Where do I go from here? Please Help

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by EMC0528, Jun 6, 2011.

  1. EMC0528

    EMC0528 Expecting #2 in June

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    742
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hello ladies,

    I am not sure what to do with myself. I miscarried June 1st at 7 weeks pregnant. I feel so defeated and after trying for 8 months am wondering if I have the strength to start all over. I wanted this so badly and I'm sure my story is similar to many other's out there. What do I do now?

    If I start trying straight away I'm so afraid of being constantly disappointed again. Do I use opk's? Or let things unfold on their own?Do I wait until I feel better prepared to deal with the let down of trying each month only to get a BFN?

    I don't feel like I can really talk about this to anyone. Only a handful of people even know I was pregnant and the ones who do know seem like they are uncomfortable talking about it. I guess they don't know what to say.

    If you are still reading, thank you for letting me blab a little. I have debated posting for days only to sit down in front of the computer, write a few lines and then delete it. I feel like my mind is so scattered. I'm just looking for someone who has been through this to tell me that it gets easier.
     
  2. NuKe

    NuKe mummy to 2 gorgeous girls

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2009
    Messages:
    13,765
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi hun, first of all :hugs: i am so so sorry for your loss. i miscarried the day before you and i feel al lot of the same things you are saying. I'm still unsure whether to continuing TTC or to wait a while also. I suppose it all depends on you! I don't know if I could go through this again, but after 2 MCs now, it's a risk I'm going to have to take. I want another baby so badly I think it's worth it.

    Re: people you have told- I know exactly what you're saying. Most people have lost someone, but it's usually an adult and from that perspective, I suppose they can empathise and know how to react. Not as many have been through what we have so I guess they don't really know what to say. On one hand they are probably scared of saying something and making us feel worse (which is undoubtedly going to happen at some point, by someone).

    Re: OPKs, I guess again, it depends on you. I duno if I'll be using them again. On one hand I want to try and relax with TTC, and on the other I'm a complete control freak so doing OPKs makes me feel like I've got a little control over something which is in reality, entirely out of my hands.

    If you need to rant to someone, even if it's just someone to send random nonsensical pms to, you know wer i am. :flower:
     
  3. Mrs G

    Mrs G Lily and Tommy's mummy

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2008
    Messages:
    4,284
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi hun

    I can't say I've come out the other side yet cos I wasn't that far in front of you with my first m/c but I just wanted to say that you are not on your own. I've been on bnb for a while, though ltttc, ivf and now this, I the one thing I've seen here is so much support.

    There is no answer whether to start ttc again, dh wants to, I'm not sure but the only thing I do know is that putting yourself under pressure to get pg is no good. I used to beat myself up every month when we were ttc, even having to have days off work when af arrived. Everyone is different and I know some here have taken comfort from focusing on ttc after mc.

    Not been much help, I know but just wanted to send :hugs: and say I hope too that it gets easier.

    Chat any time

    Kath xx
     
  4. EMC0528

    EMC0528 Expecting #2 in June

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    742
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you both for your kind words.

    I am hoping time will heal me. It is so nice to know I can come here and talk to people who KNOW what I am feeling.

    I really appreciate your responses. It helps to know I'm not alone.
     
  5. NuKe

    NuKe mummy to 2 gorgeous girls

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2009
    Messages:
    13,765
    Likes Received:
    0
  6. KateC

    KateC Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2011
    Messages:
    447
    Likes Received:
    0
    Take care of yourself, honey. It is really very hard and discouraging and confusing, and it can be downright depressing. Take good care of your body and that will help with your mind while you work through your loss.

    If it's too overwhelming to think about trying again right now, just don't think about it. You'll know when it's time to start over. Try to let go of that frantic need to have your pregnancy back. You've got time, and when you're ready, you can always start over. But for now, don't even worry about it.

    Love and strength to you.
     
  7. lauraemily17

    lauraemily17 Mummy to 2 boys

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2010
    Messages:
    5,969
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs:

    I can relate as I had a mc at just under 7 weeks 3 weeks ago and it took us 8 months to concieve. It was just such a kick in the teeth to have tried so hard for what felt like forever to have it taken away only 3 weeks later. (we also found out a week later that my SIL is pregnant after only a few months of trying and is only a few weeks behind what I would have been, lifes a bitch sometimes!!)

    I can tell you though the pain gets a little easier everyday. You'll have good and bad days but the bad days get less. You'll know who you can talk to who will help you through this, even if it's only a few people, mine is my Mum and 2 very close friends and you'll always have all the support you want on here.

    We have decidied to try again straight, the whole hog as before and it has helped me, saying that though,when AF comes, I know I am going to be devastated again however I think that would have been the case whether we had started trying again or not.

    You need to do what feels right for you both emotionally and phsyically. xx
     
  8. mikaylasmommy

    mikaylasmommy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2011
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm so sorry for your loss!

    I'm not necessarily in the best place to give advice since I just found out that I miscarried early this morning also, but I just wanted to send a little love your way. :hugs:

    I know after I lost my daughter last year, I spent a lot of the time not necessarily trying to purposefully stop thinking about her (as there hasn't gone a day that I haven't thought about her), but I think my mind was trying to numb myself from the pain. And then one day out of the blue, the pain hit me like a truck since I didn't give myself the proper time to heal.

    Give your mind, body and heart time to think, grieve, and just feel. The answer will come to you in time.

    Kassi xx
     
  9. pinkflamingo

    pinkflamingo Mummy to an angel x

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2009
    Messages:
    707
    Likes Received:
    0
    hey hun,
    i am so sorry for your loss. Give yourself as much time as you need to deal with everything that you have been through. I had a mmc in December and have had a few complications following it all, so for me the process was quite drawn out.

    I am in my first 2ww now and am really worried how I will feel about a negative. I know that I have not fully dealt with all of my feelings about the mc, but I am accepting of what happened and I do realise that life carries on. I have found a support group which meets once a month and is for people who have lost a child / baby in any manner. We will be going for the first time tomorrow night and I hope this support network brings some comfort to us, and allows us to chat to those who understand what we are feeling.
    Do you have anything of this sort near you? You do have us all on here to talk to whenever you need, and I know that is wonderful in its own right.

    Your loss is so very recent that I think you should give yourself a little bit of time to just take stock of everything and dust yourself down. We all grieve in different ways and take varying lengths of time to accept things, so just take the time you need.

    Hugs xx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice