Where to even start...

[BrokenfoREVer]

Well, Mr Joshua arrived on 2nd december. FOB wasn't present.

I called him the morning after to tell him LO was here. He screamed at me, then when I put the phone down called the ward 5 times to try & scream at me. It took him half an hour to even ask if his son was alive!

So he shows up at the hospital that afternoon, I told him he had to wait til visiting, but his sister told him cos he was the LO's dad he could come anytime. So my mom, my birth partner had to leave. So he shows up, at afternoon visiting his brother shows up, evening visiting his parents show up. I've seen my mom for a total of half an hour all day. He then refused to leave until 9pm.

Next day, same deal. The midwives didn't even want to let my mom on the ward to give me some clothes because he had lied & said he was my partner. I told him, when he arrived, cos going into town to buy a book was far more important that seeing his son, he had to leave at 6 so my mom could come in the evening, guess what...he kicked off about that to. Now, call me childish, but I'd been in hospital 3 days, my LO was ill & I wanted my mum.

I came home the next day & he didn't see LO cos I told him we needed to settle in at home. More kicking off & abuse towards me.

Tuesday, he comes to see LO, starts fights with me, tries to bully me, generally acts like an arse. LO is unsettled all day after he leaves.

Wed, I tell him he's not coming to see LO cause of how unsettled LO was, I tell him he can come on thursday. Nope not good enough, he starts WW3 with me. Tells me he's having SS takes LO away from me so I 'can know how it feels'

This continues all day, that evening he's fully in his stride being abusive & threatening me. He tells me I don't deserve to be a mother & that LO deserves better than me.

I tell him he can't come & see LO around me anymore because he upsets me so much & that means he's upsetting the baby. I told him he needed to arrange a contact centre as I won't let him take LO to his house alone & he can't come to mine.

Anyway.. he's been to CAB & got an app to see a solicitor, apparently you can't set up a contact centre without going to court.

Now he's dragging my name through the mud on fb(root of all effing evil!) telling everyone I'm stopping him seeing his son & all he wants to do is see LO & bond with him.

I'm sick of logging in & seeing abuse about me.

I'm not trying to stop him seeing LO, but it needs to be supervised away from me because of what he does to me. I never wanted to take LO's dad away from him but I have to protect us both.

Am I doing the right thing? I keep thinking I should give him another chance, but how he behaves when he doesn't get his own way keeps putting me off.

What would you do? Sorry if this post doesn't make sense, heads a bit of a shed atm.

 

[ka_ox]

Wow he's an arse, I didn't realise that he had done all this :l the only positive is, he wasn't at the birth so you had no stress from him then.

He's out of order, everything he did at the hospital is like harassment and verbal abuse. Okay, so Josh is his son. But it doesn't mean he has the right to act like that and kick off, you were being reasonable and he's played the 'I'm his dad, so I can do whatever I like' card.

After the way you've been treated by him, your being more than reasonable by asking him to arrange a contact center. It's not like your stopping him seeing Josh, your just making it so you don't have to deal with the abuse and Josh gets time with his dad under supervision without getting upset because his mums upset.

Just print screen everything on Facebook, try and not let it get to you, he's just being an immature childish idiot and it will look bad on him in the long run. If people believe the crap he's saying about you on Facebook, they aren't worth knowing. True friends wouldn't believe it, as they know you best and know what he's like.

Your definately doing the right thing, tbh your being alot nicer to him than I would of been! Don't give him another chance, he's had enough of them. And you giving him another, will seem to him like he's getting his way again and the behaviour will continue. You need to stay strong and show him how it's gonna be.

I'm sorry he's an idiot but at least Josh has a lovely mummy, your all he needs xx

 

[MummyJade]

I think your doing the right thing too, if he came to your home and was polite etc then he wouldn't need solicitors...
He has caused this due to the way he has acted towards you when visiting baby at home...

Congratulations too... hope little man is better from being ill
x

 

[xSophieBx]

Ugh sounds exactly like the crap I went through when I had my daughter.

I think your doing the right thing stopping access at your house now before it makes u ill. I stupidly kept letting him back and the same thing happening(emotional abuse etc) & It sparked bad anxiety and pnd for me & so I stopped access at my house last december(when lo was 5months old) because of this and told him the same thing about sorting a contact centre. It took him til the april to actually bother getting a solicitor and we've been trying to sort a contact centre since then and guess wot - still not at 1 yet so he hasn't seen his daughter for a year.. his fault for not cooperating and delaying it!! & yet I'm also the one thats made out to be awful for depriving him of his daughter that he 'loves so much'.

Thats rubbish wot his been told... You can sort a contact centre without going to court. You can self referral if you really want to but a health visitor/doctor or solicitor can sort it as well. I would also suggest he looks into parental classes as well!

I would block and delete him and anyone thats associated with him!

Can u possibly give him 1 last warning about if he even attempts to threaten/bully you he'll be out straight away.. and try 1 last time? I just don't want you getting ill like I did because of him but at the same time I don't want u having to start all this solicitor crap so soon!

Buy a diary and start logging EVERYTHING now!

 

[saitiffeh]

I had to do something similar with my ex-husband. My son was 3 at the time, and we'd been separated for a year and a half. We starting fighting and he did some pretty dumb, reckless things. I had to put my foot down and let him know that he couldn't see LO unless it was supervised. I offered it to be in a public place with a mutual friend, but that wasn't good enough for him. He started going around town telling people how horrible I was for not letting him see LO (luckily for me everyone in town knows what kind of a guy he is).
In the end I took him to court, was awarded sole custody, and he got supervised visitation only. Not that he's ever made use of it, he hasn't been around since July now.

The only thing I can advise you is to take this to court ASAP. Make logs of all the contact you have, the things he says, etc. Keep a journal of it. Find people who will testify as to his character and whatever he put you through. Show the courts why you are the ideal caregiver and the steps you've taken to prepare yourself for motherhood.

Good luck!

 

[jessrabbit]

Firstly congratulations on the birth of LO xxxx

Secondly you are not being unreasonable at all, take screen shots of everything he puts on facebook etc. Keep records, diarise all events, dates and time. His behaviour, when he lied about being your partner. The times you offered to let him see LO, all of the abuse, every little detail.

Its not unreasonable when he is behaving like this to stop contact, unless its on your terms. Perhaps offered him supervised visting with other people present (ie witnesses who will stand up for you in court if need be) on mutual ground until the court process allows you to do it through a contact centre.

He is being completely unreasonable and unfair to you and LO

Big hugs xx