When can I stop being afraid (long)

[BigZai]

My ex was a horrible guy, very controling and angry. I had to spend every day with him I could never see any of my friends because he would get pissed and say that i didn't care about him and that I was just going to cheat on him. when I was with him he would play he xbox non stop while i sat there doing nothing until he wanted to bang. If I didnt want to have sex he would get furious and say I was cheating.
He also would throw shit across the room even knives when he was pissed.
He would make me feel so happy and then tear me down by saying he was cheating only to say he was just kidding when I started to cry and he would say that i was "f***ing stupid" and gulible.
When I got pregnant he said "just kill it take some pills or something" and when I said I wouldn't he tried pushing me into adoption and he would say I would be a horrible mom and that I couldnt handle it.
I finally had enough and told him to just F off to which he replied "F you C*** good luck being a successful mom"
I also saw him post on his FB about how I cheated which I NEVER did

Well now he is living on the other side of the USA and he is engaged and has a kid who is two month younger then my LO
but I am still terrified that he will decide one day he wants my son and I am terrified that the court would give him visitation

I have not spoken to him in about 18 months but my heart still drops in my chest when I hear someone knock at my door and I constantly have nightmares about him coming back.
So my questions are
what are the chances I will ever hear from him again?
When does he legally lose the right to try to get visitation (hes not on the birt Cert.)?

Also he doesnt even know my LOs gender, birth date or even his name he never asked as I said before we havent spoken in like 18 month and I dont have a facebook or anything so LOs info isnt on anything like that

 

[Jinty]

Oh my god that sounds horrible! I'm not sure how it works in USA but in UK if the parent isn't on the birth certificate then he has no rights at all. Unless he goes through court to put himself on there? I think.

If you haven't heard from him for so long i wouldn't think about it too much. Chances are hes not going to. Or in some cases he couldn't find you anyway. If he does go through court chances are he wouldn't get very far if he hasn't been the best father and has been violent.

I can't imagine what it has been like for you constantly worry about it but personally i think its a low chance you may hear from him any time soon so i would just continue looking after yourself and LO because it can't be healthy being worried all the time.

 

[BigZai]

Oh my god that sounds horrible! I'm not sure how it works in USA but in UK if the parent isn't on the birth certificate then he has no rights at all. Unless he goes through court to put himself on there? I think.

If you haven't heard from him for so long i wouldn't think about it too much. Chances are hes not going to. Or in some cases he couldn't find you anyway. If he does go through court chances are he wouldn't get very far if he hasn't been the best father and has been violent.

I can't imagine what it has been like for you constantly worry about it but personally i think its a low chance you may hear from him any time soon so i would just continue looking after yourself and LO because it can't be healthy being worried all the time.

Thanks that makes me feel a little better its been worrying me for awhile and I have not been sleeping well because he is haunting my dreams

 

[Jinty]

I'm glad

Seems highly unlikely he will so concentrate on looking after yourself and LO. x

 

[BigZai]

I'm glad

Seems highly unlikely he will so concentrate on looking after yourself and LO. x

Ugh I just hope I stop having dreams where he shows up and says hes taking my LO.

 

[Jinty]

Yeah that can't be pleasant. A lot easier said than done too, to forget about it. Hope you feel better about it soon x

 

[BigZai]

Yeah that can't be pleasant. A lot easier said than done too, to forget about it. Hope you feel better about it soon x

I just wish I knew when he legally loses the right to do anything. If there is even a time limit, which there should be because if your not around for the pregnancy and months of LOs life you should not have the right to step back in.