Which is harder, to hope or not to hope?

[Spoomie]

Ha ha North Star! Yes, telling us the miracle supplement or the fact that they conceived by having sex while standing on their head, in the garden, when the moon was full!!!

 

[Natsby]

Ha ha North Star! Yes, telling us the miracle supplement or the fact that they conceived by having sex while standing on their head, in the garden, when the moon was full!!!

Oh dear I´ll never be able to convince OK to do that...lol now days I have a hard time convincing him to just do it normally and for a few days in a row.
I feel hope when I think of Brooke and how long she was trying and still got there. But I don´t venture onto many threads these days either. Not only do they pee me off but I am scared of making newbies fearful too, when maybe it will be ok for them.
Sorry to suck you back in Spoomie! But if you win the loot I´m with you in the fertility clinic, I love camping and the idea of a trip out with all the B&B crew is fun even if I didn´t get a baby at the end of it!

 

[Suki73]

I'm in awe of a lot of the women on here, who maintain a very PMA while ttc over a long period of time.

I think maintaining hope is much more difficult, and this is probably one of those situations in life where a "realistic" attitude might be preferable in the long term.

For instance, if I look at my own situation realistically, I have to face the fact that I may well have left it too late to conceive. But the reason for that is that I was never in a position to have a child before now; I was in a bad relationship for almost ten years and then single (and in recovery) for about five years after that. In fact, I'm very glad I did not have a child with that partner, it would have been entirely wrong. But that business pretty much swallowed up my twenties and early to mid thirties...

I don't feel that's something I can or should beat myself up over, and I know a lot of women who are in similar circumstances.

I'm now almost 39 and only beginning seriously to ttc. "Realistically", I know the chances are diminishing with every cycle, and because I have never been pregnant, I don't know if I'm capable of it. There are so many variables.

I'm not sure if my DH and I would even look into medical intervention if it didn't happen naturally. I'd like to think I would be one of those resigned people who thinks "oh well, if it happens it happens", but I can imagine that serene attitude might change after six or seven months of trying with no positive result.

I know a number of women without children who have very fulfilled and productive lives. I think it's important to remember that yes, it is a very great blessing, but it isn't for everyone.

 

[heavenly]

Thank you everyone for those kind and thoughtful replies. x

This is our first round of Clomid and AF is due this weekend, I keep telling myself that I know AF will turn up...but a tiny part of me keeps telling myself 'this time, it's MY time!' But then I shut that little voice up. 'Why should I get that lucky?'

I adore my niece and nephews, both my sisters have children, my younger sister had her son at 40 and only tried for about 3 months. My best friend had her daughter last year, she was 42, it took her 2 years trying naturally, she never bothered temping or having tests or anything, apart from her FSH and her OH's SA.

Like Suki, I wasn't in a position to conceive at a younger age. I met my soul mate at 38 and I didn't want to rush into anything as important as trying for baby, so we waited til I was 41, now I have just turned 46.

I hate feeling like the odd one out, no-one says anything, people are sensitive but I feel like everyone in my life with children are pitying me and feeling sorry for me. I hate that. I want to be 'one of the gang'.

Difficult to explain. I just have so much love to give I feel like I am going to explode at times!

Thanks again everyone!

 

[NAPzWife]

I have a 15 year old (3lb 2oz) at 32 weeks and 12 year old 6lb 4oz 34 weeks and both was told I would never have kids low progesterone Lost one Christmas of 2002 then never BFP till Feb 2010 lost bean March 9th then nothing till stop trying found out Christmas Day BFP then Lost Jan 2nd Low Progesterone--I know the joy of having them here and the pain of never smelling them holding them both ends are the opposite emotions to the extreme--but never give up hope after I had the first I was on birth control because of all the complications and fear of loosing and had period till 5 months pregnant on pill and her placenta separated and if I hadn't felt something was wrong she would have been still born had friend who had 5 still borns and finally got son one and one only and Aunt's who tried for years and never had biological kiddos--HOPE is all we have--yesterday is gone tomorrow is not promised and today is a gift so enjoy each gift as it comes BIG HUGS

 

[NAPzWife]

We start clomid cycle 1 this month

 

[NAPzWife]

soy isoflavones, natures clomid--have you read this thread

 

[NAPzWife]

you can google also

 

[Natsby]

We start clomid cycle 1 this month

Good luck!

