When the kids can go out on their own!?

[Wobbles]

So my Caitlin is in final year of Juniors after summer then the big high school ... it's made me wonder when do you let your small people out on their own with friends. Into the local area, into town on a bus, bike ride to school alone etc

I'm THAT Mum who can't stand the girls out of eye sight the thought of this stage make my tummy turn I'm really on edge even thinking about 'letting go'.

Any Mum advice

 

[SarahBear]

I think it's something that gradually builds starting from the time they're old enough to play alone without close supervision. For example, I'm starting to let my 3 year old play outside with his sister with just a check-in to make sure they're staying in the yard. If we had a different yard or were closer to the road, the rules would be different. My 5 year old is allowed to go to the neighbor's alone to ask for them to play. We have rules such as, she is to never go without asking permission first and she has to come right back if they're not able to play. I imagine by the time my youngest is 5, they'll be playing outside without adults more often as my youngest should be more reliable by then. And it will build from there to being able to play on the street with just a check in, or going around the corner to ask if a kid can play, et cetera. Kids aren't really developmentally safe to cross busy streets until they're in later middle school years (https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=203034), so that's a factor in choosing to let your kid wander alone. I live in a small town with low traffic, but there is a busier highway running through the middle. I'll probably let my kids walk to places on the same side of the highway much sooner than on the other side of the highway, for that reason. There are no malls or really places to hang out around here, so we'll see how that develops. Around 16, they should be able to take a bus somewhere alone... maybe younger if you live in more of a city with good service. The bus around here has one stop in town and goes about an hour south of here and about an hour north of here (with a few stops in between)... So... I have no idea how that would work out realistically, but I'm sure it could in some way or other if well planned. I think I'd also like my daughter in particular to learn self-defense skills prior to venturing out alone. It would be good for my son to learn them as well, but let's face it; girls are targets more than boys.

 

[Wobbles]

Before we moved they started going to the park but there were no roads and it always had to be with their friend across the back. Where I am now I've never let them go to the park.

I wish I was one of those Mums who tackled this sooner.

 

[eli_mom]

Hi- How are you?
I have only one child and I also had concerns of letting him go. It was difficult for me to entrust him to others. We searched for a house which is walking distance to school because I didn't want him to ride in the school bus. Many times there was kids getaway in my church and I didn't allow him to join because he would be away for nights.
I didn't allow him to sleep over until he was 13. My friends used to tell me that I should learn to let him go because people might think that he's a mama's boy. I prayed that I would learn to trust my son and trust others too that he would be safe when he's around his friends and other people. It was not easy transition for both of us. My son is now in junior high, thankfully, I was able to overcome that fear.

I pray that you will also be comfortable of letting your daughter go. Try also to communicate with her as much as possible so that you will know her friends because their friends have great influence on them. Thank you for sharing, please update us.

 

[CaptainMummy]

I'm guessing before 12... my rldest will go to high school at 11 and a half, so I will have no choice but to let her walk herself. I have no idea when I will be comfortable with letting her roam around the town. I think I was mayne about 10 or 11, but we never actually went far, were always playing in the quiet housing estate or fields behind the house.

My eldest is 7, I have no issues with her sleeping over at a friends house. She has done many times since 5, and we have had plenty of kids stay here too.
I don't let her out to play though, as there are no other kids on the street to play with, and the kids that do seem to hang about 5 minutes away aren't the kind of children she likes to be around (nor would I want her to either!) All of my girls have free roam of the garden, and I let my eldest play on her bike up and down our street.

She doesn't show any signs of wanting to go out with her friends or anything yet, so who knows when we will cross that path! We also don't have a park or anything close by so there really is nowhere for them to go!

 

[Natsku]

Maria has been allowed to roam freely around our neighbourhood (small safe and quiet) since she turned 6 and has been travelling to school safely by herself all year so now she is allowed to go further afield (which means crossing the big road but it's still very quiet compared to roads in most towns) to visit her friends in two different neighbourhoods nearby.

I would definitely make sure they are used to going out by themselves and with friends before starting secondary school.

 

[morri]

In Germany, primary school kids go to school by themselves.

If we are on the playground (as in large playgrounds)my lo has free range I just stay in a spot so she knows where I am.
My lo will go to primary school next year (at 6.5 year old) and as soon as she knows which way is the best and what to look out for she;ll go by herself too.
In general when we are walking somewhere she may or not have a distance of maybe 50-100m between me and her because she is ambling very slowly investigating the cracks between the pavement tiles etc xD and in parks she is generally allowed as far as I can see her which is probably depending on the hillyness 150 m?

 

[Wispyshadow]

Hi! First post in a long time. I have three teens and each one is so different. I have based what I'm comfortable with on the responsibility level of each individual child.
My one daughter was allowed to go to the movies with her friends at 13 but they can't roam the shops at the mall without an adult.

 

[LoraLoo]

I would say around when they start secondary school so 11/12... obviously depends on area, maturity etc too x

 

[minties]

Maybe at 11-12ish, I'd be happy for them to go out on the bus to the movies etc. Not at all comfortable with the idea of them roaming the streets though at this age, way too busy and dangerous.

 

[sethsmummy]

urg can I answer never I have no idea when I will be ready to let my children out to play by themselves. I am one of those mums too!
They will never be walking to primary by themselves (two busy roads to cross with lots of idiot drivers in our town). They aren't allowed outside at all by themselves and theyre 3,5 and 8. Obviously its a little different for my eldest as he is autistic so that makes it harder but no way would I feel comfortable letting my 5 year old out by himself. It actually turns my stomach when I see local kids that small out by themselves (especially because most are not ready in the slightest and like to play on the roads and run out in front of cars).

We don't have a garden so they don't get out into one but if we did they would still have to be supervised at all times. x

 

[bdb84]

I have 4-5 years between each kiddo so the rules for each are vastly different.

My 12 year old son is allowed to go to the movies alone with his friends (so long as I approve of the group he's with). I, or another mom friend, will drop them off and then the other will pick them all up. He's allowed to ride his bike throughout the neighborhood with his friends and ride the half mile up to the skate park and community center to play.

My 8 year old daughter has free access on our street only. So long as she always tells me whose backyard, or house, she will be in beforehand. She still gets mad that she doesn't have all of the same privileges that her older brother has, but it is what it is.

My 3 year old daughter and step son are allowed to play DOWN the street if one of their older siblings are with them, but at the end of the cul-de-sac, not the other end of the street. My older kids are very mature and responsible and have never once made me second guess depending on them. However, I do know that rule would be subject to change if we lived on a busier street. We just so happen to live on a very quiet, child-filled cul-de-sac where each house is either full of children or has retired elderly couples who adore all the children running about.