When do you stop worrying?

[Sorsha]

My first pregnancy ended in a MMC last year--we had no idea anything was wrong until at scan at 8 1/2 weeks showed the baby was only measuring 5 1/2 weeks.

I've been having a hard time relaxing and being excited about this pregnancy... I almost feel like if I let myself think everything will be okay this time, that'll make things go wrong, just to teach me. I expect that's going to last until I get an early scan around 8 weeks and see whether everything's developing normally... Probably until the first trimester's over. But I don't know what it'll be like after that.

Those of you who have had kids after a loss--at what point during the pregnancy were you able to (mostly) stop worrying and bracing yourself and just be happy? Were you able to?

 

[Wyldemomma]

I have no idea when to stop worrying! I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks 03/12 and 2 chemicals this year back to back. This is my 4th time getting pregnant and I don't know if I will ever stop worrying. I know that's probably not inspiring but you are not alone. Every twitch, cramp, ping... Everything scares me right now. I must trust that it is not up to me at the moment I just have to let go and let God. Easier said then done right?

 

[dairymomma]

I've had several m/c and made it full term twice. I don't stop worrying until I'm holding my baby in my arms. I breathe a small sigh of relief every time I meet another milestone-passing the last date I m/c, making it into the 2nd trimester, getting to 20 weeks, entering the 3rd trimester, etc.-but I don't truly relax until I'm holding my beautiful wriggling little bundle of joy. It's hard not to worry, especially if you've had a previous loss(es) but you'll find it's easier to breathe as the days go by. Good luck!

 

[xjesx]

I don't think we will stop worrying until our precious babies are sleeping in our arms.

 

[rayraykay]

I had a similar experience... I went in for what I thought would be an 10 week scan and instead the baby had stopping growing at 6 weeks. I'm so sorry for your loss. A missed miscarriage is a unique kind of pain.

I too, am still worried about my current pregnancy. Hitting the milestones have helped, we had our 12 week scan on Thursday and hearing the baby's strong heartbeat that the doctor was able to find right away helped. I also got a sonoline B fetal Doppler. I listen to the baby's heartbeat whenever I feel really anxious. A woman on here told me using one daily could hurt my baby, which of course sent me into a tailspin. Then i asked my doctor if that were true and she said absolutely not. It's just sound waves & if it were unsafe for babies... they wouldnt be FDA approved nor would they be used in doctor's offices. Honestly, that is what has helped me the most. I got mine on Amazon for 60 dollars, but I've heard you can buy them for much cheaper. I would definitely look into it.

This is your rainbow... just telling yourself that a few times a day can help too. Tell yourself until you at least kinda believe it

 

[ThinkPositiv]

34 weeks!!

Every apt I got anxious that they wouldn't find the heartbeat. I don't think I skipped looking at the tissue when I wiped more than a handful of times.

All the worry worth it though when u see your baby for the first time.

One thing that I held onto was that regardless of the outcome, I can't change it. So when I got real anxious, thinking back on my losses, I tried to remember that I can't change the outcome.

 

[Wyldemomma]

34 weeks!!

Every apt I got anxious that they wouldn't find the heartbeat. I don't think I skipped looking at the tissue when I wiped more than a handful of times.

All the worry worth it though when u see your baby for the first time.

One thing that I held onto was that regardless of the outcome, I can't change it. So when I got real anxious, thinking back on my losses, I tried to remember that I can't change the outcome.

That is so true! I keep telling myself the fate of this pregnancy is already determined... There is nothing I can do to change it! One breathe at a time

 

[dairymomma]

34 weeks!!

Every apt I got anxious that they wouldn't find the heartbeat. I don't think I skipped looking at the tissue when I wiped more than a handful of times.

All the worry worth it though when u see your baby for the first time.

One thing that I held onto was that regardless of the outcome, I can't change it. So when I got real anxious, thinking back on my losses, I tried to remember that I can't change the outcome.

