Who puts your older kids to bed with a newborn.

[Spudtastic]

Dd1 will be three in February. Dd2 arrived on the 16th Jan.

I am finding evenings very stressful. Dh has been cooking whilst I've continued to put our daughter to bed. She's very clever and has her delaying tactics despite being tired (she has FOMO). since bringing Dd2 home they've gotten worse (that's OK her world has changed) but it's taking me about 2 hours from start to finish. I have our newborn Dd2 with me who wants to feed/burp/sleep but I find it hard doing both looking after a newborn and working through a long bed time. Then I'm up nearly all night and tired.
Dd doesn't want dh to put her to bed because I've done practically every single bed time. I tried to get dh to start doing it a few months back and whilst he's a generally good guy if he can get away with not doing something he will.

So who in your house is putting the older kids to bed? You or your other half?

 

[donnarobinson]

My two go to bed easily thankfully we only have to take them up and tuck them in and that's them down . When I had ds2 my oh would take him up to bed for the first few weeks
We just take it in turns now . Either one of us takes them up now.
I still get stressed of an evening tho Cruz doesn't seem to settle as well at that time
Chad goes to bed at 6.30pm was 6 we've just moved it and CJ goes at 7.30 was 7.
But trying to get them to settle down so I can deal with baby is hard

No advice really but hope you sort something soon Hun x

I'd put ur dd to bed and them come back and deal with the baby she will soon learn to go to sleep X

 

[Willow82]

We take it in turns. If DD needs feeding, one of us does that and the other does the bedtime routine with DS. My OH then cooks tea afterwards with DD in the sling whilst I do the washing up/tidy up etc.

If DD doesn't need feeding, it means we can get tea done earlier.

It was really hard at first as DS wanted me in the room with him until he went to sleep. As the weeks went on, I've managed to get him back to self settling which makes everything a million times easier.

 

[jodilee6]

Both boys go down around the same time here so we take one each, we take it turns as to who puts who to bed so they are used to us both doing it.

Mon-wed we all eat together so I cook during the day and food is ready when DH gets home, thurs & fri DS1 has tea at preschool so we eat once the boys are in bed but it's something quick to prepare or can be cooking while we're setting the boys.

On the few times I've had to do both at the same time it is hard, there is no way I could do that each night. In your shoes I'd make DH do the elder one so you can focus on the younger one, so what he's hardly done it, now is the time for him to step up and help

 

[Mummy to be x]

I put both my children to bed, my partner works nights. Thankfully my daughter goes to bed easily, she was 3 also when my son was born & she did take a little while to adjust to everything that was going on. It was also hard to adjust myself into having two children.

One thing I will tell you, is that it does get easier, it takes a little time but once you get used to having two and set your little routine everything will fall Into place. I remember feeling like you, and I remember people telling me it'll get easier (I thought no way, how?!) but honestly, it does.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I used to put them to bed holding the baby or take the moses upstairs while I read to them and tucked them up x

 

[sil]

I always put my ds2 to bed as he still breastfeeds right before bed.

DS1 depends. If DS2 is still awake or I'm putting him down, my DH will do it. If I am able to put DS1 down a bit earlier for the night then I will do it (just because I miss putting him to bed! DH would gladly still do it though).

He's actually gotten better at splitting duties I think since we've had a second. I'm lucky.

 

[Button#]

OH puts DS to bed. I BF DD and both can take a while to settle.

 

[Indi84]

Dh puts ds1 to bed, but then he does 98% of the time anyway since he was little

 

[george83]

I do most of the bed times in our house but ds3 is bottle fed so that part of it made it easier. My oh is meant to take the older two to bed on a Thursday (this was because he never used to do any bedtimes and I was worried how they'd cope if I had to do a hospital stay with ds3 but now I like it as it means I get one evening where I get to stay with ds3 alone). My oh keeps telling the children he's going to do more bedtimes but he never does, I would like him to do at least one more night each week. My oh isn't always home from work for bedtime anyway so i don't like to rely on him or I get really disappointed when it ends up being me again!

My oldest very quickly plays up or takes advantage of things if his routine is evenly slightly changed so I'd recommend getting a very good bedtime routine established with just one parent now and then having the second parent start helping out but keeping to the same pattern

 

[chezababy]

I do it as oh works evenings. She generally goes yo sleep easily and on her own but getting her ready for bed is a fight. She doesn't have a set bed time (it's between 6 and 7) I find this helps because I can delay putting her to bed if ds is feeding. If ds is being difficult when I'm putting her to bed I'm afraid he just has to cry for a bit. It's stressful and not very well organised but I just deal whichever one needs it more. If dd has too go to bed later that's fine and if ds has to cry for a few minutes that's fine too. In your situation I would get oh to deal with one of them (perhaps take it in turns) then sort dinner afterwards or cook something that doesn't require constant attention so one of you can keep an eye on dinner and baby.