 

[tigerlily1975]

Hi Natsby,

That's such brave and honest question you pose.

I used to be a combination of complete and utter stress AND hopefulness each month. After we got DH's results (no sperm in ejaculate) and we knew there was no hope AT ALL of conceiving naturally, we've been left in a sort of limbo.

We're waiting for his TESE (where they make incisions in his testes to see if there are any, very low percentage of success) and we'll know then if we have a shot at ICSI. It's our only chance of having our own baby, so I have a little hope to cling on to. But as the odds are stacked against us, I have to try and be realistic here and I'm doing my best to see a future without children (we're not sure about using a donor).

Since the diagnosis, it's amazing how the TTC stress just disappeared. Although this stress was replaced with the utter heart-breaking disappointment. I'm pretty sure the stress will be back on the day of the op and even more so when we get the results. I have to keep reminding myself that it's out of our hands.

I know there's hope, but as someone said to me recently, it's the hope that kills ya!

Aah, I'm going to stop being a moaning minnie bringing you all down.

Big to all of you,

C xx

 

[PositiveUs]

You women are saying some seriously deep shit and I for one appreciate the living hell out of it. You are making so much damn sense!!!!!!!! I love you guys.

I too was in NO position to even think of kids until 38 yrs old; now 39. We don't all find our soulmate and reproduce by 25!!! People used to ask "why aren't you married?" or "how come you don't have a family?". Now at this ripe old age, no one even asks, they just assume I'm going to be a childless couple. Society and all of its rules are plain sick.

Gonna see a FS next week. If I'm lucky they will say to start IUI and then IVF but they may very well just tell me the chances are so low that IVF is it. Even then, I will still be lucky if they even say there's a chance at ALL.

Having hope was scaring me so much that I just decided to ditch looking up IVF and IUI and started looking up orphanages and how to become a foster parent. I figured I could fill a house with like 8 foster kids of all different ages even teenagers. Then I laughed at myself and I thought "You haven't even been to a specialist and you are looking to be a foster mom!" !!!!!!!!! That's how much having hope can scare you.

 

[Natsby]

Hi Natsby,

That's such brave and honest question you pose.

I used to be a combination of complete and utter stress AND hopefulness each month. After we got DH's results (no sperm in ejaculate) and we knew there was no hope AT ALL of conceiving naturally, we've been left in a sort of limbo.

We're waiting for his TESE (where they make incisions in his testes to see if there are any, very low percentage of success) and we'll know then if we have a shot at ICSI. It's our only chance of having our own baby, so I have a little hope to cling on to. But as the odds are stacked against us, I have to try and be realistic here and I'm doing my best to see a future without children (we're not sure about using a donor).

Since the diagnosis, it's amazing how the TTC stress just disappeared. Although this stress was replaced with the utter heart-breaking disappointment. I'm pretty sure the stress will be back on the day of the op and even more so when we get the results. I have to keep reminding myself that it's out of our hands.

I know there's hope, but as someone said to me recently, it's the hope that kills ya!

Aah, I'm going to stop being a moaning minnie bringing you all down.

Big to all of you,

C xx

Your not moaning, or bringing us down, I think you are being very brave. This is the right place to talk about these things, so never worry about that here. It must be so hard for both of you. In the past I thought I wouldn´t hesitate at using a donor, but now I am in the position where we might need it, I find it isn´t as easy as I thought. I want my OH´s baby as long as it is a possibility, so I understand why you aren´t sure about that option. But I also have friends who have twins from a clinic in Barcelona with both donor eggs and sperm, and they are happy parents to happy girls. So we never know how things will work out, but as long as they do that all that matters. Good luck, I hope they find some sperm for you, or find out why he isn´t producing any and fix it.

 

[Natsby]

Good luck positive us! I hope you don´t need to turn your home into an orphanage. Maybe have one and adopt just a couple, sounds great to me!