from my parents and hopefully soon nursery that will ease.
It all depends on the situation but for me I am much happier now. There are times when I wish and pray for a lie in or not to be woken in the night for once!! And times when it becomes scary being the only one making the hard decisions. But I wouldn't have it any other way now.

All I can say is that if you are feeling like you will be better off without, then make it clear to him. Explain how you feel, and see if he bucks his ideas up.

 

[Louise88]

thank you for the replies, I have tried breaking up with him a few times over the last 6 months but he wont accept it, which makes it harder he just starts crying and tells me I cant take his children away and refuses to leave or accept it. I know I will be happier without him though. In all honesty if I hadn't accidentally got pregnant with my 1st we wouldn't have been together by now, were just 2 different people.

whats really breaking my heart is the fact my dd named 2 toy figures mummy and daddy and all she did with them was make them shout at each other I really cant do this anymore especially now I realize Ciara is taking it all in.

hopefully be joining you girls in here soon, just need to escape first

 

[Kate&Lucas]

It's definitely easier than being in a bad relationship.
The worst part is making the break. It took me a long time to end it with FOB but the relief afterwards was so worth it. If it's not amicable then the first few months of arranging access is difficult too, but that won't last forever.
Day to day, it's just something you get used to. I mean I've been a single parent since Lucas was 4 weeks old so all of the things other parents might find hard on their own like shopping trips, days out, night times, they just come natural, it's just giving it time to get into your own routine with it. Once you know there's no future then it's so worth getting out while your children are still young enough that they won't remember the tough part.

Honestly, I'm finding it harder going from being a single parent to being in a relationship. OH and I have been together a year now but I'm too used to doing things on my own, it still feels a little strange

 

[daneuse27]

I second that, Kate!

I'm not in a relationship, but know that when the time comes it won't always be easy for me. I'm very independent and used to doing things independently.

I am interested in dating (love social interaction with other adults, and other benefits dating offers..) but the idea of a serious relationship freaks me out a little right now.

 

[alibaba24]

thank you for the replies, I have tried breaking up with him a few times over the last 6 months but he wont accept it, which makes it harder he just starts crying and tells me I cant take his children away and refuses to leave or accept it. I know I will be happier without him though. In all honesty if I hadn't accidentally got pregnant with my 1st we wouldn't have been together by now, were just 2 different people.

whats really breaking my heart is the fact my dd named 2 toy figures mummy and daddy and all she did with them was make them shout at each other I really cant do this anymore especially now I realize Ciara is taking it all in.

hopefully be joining you girls in here soon, just need to escape first

Dont let him emotionally blackmail you. Men know exactly how to tug on our heartstrings.

whats more important him or your daughters wellbeing? If your daughter is exposed to argueing it WILL affect her on some level .

Tell him you are not taking his children away he will still be there father but for everyone involved its the best decision so you can all have some normality and peace in your lives. stay strong. x

 

[Lauraxamy]

For me it was easier than staying in a really crappy relationship but, yeah it can be hard. Being a parent is hard whether you do it alone or not but at least if you're with someone you can share the load I guess. I left FOB when my eldest was around 13 months and I was four months pregnant with my second so it was hard but honestly I don't regret it. No matter how hard it's been trying to juggle work, being pregnant with a toddler then having a baby with a toddler etc not once did I ever think 'I wish he was here to help' because leaving him made me so much happier in general and if I'm happier then I feel like I can be a much better Mummy to my LO's.
I'm the same as what Kate said a few posts above, I'm so used to being alone and doing things my way that having a new OH seems weird.. we've been together just over a year, but don't live together (we actually live 90mins apart atm) and it's weird having someone again, I actually really enjoyed being single. I've always been very independent and liked doing my own things my own way

 

[Skywalker]

I haven't read the other replies but I'm sure it is different for every woman. Some women are single mothers but the baby's father is still supportive and/or at least pays child support, other mothers might not have that situation but have supportive family, other mothers might not have that but have supportive friends, or any number of combinations above.

For me, I have an antagonistic, abusive ex who does not pay child support and who lives in a country the US doesn't have "reciprocity" with (or the right to enforce child support on a citizen from another country). I have virtually no familial support and my friends don't really get that I need help because they're single without kids and have no idea what it's like. I work full time and my baby is in daycare and the daycare costs about as much as my rent per month, and because I "make too much money" I have zero state assistance. I don't have money for a car because all of my money goes towards my son, so we have to beg rides and carpools.

To be honest, in MY scenario, being a single mother since the first trimester of pregnancy with virtually no help, it is too much for me to handle, but I go on handling it anyway because I HAVE to. There's no back-up, no one to hold the baby when I need a break, no one to help with dinner when we get home. It's all me, all the time. I'm exhausted, but I put on a brave face for my baby. I love him immensely and I would walk to the ends of the Earth for him. But if you have a chance at NOT being a single mom, especially if you don't have a support group, try everything in your power to prevent yourself from becoming a single mom. It might SEEM like a romantic idea and sure maybe in some ways it's easier than being with the wrong guy but if you can at all work it out, please work it out. You have NO idea how stressful it can be. I feel like a zombie and I'm so run down I keep getting sick and I might lose my only job for poor attendance and guess what, no other breadwinner. I live alone. I'm lonelier than you can imagine, and I have no extra money at the end of the month to buy any new clothes for myself, so I'm walking around in baggy maternity clothes which have holes in them and no make-up because I literally can't afford it. It's NOT easy, at least in my situation.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Dezireey]

I think, like others have said above, it totally depends on your situation. It is a hard, hard job with no partner, but that is totally reliant on the fact that you have a partner who actually helps out! Even in today's society, a LOT of men do have a habit of just being an extra burden in the house rather than actually providing support. (a classic is when the man is working and just expects to come home to a clean house and food on the table and says he is too knackered to help with baby or just isn't a man that wants to help at all!!) So, yes, in a lot of situations, you are far better off doing it alone.

For me, I would have to say that it gets better, the older the kids get. I have a two year old now and its great that he can communicate with me now and I can actually get on with things and be more 'free' now that he is not a demanding baby anymore.

My situation of becoming a single mum was just painful and awful for me and my heart was crushed and heartbroken by my ex and his behaviour. But would I do it all over again, just to have my little one? yes, definitely. I love him sooo much.

 

[roundtwoforme]

For the first two years of being a parent I was in a relationship and it's been a year and a half that I have been doing it alone. I guess I have seen benefits from both sides.

There were many expectations when in the relationship. I was working, attending school, raising a young baby, and expected to run a household. He wanted a house wife and also a bread earner, he wanted to control all my time and my money. I miss support when ill or when stuck at hospital with sick child.

Now that I am on my own, it is a lot easier. I can cook when I feel like it, or eat out without a big discussion regarding my money spending. There are no arguments about finances. My child is happier as well, a home full of arguments is not good for children.

So, if your ex and you are better off apart, maybe it is what is best for your children as well.

 

[kajastarlight]

Louise88 - I haven't been a single Mom in a while, but this is my two cents. Yes, it is hard, but it is not the end of the world! The adjustment from the break will probably be the hardest part and the more support from family and friends the easier it will be.
Now that I am done with that single parent business I am worried about co-parenting with my DH!! We seem to do OK with my two but there have been a few times where I was like *FOOT DOWN* MY KIDS MY RULES!!! But enough about me.
Just remember when it is hard - that parenting is hard no matter what. You can do it!

 

[tallybee]

I won't lie it's bloody hard. But if your partner is a burden rather than a help then it won't be harder than with him being an extra child to look after x good luck hun