That is so true! I keep telling myself the fate of this pregnancy is already determined... There is nothing I can do to change it! One breathe at a time

That's the worst part about being pg with a history of mc-not knowing that your baby will make it 9 months this time. yet, I remember how much I've grown personally and my relationship with my husband has grown stronger because of the troubles we've had. I was also reminded recently that if I had had any of the babies I mc or hadn't conceived them at all, I wouldn't have the two beautiful children I have and I certainly wouldn't be expecting this baby. So while I might wonder 'what if' and wish I could have met my six other babies, I'm content with the ones I have to hold right now.

 

[LoraLoo]

I'm not sure you ever do. We lost Alfie last year 18 weeks into the pregnancy. Im past that point now (Im 19+3) but I still worry- I wont even relax when baby is in my arms as we lost our daughter Eve at 5 days old unexpectedly so the newborn period is a really difficult time for me too.

I just keep telling me that statistics are on my side and worrying wont change the outcome- sometimes this helps, mostly it doesnt! xx

 

[Wyldemomma]

Loraloo I am so sorry for your loss, that unimaginable!

Dairy- I too find a part of me grateful because my husband and I have gone through so much and he is one f the most amazing and supportive men I know. It really can break a marriage apart and it has completely made us stronger and more in love then I ever thought possible.

 

[archangel24]

I completely understand what you mean! My DH feels the same way too. We MS last May after trying for 3 months and now i just got my BFP yesterday! I'm not going to tell anyone this time though, that is one change i am making, as well as I am going to try to just proceed with my daily life and TRY to forget about being pregnant We will see how that works...

 

[Drsamyjohn]

I wish i had the magic answer to that question. I've had 2 misacrriages in the last year, and like the rest of you ladies, worried sick about this new pregnancy. I had betas done at 4+3 and 4+7, they were low (86, 404) but doubling. So I had that to worry about. I was given twice daily heparin injections as well as high dose folic acid and baby asprin, so being proactive helps me a little bit. I feel like I am able to DO something to help this baby.

Another huge worry for me is that my OB didn't want to do any further monitoring of baby, or betas, until the standard 8 week scan. I am quite bothered by this. I thought with my history they would be keeping a much closer eye on this pregancy. But I suppose we are doing everything we can, and what will be will be. (I'm guessing that is their theory)

I too check the tp after every wipe, I also squeeze my boobs constantly to try to judge if they are as sore, more sore, or less sore than the day before.

And although I know in my brain that POAS w/HPT's to determine if the line is darker than before really doesn't mean a thing, I still do it.

I don't have my next ultrasound until June 26, which seems a lifetime away. But with both of the mc's I started to bleed at 6 weeks, so this week, as irrational as it is, everytime the TP is bloodfree, I convince myself that all is well. I just hope and pray that I'm not setting myself up for major heartbreak.

All my hopes and prayers go out to you ladies too~ Thanks for listening.

 

[ThinkPositiv]

It is so so hard. I would have loads more babies if it wasn't for the 9 months of pure worry and stress. For the first 34 weeks I worried I would miscarry again and for the full term I worried about the baby, the food I ate, exercise, you name it! Not to say labor isn't hard, but I would go through just that 10 times over if I could negotiate skipping the 9 months of worry! And aside from the worry, I actually loved being pregnant - Is it possible to love and hate it??? But truely loved my belly, carrying my baby girl.

All the worry is to prepare you for when they arrive- it's a different type of worry, but as o type this watching my beautiful baby girl asleep in her room all I can say in hang in there. It is worth it all, i promise u. And even witha colicky, reflux baby and what has felt like a lifetime of non stop screaming, I am so in love with my baby and every second of pain and suffering I went through got me her. Without it all I wouldn't be staring at her right now.

Xoxox

Wishing you all the very best

I wish i had the magic answer to that question. I've had 2 misacrriages in the last year, and like the rest of you ladies, worried sick about this new pregnancy. I had betas done at 4+3 and 4+7, they were low (86, 404) but doubling. So I had that to worry about. I was given twice daily heparin injections as well as high dose folic acid and baby asprin, so being proactive helps me a little bit. I feel like I am able to DO something to help this baby.

