When to tell people

[AmandaW525]

Ok so we miscarried our son on 12/31/14 and just found out we are expecting again. It took us almost 2 years to conceive the first and now we are pregnant within my first full cycle?!?!

With our first pregnancy we announced when I was 13 weeks and ended up miscarrying at 14 weeks. It was heartbreaking only being able to celebrate publicly for a week. This time around I feel like sharing with more people right away. Part of me wants the support of family and extra prayers for a healthy pregnancy this time. My husband however feels different and prefers to wait until after our 12 week appointment. I certainly don't want to make a Facebook announcement right now, but I would like to tell our close family. Not only that but we have so many family functions between now and 12 weeks I can't imagine how I am going to hide this!

Did anyone else feel this way?

 

[Love4you]

I've had 4 successful pregnancies and I didn't announce to anyone until my 12 week scan.
Pregnancy number 5 I told close friends and family right away. I miscarried at 8 weeks and it was hard explaining the loss. But I also appreciated all the love, hugs, and kindness. Did it make me cry at work? Absolutely but I prob would have anyways and at least my friends knew why.
Also, I found out many of my friends had previous losses and it was very healing to hear their stories.
This pregnancy I've told all the same friends and they're all praying and wishing so hard for us. I'm glad I shared.

 

[Mrsgoodhart]

My very first pregnancy, we told my parents around 9-10 weeks, after we went to the doctor and had it confirmed. That was before facebook and most social media, so we told others as we saw them in the days and weeks after that. Pregnancy progressed normally and I was blissfully unaware.

Fast forward a few years. I got pregnant with my angel baby. Never crossed my mind that anything would go wrong so we told people pretty soon- before the doctor. Found out at 10 weeks that our angel baby had stopped growing just prior to 6 weeks. It was absolutely horrible having to "untell" sooooooo many people, but the support was amazing- I found out a lot of people I know have miscarried, some more than a few times. Why don't we talk about this???

Now I'm 17+1 with my rainbow. it's been rough, with bedrest and complications out the wazoo....but I still refused to tell anyone. I didn't think I could stand the looks of pity and sympathy again. I've had almost more ultrasounds than I could count with this one, and even after we saw a heartbeat, I kept putting it off until "maybe if everything's okay at the next one" and so forth. Even after being able to check a heartbeat with the doppler daily (this means 2-3 times a day, lol) I still was hesitant. Finally after being well into my second trimester, we told the world at 15 weeks. The support has been pretty overwhelming and full of love, but I can't say I regret waiting until I REALLY felt ready. (but it's probably a good thing I felt ready when I did because another week and I looked undeniably pregnant- no hiding it now!)

Whatever you guys choose, I wish you the best of luck....pregnancy after a loss can be reallllllly tough. I only just now have gotten to the point where I'm not CONSTANTLY worried. I still use the doppler, but maybe every other day or so now. Feeling movement has helped, but if we're being honest I feel like I'm going to be holding my breath for 40 weeks and won't really be able to let it out until s/he arrives safe in our arms.

 

[InVivoVeritas]

I tell family and close friends early on and the rest of the world after the 12-week scan.

I've had a lot of losses, from 5 weeks to 14 weeks, and it's too hard to continue as though everything is normal with the people who know and love me best. Besides which, these days I try to enjoy every minute of any pregnancy I'm given because I don't know how long I'm going to get.

I think whatever works for you is fine. If your husband wants to protect himself that's perfectly undersandable, but you should be able to lean on the people important to you too. Can you guys compromise, and you can tell the people whose love and support you want the most?

 

[jlw617]

I agree with you Amanda, if you want to tell whoever you want, you should just do it, I was hesitant this time as well due to a mmc we had in November but there should be no shame, if you believe you have a living being inside of you right now, which I do then that life has just as much cause to be celebrated as any other life! I get you on the prayers too, one reason I didn't wait to tell was because I had so many people praying for us to concieve again, that I didn't want them to continue to pray for that when God had already answered that prayer! Also like you said I wanted prayers for a healthy pregnancy! Hope you make the choice of whatever feels best or you!