When/How to teach the word "no"

[Pink Sunshine]

My LO loves her walker. Her favorite place to go is straight to the trash cans in the kitchen. She loves to scrunch the little bit of bag that hangs over the side. (lid closed) So far I've just been shuffeling her in other directions, out of sight out of mind right? But this has got me wondering. When do you start teaching them "no"? At what age can they understand they are doing something bad? I was thinking around age one. I also read in another tread on her that some people used "no" only for things that are dangerous. If so, what would you do when they are doing something you don't want. I was thinking maybe using "stop" I have no clue how to approach this. Any experiences?

 

[greenbeans12]

My mom has worked with ages NB-6 yrs old for 22 years. She has her CDA, Director's Credential, and her Associate's in Early Childhood Development/Education. She said to never use the word "no" with a child until their the age to understand the word. Usually around 2 years old. She said it's a negative word and it's best to redirect them positively.

Such as, "please don't touch that", "keep your hands to yourself", "sharing with out friend's is nice, can you give XXXX the toy?". The reason she said this is because NO is just a word - not an explanation. If you want them to understand you then you need to explain WHY they shouldn't do it.

I know the the midst of things it's hard to not say NO. But I think your LO will grasp the concept a lot more if you tell her why not to do certain things.

 

[greenbeans12]

https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/18-ways-say-no-positively

Here is a helpful article on the topic.

 

[special_kala]

I correct behavior from birth without really thinking about it. If they scratch i say "ouch be careful" when they are mobile and touch something they shouldnt i say "not for babies", "dangerous", "hot" etc.

I know they dont understand the idea of it for a long time but its good to talk to babes anyway and i have found both my girls are well behaved.

 

[Blizzard]

We tend to explain the first time, and the second, and the third. After that I end up just saying No. He doesn't get the explanations anyway .

 

[Pink Sunshine]

My mom has worked with ages NB-6 yrs old for 22 years. She has her CDA, Director's Credential, and her Associate's in Early Childhood Development/Education. She said to never use the word "no" with a child until their the age to understand the word. Usually around 2 years old. She said it's a negative word and it's best to redirect them positively.

Such as, "please don't touch that", "keep your hands to yourself", "sharing with out friend's is nice, can you give XXXX the toy?". The reason she said this is because NO is just a word - not an explanation. If you want them to understand you then you need to explain WHY they shouldn't do it.

I know the the midst of things it's hard to not say NO. But I think your LO will grasp the concept a lot more if you tell her why not to do certain things.

That's good advice. I haven't used the word "no" yet, because she's just a baby and doesn't understand yet. I didn't realize they wouldn't understand until 2. Thanks for that article. I'll be reading that.

 

[robinator]

My baby is 16 months and still doesn't get it. Or maybe she does and just doesn't care; I don't know. I only use it occasionally, and that could be why. I don't bother with explanations, yet, as she won't comprehend it. I'll just say, "please don't touch that", etc.

Also, I use words she does understand to redirect her. So instead of asking her to please stop pulling the cat's tail, I'll ask her to please be gentle. She knows "gentle".

 

[greenbeans12]

You have to really go over the same things over and over with infants/toddlers. It takes time.

 

[Pink Sunshine]

You have to really go over the same things over and over with infants/toddlers. It takes time.

So true. And sometimes adults too! teehee I want to be one of those zen calm mom's that explains nicely.

 

[izzlesnizzle]

I usually say "ah ah ah" and shake my head. I did say no firmly yesterday because she bit me on the boob and it really hurt. It gave me a fright and I said "no, ouch!" and shook my head. I do try to save no for very "naughty" (for want of a better word) times. There aren't many times I need to use it at the moment but for every day things like now for example shes wacking the tv with the rattle she'll get a "ah ah ah, come here" and a head shake and she will turn and look at me. Most of the time she wont stop though so I have to go and get her and divert her to something else!

 

[Rachel_C]

When the kids were quite little, we only used NO or STOP (said loudly and firmly, but not shouting) for something that was dangerous and needed an immediate response without having time to explain or coax. Then when it was safe we would follow up with an explanation - in whatever words they would understand - and sometimes showing them. It worked really well and still does (my oldest is 3.5 years old, youngest is still pretty little at 20 months) e.g. if I leave the stairgate open and my youngest goes to walk down the stairs, which she can't do on her own as she won't go backwards, I will say STOP and she does. When we're out and we're walking along a path, if they get to the end near the road quicker than I expected, a STOP makes them both stop dead and wait for me. They know that I don't say it and especially in that 'mum voice' for no reason!

