When was your breaking point?

[Otis]

First time venturing over here, so hi all. I'm Emilee and have an almost five week old Amelia. This is going to be bit all over the place since I can't wrap my head around everything so please bear with me!

I've been with my OH for awhile now and am starting to wonder if I need to just end things. All we do lately is fight and he has a lot of growing up he has to do with no signs of making any attempt to do so. First of all, he's 18 and has no job or driving license. When he applies to jobs he doesn't even seem like he's trying to get them with some of the answers he gives and never following up on his applications. Just yesterday he was told he could start Tuesday somewhere, but apparently he couldn't understand the guy on the phone so he just hung up. I'm currently living with my parents and he stays over most nights to help out with Amelia. It's gotten to the point to where my whole family feels like we're being used by him. He doesn't help out around the house and only helps out with LO when he has to. And he doesn't even put much effort into that either; he won't even hold her while he feeds her. As for feeling used, we have to drive him around everywhere, pay for his clothing and phone service (he has a loser dad that is a deadbeat parent), on top of necessities like food. His priorities are also just messed up. Instead of spending time looking for jobs and applying online, he plays computer games and watches videos online. He gets money from his family for holidays and spends it all on himself. He hasn't bought one thing for LO since we found out I was pregnant. His reasoning basically being that it was his money. And just yesterday for his first father's day he didn't spend anytime with LO. Instead he went over to his family's get together which they have one basically every week. When I told him I was upset over that he said he was spending time with his family. I guess that means he doesn't consider us to be his family? It's just getting incredibly difficult to deal with. He tells me he's tired of being the only one making an effort in the relationship and it just makes me disappointed that this is his effort. I don't know when to draw the line for when to end things it's just so difficult because I do love him and want Amelia to have the life of two parents together, but for a while now I just have felt like I have two kids. I'm also worried about custody if things do end. He lives with his dad who plays around with a gun, gets drunk often, and smokes marijuana. All of those combined just make me uncomfortable and I don't want her around that sort of environment.

I guess I'm just looking for some guidance and advice. What told you that you needed to end things with your exes?

 

[Mummy1995]

I'm sorry hun. Have you given him an ultimatum? He needs a rod stuck up his back side!! For me the relationship ended when he tried to force me to have an abortion. But then I tried to make it work but he hit me, threatened me and tried to control me. Tbh if you're thinking like this you may already know your answer as to whether you should end your relationship or not xx

 

[Dream.dream]

For me not having a job since baby was born would be my breaking point . Everything else after that is just making it worse .

Honestly I think an ultimatum is rigt . He has a child now and he needs to step up and take responsibility , and provide for her .

 

[Bundle of joy]

This sounds so much like the situation I was in whilst pregnant with my little girl. The difference is he worked 16 hours a week but still didnt put a penny towards my daughter for clothing or a pram etch. Also never bothered he would much rather spend time with his family and only bothered coming to see LO once a week? How is that a dad? That's not even a part time dad!!' I broke things of almost 2 months ago now and to be honest it was by far the best decision I could of made in that relationship as I'm a lot happier in my self and in my life now he is out the picture, and he's openly told me he doesn't want anything to do with me and LO but that's good enough for me because its always been me bringing little one up. It will be tough Breaking up with someone you love because I was in the same situation and it was hard but then as the weeks went by I slowly started to realise how better our life is with out him, less stress and more happy times. Hope you work out what you want to do. I'd say your best bet is to have a new start though because if he's not making a effort not chances are he never will. I learnt the hard way taking him back over and over again with false promises. Message me if you want to chat. Xxxxxx

 

[Jennaxo]

My breaking point was the arguing, it was non stop and I couldn't deal with it anymore. That's not on though he needs to help to support your daughter!

 

[Natsku]

Sounds like he's not very interested in being a dad I think an ultimatum would be right.

For me the breaking point was when he threw something at me in a rage, and it missed me and hit Maria instead. The breaking point should have been much sooner in my situation.

 

[Dezireey]

My FOB left me, I didn't leave him, so can't say what a breaking point is for me apart from finding out about a gargantuan lie months later and realising what a complete liar he was/ is and can't be trusted ever again.

I think that if you look back at your post hun, you can pick out a long list of things that you are unhappy about and upset about with this guy. In my opinion, I think that with men like this, if they show no respect and can't even be nice about the basic of things, then time to say goodbye.

I have learned now at 39 years of age, that life really is way too short to spend even one more week with a man that makes you seriously unhappy. Try to work things out with a man at first, yep, I believe in that, but when he does not care about your tears, sadness or blows his chances many many times, then it's time to just up and leave him.