Another huge worry for me is that my OB didn't want to do any further monitoring of baby, or betas, until the standard 8 week scan. I am quite bothered by this. I thought with my history they would be keeping a much closer eye on this pregancy. But I suppose we are doing everything we can, and what will be will be. (I'm guessing that is their theory)

I too check the tp after every wipe, I also squeeze my boobs constantly to try to judge if they are as sore, more sore, or less sore than the day before.

And although I know in my brain that POAS w/HPT's to determine if the line is darker than before really doesn't mean a thing, I still do it.

I don't have my next ultrasound until June 26, which seems a lifetime away. But with both of the mc's I started to bleed at 6 weeks, so this week, as irrational as it is, everytime the TP is bloodfree, I convince myself that all is well. I just hope and pray that I'm not setting myself up for major heartbreak.

All my hopes and prayers go out to you ladies too~ Thanks for listening.

 

[buttercup_82]

reading all your stories has really made me feel emotional, thinking of all the things we have had to go through. I have had 3 mcs and I have a beautiful baby girl. I dont think you ever stop worrying. But I'm just trying to stay positive. I had a mc, then had my DD, then had another 2 mcs. Im about 5 weeks pregnant now, and trying so hard to stay positive wishing us all a happy and healthy 9 months xo

 

[dairymomma]

I've had 3 mc, then my son, a cp, then my daughter, 1 mc and 1 cp, and finally I am nearly 12 weeks pg. It's been a grueling 12 weeks though as I've always mc before 9+4 and while I made it that far, I started spotting at 9+5 and FREAKED out. Went in and the ultrasound showed a healthy little baby still growing well. Dr picked up a strong steady hb just yesterday too so I'm breathing a little easier. Cautiously starting to tell people but mostly family at this point. I'm still second guessing myself. Every time I start to tell someone else, I stop myself and think, "Wait, am I going to jinx it?" even though I know rationally that mc has nothing whatsoever to do with telling people I'm pg. That worry never really goes away even if I have passed the end of my 'high risk' stage.

 

[jessshakespea]

I too check the tp after every wipe, I also squeeze my boobs constantly to try to judge if they are as sore, more sore, or less sore than the day before.

And although I know in my brain that POAS w/HPT's to determine if the line is darker than before really doesn't mean a thing, I still do it.

I don't have my next ultrasound until June 26, which seems a lifetime away. But with both of the mc's I started to bleed at 6 weeks, so this week, as irrational as it is, everytime the TP is bloodfree, I convince myself that all is well. I just hope and pray that I'm not setting myself up for major heartbreak.

All my hopes and prayers go out to you ladies too~ Thanks for listening.

LOL, me too!! I have a row of sticks lined up, I keep going back and looking. Funny about the boob squeezing and checking the tp. Me too.
Great post this. I am so glad I found this forum, I was driving everyone in the TTC after a loss forum mad. Got my BFP, but no symptoms at all. I'm 6 weeks. At 5 weeks in my two successful pregnancies (I know I'm a lucky lady to have two beautiful girls) I was sick as a dog. Hospitalised last time with HG.
In my mmc in March the baby only grew until about 5 weeks, but I didn't know anything was wrong until I started to spot just before my dating scan. I can't bear the thought of wasting all that time and worrying all that time again.
I have no boob pain to speak of and no sickness at all. Exactly the same.
Doc won't refer me for a scan on the NHS unless I bleed or am in pain. Well I didn't last time for 7 weeks, so that's not really going to help me relax is it.
Got my fingers crossed for all of us!! As for when we stop worrying :/ So hard isn't it.

 

[Drsamyjohn]

I too check the tp after every wipe, I also squeeze my boobs constantly to try to judge if they are as sore, more sore, or less sore than the day before.

And although I know in my brain that POAS w/HPT's to determine if the line is darker than before really doesn't mean a thing, I still do it.

I don't have my next ultrasound until June 26, which seems a lifetime away. But with both of the mc's I started to bleed at 6 weeks, so this week, as irrational as it is, everytime the TP is bloodfree, I convince myself that all is well. I just hope and pray that I'm not setting myself up for major heartbreak.

All my hopes and prayers go out to you ladies too~ Thanks for listening.

LOL, me too!! I have a row of sticks lined up, I keep going back and looking. Funny about the boob squeezing and checking the tp. Me too.
Great post this. I am so glad I found this forum, I was driving everyone in the TTC after a loss forum mad. Got my BFP, but no symptoms at all. I'm 6 weeks. At 5 weeks in my two successful pregnancies (I know I'm a lucky lady to have two beautiful girls) I was sick as a dog. Hospitalised last time with HG.
In my mmc in March the baby only grew until about 5 weeks, but I didn't know anything was wrong until I started to spot just before my dating scan. I can't bear the thought of wasting all that time and worrying all that time again.
I have no boob pain to speak of and no sickness at all. Exactly the same.
Doc won't refer me for a scan on the NHS unless I bleed or am in pain. Well I didn't last time for 7 weeks, so that's not really going to help me relax is it.
Got my fingers crossed for all of us!! As for when we stop worrying :/ So hard isn't it.

Isn't it crazy how you just KNOW women on here feel exactly the same way you do? Someone who hasn't been through a loss or losses would think we are bonkers. The lines on the tests aren't going to change...but I go look at them several times a day too!!!!

I have been tempted to tell a little white lie and call the OB to say I've had some bleeding, just to get into ultrasound....Haven't gone there yet but I still have 13 day to wait till the scheduled scan and I'M GOING OUT OF MY MIND. I can't think or focus on anything else. I'm constantly trying to either find reasons that this pregnancy is different than the mc's (So this one is going to stick) or reminding myself not to get my hopes up because they probably wont find a heartbeat at the scan. The up and down is exhausting. I feel like a mental case.

Yet, it is comforting to know there are so many women who know EXACTLY what I'm thinking and how I feel.

My big one is reminding myslef that the outcome is out of my hands, what will be will be, and now I have to repeat that a few times so I can get off this website and actually do some work they pay me to do....

to everyone

 

[jessshakespea]

Tell me about it. No way am I turning up to a routine dating scan having had no symptoms of pregnancy. Just no way. If I think about it at all I just freak out.
I totally get what you mean about the little things that you look for to make it different to the last. Sigh.
The only thing I can do is put it right out of my mind. Pretend I'm not pregnant, or supposed to be. And yet here I am oops.
It is out of our hands, that's very true. But I hate the lack of control I have over this. I know that whether it is progressing ok or not is a knowable thing and I find it very frustrating that because of cost I just have to wait, and that's that. If I know that something is wrong then I can take control, start to act. If it's ok so far then I wait some more and hope. We all know that feeling!
:higs: right back atcha!

 

[dairymomma]

I'm guilty of checking my old tests to make sure I'm not seeing things, too! I finally had to bury the darn things in the bottom of a garbage bag and haul it out to the dumpster in order to quit! And it's terrible not knowing how things are going, especially in those early weeks. I've mc between 6 and 9+4 so the second month is always a nerve-wracking one for me. My dr has been amazingly supportive though and she's made me feel so much better despite knowing this is my 9th pregnancy in 5 years. (2 kids, 6 mc, and 1 on the way). She's even ordered an ultrasound as early as 7 weeks because she knows how nervous I am. At my last appt she teased she would send me home with an u/s machine if she could and she was only half joking.

 

[dairymomma]

My symptoms have been different with each and every pregnancy too. Some have been stronger and others have been less, different symptoms (sore bbs with one but not others etc.), and this time round, I started noticing lessening symptoms around 7 weeks. Let me tell you, I was simply TERRIFIED!!! But my dr said it's entirely probable that I was so worried about being in that dreaded time period when I typically ms, that I just didn't notice my symptoms. Plus, I was just reading a thread where some women weren't getting symptoms until 7 weeks. So hang on a little longer and I hope everything turns out okay!