When it's something that could hurt them a bit but isn't really dangerous, or something yucky, I would say something like "yuck, dirty" or "ouch, hot" and show them if possible e.g. I will let them carefully touch a hot radiator if it's safe, and I'd show them the bin was dirty. Maybe with something gross I would then wipe their hands to show them there's a boring consequence to touching the bin!

 

[babydust1990]

I correct behavior from birth without really thinking about it. If they scratch i say "ouch be careful" when they are mobile and touch something they shouldnt i say "not for babies", "dangerous", "hot" etc.

I know they dont understand the idea of it for a long time but its good to talk to babes anyway and i have found both my girls are well behaved.

I do exactly this! I hope my LO is well behaved! He's starting to understand things like 'gently' and 'careful'

 

[special_kala]

I correct behavior from birth without really thinking about it. If they scratch i say "ouch be careful" when they are mobile and touch something they shouldnt i say "not for babies", "dangerous", "hot" etc.

I know they dont understand the idea of it for a long time but its good to talk to babes anyway and i have found both my girls are well behaved.

I do exactly this! I hope my LO is well behaved! He's starting to understand things like 'gently' and 'careful'

It works really well until they realise they dont actually have to listen Willow does pretty much exactly what i say but the pre schooler has realised she can say "but....."

 

[AllyTiel]

I teach it now and she knows what it means. Does she listen every time? No, but she is learning. If she keeps being testy (yes she is testy and sneaky at 9 months old) then I pat her hand after she 2nd time or 3rd time of saying no. It doesn't hurt her or make her cry, but it grabs her attention and lets her know I'm serious. The point is for her to obey me. Because as her mother I know best and she is not always going to understand the reasons I have her do things/not do things. Like she doesnt understand why she can't touch a hot burner right now. When she is a teenager she might not understand why I don't want her drinking underage. But I do and I am training her to trust and obey me, whether she always agrees with me or not. I don't agree with having to explain every little thing to a child just so they understand.

 

[kissesandhugs]

I say no. I've also started this when he started reacting to my voice and tones. When he's doing something I start by saying it gently "no..." then if he keeps doing it a get a bit more stern. I'm not 100% sure he knows what it means but he certainly stops what he's doing. He's going for a cord "no Isaiah.." he turns looks at me then crawls the other way. If I said "Isaiah don't touch the cord, dangerous" he would just think I was talking to him Maybe if I say it in a different tone? I'm not sure, I've never tried it. Maybe I'll take that approach. I really don't see the huge issue in saying "no" though.

 

[EverythingXd]

'No' is just another word, I had never even considered not using it I don't always make a point of saying it, or not saying it... I use whatever words I think best at the time, and I pretty much always explain to him. If he is doing something dangerous, I automatically raise my voice anyway so I don't need a different word to let him know it is more important than other times. I think you naturally keep your instruction snappy when there is imminent danger so any explanation would come after the danger has passed.

My DS1 has definitely been able to understand instructions since he was 12 months old. I remember giving him a 2 step instruction at that age (i.e. pick the toy up and put it on the table) and he would do it. I'm sure he would have understood the word 'no', as well as other words like dirty, stop, and naughty (yes, I use the word naughty!!!).

 

[NotNic]

I'm trying, failing but still persevering at finding the right tone. We do use 'No' and 'Stop' for when he's making a mad dash for something and we're not close enough to grab him. As a rule we try to explain 'ouchy' and 'yucky' but so far there doesn't seem to be any comprehension. He's also a stubborn whatsit and doesn't learn if he hurts himself in the pursuit of what he wants! We find 'bottom' to get him to sit down safely works well, and we do okay with 'gentle' and 'softly'. If he's doing something that we don't like, but isn't harmful then we say 'no thank you' in a polite, firm way and we will make an ah-ah noise if he's heading to the cat bowls etc. Failing that hes removed from what he's doing. I'm just going with it until it clicks.

 

[Wishing_well]

Exactly the same as Kala.

We say "don't touch", "hot/dangerous/dirty" "not for babies" "gentle" etc and have done since she was about 2 months.
I don't (or wont) use NO unless she's in immediate danger and I don't have time to explain. Plus I don't want "No!" to become a regular word in her vocab!

She has been fully capable of following instructions since about 10/11 months. Eg "Put the cup on the table" or "Get your shoes and give them to mummy" So I know she understands what I'm saying without having to resort to "No, naughty!"