When do you stop being angry?

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by SeekingBFP, Oct 18, 2008.

  1. SeekingBFP

    SeekingBFP Active Member

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    I had my 8wk dr appt on Tues thought we were going to see the babys HB. Instead we were told the horrible news that our baby had stopped developing and there was no longer a fetus. DH and i were heartbroken.

    I had a d&c yesterday. I know the wounds are fresh but im just SO angry and so mad and ofcourse, so sad. I do know MANY people who have had a m/c but all my friends have had 1,2,3 pregnancies and have never had a m/c and im just so angry at them for it. I know this isnt their fault and i feel like an awful person for hating my PG friends right now

    When does the anger go away???
     
  2. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    I would say anger and denial come first....and that is normal. It is hard, because I too feel anger for my losses, but who do you get angry at? I think women who have children are an easy target, because they have what you want. But, it really isn't their fault either...it's no ones fault. But, I do understand that anger. I am angry too...why me? Why three in a row? Is this some kind of cruel joke? I was angry at God because I had prayed everyday...sometimes all day long. Just let yourself be angry and work through your feelings. Let yourself cry. I threw a huge temper tantrum once...I just had to. I am so very sorry for your loss. :hug:
     
  3. Jessa

    Jessa Guest

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

    I had a natural miscarriage in August and know a little bit about the anger that you're talking about. I was quite angry and withdrawn for the first couple weeks afterwards, but it does get better. It took me making a conscious decision to not be angry anymore to get over that part.

    I do still feel a bit jealous of friends who have kids. For example, a friend of my husband's is coming over in about half an hour and he's bringing his 1-year-old son. I really like babies, but at the same time, I'm really not looking forward to hanging out with him because it reminds me of the fact that I was pregnant and now I'm not.

    I'm not sure if you ever really "get over" a miscarriage. I think it's like what happens with other situations that involve grief - it just gets easier over time.

    Thinking of you...
     
  4. moomoo

    moomoo Mumma to 2 & 1 in heaven!

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    I'm not sure...i'm still angry about the way i've been treated by doctors and other so called medical profesionals...more needs to be done to educate the NHS about m/c :hissy::hissy::hissy::hissy: Rant over
     
  5. todteach

    todteach Dreams can come true

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    I'm so sorry that you're going through this hun. :hug: JASMAK is right: anger and denial do come first. It has been five months now since my miscarriage. Honestly, I'm still not "over it". Physically I'm feeling fine, but emotionally..........well let's just say I've had my share of breakdowns. So sorry hun, if you need to talk, we're all here. Sending you my love.
     
  6. m_t_rose

    m_t_rose Mommy of Jacob and Julia

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    Next saturday would have been my EDD, and I am angry I am angry at myself for not being able to do what it is supposed to do in protecting my baby. I am angry with God for letting it happen. I am angry at a friend who was due a week before me and just had a beautiful baby girl and I am angry with my family for not being supportive. I know with time the pain will lessen and I was fine up until this weekend when my friend had her baby but now I can't stop crying. I think that it is natural to be angry because it is an easier emotion to deal with than saddness.
    :hug:
     
  7. tillymum

    tillymum New mom

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    With me the anger was soon after my ERPC, why me why my baby why now...How could God take our baby when his grandad way also dying. I still haven't forgiven him for that one!
    The jealousy still lingers but is replaced with a huge longing, and the sadness hits regularly without warning often out of nowwhere. But most of the time i'm doing fine.
    Things most definetly get better with time, take each emotion as it comes and it's all part of the processes and you will get through this big hugs :hug:
     
  8. Loo

    Loo Mum of 2 and one on way

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    We all go through the stages of grief after a mc.

    There is shock and denial (I didnt initally 100% believe the scan was right), then pain, guilt, anger and bargaining.

    Then it all sinks in a bit and there are intense periods of sadness.

    And then, eventually, things start to be 'accepted'. Not understood or forgotten or found easy - but just accepted.

    I went through all those stages - I was angry at any women who was pregnant - except those who had either had a mc in the past (they 'deserved' the happiness) or those who had struggled to get pregnant (I knew they had had their share of pain)!!

    When I say those things now, I just realise what a low place I was in at the time! My mind was overcome with grief and not thinking particularly logically.

    But it does get better. And pregnant women are safe in my presence again!!

    My thoughts are with you x
     

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