Where do those who feel shamed for FF lives?

[Rainbow82]

I'm in UK and we've had this a lot, mostly from medical professionals, rammed down our throats at every single midwife appt, had it in birth plan to formula feed and and even so in recovery room after a traumatic emcs student midwife who shouldn't even have been there comes along and puts baby in the boob. The A4 baby notes that Midwife and HV write in till baby is discharged from midwives has a list of things in back, a little check list type thing for midwives of signs indicative of a problem, formula feeding and giving a dummy to soothe baby we're both in there.

 

[laurac1988]

We're in the UK and have just moved hospitals and this was part of the reason. The hospital we were at rammed breastfeeding down your throat constantly, but never actually spoke to you about it. Just posters everywhere and leaflets shoved in your notes. One poster at the hospital said "we will support you however you wish to feed your child" and then three lines down "Formula feeding is UNACCEPTABLE except for in cases of medical need"

So, we will support you, but only if you choose breastfeeding. They were also very uninclusive and were awful about the fact that we are a two mum family, constantly referring to "dad" and "dad is important because..." We felt toally disgarded the majority of the time.

The hospital we have moved to actually has information about breastfeeding AND formula feeding and it is all readily available. That's one of the things that drew us to them.

 

[modified]

My daughter was an IUGR baby that suffered extreme distress on her heart during labour.

I was kept in hospital, and left 100% on my own, for four days. I was shown where my pain meds (emcs) were and told how often to take them and then left on my own with a tiny 4lb 4oz baby. I had the most horrific stretch of bruising from my groin to my waist that a friend, a midwife in another hospital, commented was completely not normal and that I should have been seen by a doctor. No one batted an eye.

The midwives priorities were helping the breastfeeders. If they weren't pumping milk out with their own hands, they were getting this, that and the other to help.

A first time mum with a known, extensive, history of severe mental health, I was left completely on my own. Because I was formula feeding, what help could I possibly need?

Their priority is with breastfeeders. Plain and simple. Nevermind that each ward has a couple of lactation consultants along with a night nurse for help - every midwife took it upon themselves to focus their attention solely on helping establish breastfeeding.

Is that important? Sure. But so am I and so is my baby.

 

[Rainbow82]

Laura that's awful that your hospital just state outright that it's unacceptable, although fir all I know if I looked at the policies from our hospital they probably would say that too. Stupid thing is though that it's a dangerous policy because plenty of people who choose the FF don't know how to make bottles before being shown and could end up not using the right amount of formula or not sterilising properly. We were going to foster a few years ago and they used to have leaflets that they gave vulnerable parents but apparently they aren't allowed to do that anymore as it's seen as promoting FF. our hospital were the same about dads too although they can't value them too much as we found out after emcs, if you have an emcs after visiting hours then after 30 mins in recovery it's straight to a ward where no partners are allowed till visiting the next morning. Doesn't exactly promote bonding, it's actually my biggest fear now if we have another although this one took 3 years and multiple MCs so probably not likely.

Modified I couldn't agree more with your statement about how you and your baby should be equally as worthy of their time as breastfed babies if not more so under the circumstances.
We also saw a pretty horrific lactation consultant when DS was a week old about his tongue tie, she was all about telling us how bad it was and how it's so tight his tongue looks almost split at the tip where the middle is pulled in and how we would get it snipped because it must be difficult for him to latch and may affect speech later on. Then she found out he was bottle fed and was like but we will see how he gets on before referring him as if he's not breast fed it won't affect his feeding so much. Minutes before she's been telling us about speech development but I guess that's not important in a FF baby. Sorry for the rant but it still makes me so upset!

 

[tulip1975]

I am in the US - a large, urban part of Texas - and I delivered at a pro-breastfeeding hospital that actually gave me good information.

When people ask me how I am feeding my baby, it is always with the inplication that breastfeeding is the correct answer. I hate that they even ask. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding. I feel like I turned out pretty darn smart, was almost never sick, and was very close to my mother even though she did not breastfeed me. The shaming that goes on about formula feeding is ridiculous. I'm sorry that anyone has to endure it.

 

[SoupDragon]

I'm in the UK.

I wanted to bf until DD no longer wanted to, and naively assumed that that's automatically what would happen. BF was promoted strongly and FF was never mentioned. Friends with kids would ask while I was pregnant 'you ARE going to bf, aren't you?'

But after a long obstructed labour, I gave birth by emcs to a macrosomic baby with low blood sugar who was also still stoned on the two doses of pethidine I'd had during labour. Her latch was practically nonexistent, and I needed a midwife to help each time. They tried to help, but every one of them had a different idea, none of which worked. I was assured she didn't have a tongue tie, and they offered me the use of a pump but when they couldn't find one they just shrugged. I was never offered to see a lactation consultant. It was only when DD was 9 weeks old, when we saw a private LC, that her posterior TT was found.

I hand-expressed my colostrum in hospital and spoon-fed it to DD inbetween formula topups, and started expressing as soon as we got home. I kept trying DD on the boob for months but she never managed it. I'm still pumping now and will continue til her first birthday. I pump for 2 hours a day but I don't produce enough so have to ff as well.

The health professionals aren't particularly bothered now - the support just wasn't there - they support you unless it's not working, in which case they shrug and hand you a bottle, and wash their hands of you.

But when DD was tiny I took her to a baby group and sat listening to a mum telling her friend all about how women who don't bf just didn't try hard enough. Right, like I'm not trying hard enough to give my daughter breastmilk. I've had people ask me why I'm not bf-ing and when I explain there's this pitying look in their eyes that I detest.

I have to say though, the worst of it is online. Sites like Alpha Parent wind me right up (articles with titles like 'why it IS my business if your child is formula-fed', etc), and threads mentioning bf/ff on forums and facebook groups (particularly weaning ones, for some reason) usually descend into real, venomous nastiness towards ff-ers.

What really really gets to me (and this is not a rant at anyone here, please please please do not take this as an attack, I'm just venting!) is the line of argument that formula is inferior and you're not doing your best by your child by giving it, and you need educating because you're poisoning your kid and they're going to suffer all their life because of your lazy decision...oh, but that's not relevant if you couldn't bf (oh, but did you know all women except a tiny tiny minority not even worth mentioning really can bf if they just try hard enough?)'...surely formula is the same regardless of the reason you're giving it? If it's good enough for those who can't bf, why isn't it good enough for those who choose not to?

I have never and would never judge anyone's parenting choices...sometimes they're not choices at all, and what business is it of mine anyway? None of us know what road anyone else is travelling. I agree there needs to be much much better support to help those who want to bf but are struggling, but the anti-formula brigade need to get off their high horses and stop attacking other mums for doing what's best for their families.

Aaaaand breathe

 

[StranjeGirl]

ugh these posts make me more and more angry! I'm mad at myself for feeling guilty that I could not breast feed very much. It's total BS that formula is inferior to breast milk. There was a time where dr's said NOT to breast feed, and all those people, including myself, turned out just fine and healthy. The only logical guilt I have about not breast feeding is I feel bad for the dairy cows. I know they are not treated well and I am taking their milk. Thanks to them I have to extremely healthy children!