 

[SarahBear]

It took us a while to figure out bedtime when Leo was born, but we have settled into a routine that works. Early on, my husband was helping out with our oldest while I settled the baby. If the baby wasn't settling and it was the older one's bedtime, he would take the baby. Then for a while, I would take care of teeth and then settle the baby while my husband read stories. Then I would settle the oldest. As it is now, the baby isn't settling by the time the oldest comes to bed (family bed situation), but the routine is basically this: Clean teeth for baby and kid, try to settle the baby in bed while husband reads to kid, nurse both in bed, cuddle oldest for a bit if the baby fell asleep, sit up in bed and do stuff online while oldest finishes falling asleep.

 

[Eleanor ace]

We tend to share bedtimes, DH usually comes home whilst the kids are in the bath and then we'll get them out and one of us will get the baby dressed and the other will get the older two dressed and read them their story. If I'm putting them to bed I get LO dressed while the older ones (4.5 and 2.5) get their pyjamas on (it takes ages as they are major bedtime delayers) and then I feed LO while I'm reading the story. It takes a bit of juggling turning the pages but its OK. Then I feed LO and DH will usually take over going up to the kids, putting them back to bed, or I'll put LO down to go up to them which is a pain as she gets cross, but it's not too bad!

 

[d_b]

Usually OH puts the older two to bed and I take care of the baby. As a newborn she didn't really have a bedtime so if she wasn't crying I would just put her down in the bassinet and help with the boys.

 

[winterbabies3]

I've let ds2 fall asleep on the couch downstairs with us and then I will bring him up. I get him his milk, stuffed animals and turn the lights out. He is done in 5 mins! It works for us now, but something will have to change eventually. It gets to be to much hassle with staying upstairs and laying there with him in bed...why it's different idk but it's almost like he forgets about it and just falls asleep on the couch.

 

[weedle]

Tbh I used it as an opportunity to get the newborn in a routine. Bathed them both together, got baby dry and dressed then eldest dry and dressed. Then fed baby while reading story to eldest then I'd lay baby in his basket while I took eldest to bed. I used to just take the basket downstairs with me and dim the lights

 

[icklemonster]

We both share the routine:
I run bath and undress DD
DH undresses DS
I wash them both, DS first
DH collects DS from tub and dresses him for bed
I wash DD and get her out and dressed
DH then takes over with DD story, teeth while I BF DS. They are then usually both in bed for 7.30pm.

It took a while to get into a routine and DD took ages to stop misbehaving. We also found she went down much easier once we dropped her daytime nap (we even had to bring her bedtime forward from 8pm to 7.30pm). Things really will settle and you'll find a way xx

 

[linzylou]

DD2 is still tiny so I can usually give her to DH or let her nap while I put DD1 to bed. If the baby's fussing I do bath/pj's/teeth for DD1 and then DH will take her upstairs so I can settle the baby. If I'm feeling really ambitious (or when DH is away) I'll do bath/pj's for both girls at the same time, put DD1 down, then feed DD2 and put her down. We're still figuring it out!

 

[Spudtastic]

Thanks ladies. The reassurance that things will get easier is good.

I think I just have to make dh help. It frustrates me that there were three other adults in the house last night yet I was the one doing everything.

If dd2 wasn't cluster feeding/needing settling at dd1s bedtime and if dd1 wasn't playing up all day and then especially at bedtime it would be easier.

I think for now I'm going to have to relax my routine. If dd2 is feeding then dd1 will have to wait until dd2 is asleep. I've tried feeding dd2 whilst readin stories but dd1 is jumping all over the bed and throwing books I need to keep baby put of the way and focus energy on dd1. I hope the playing up doesn't last for long.

 

[linzylou]

That's the worst, when there are other people around but they aren't helping.

We had one really bad night where DD1 was having a massive tantrum at bedtime and DH was locked in a room on the phone with a client. Then the baby started crying halfway through and it was a juggling act to get them both settled. In the end I had to put the baby down for just a min because I felt like DD1 needed me more, and the sooner I got her into bed the sooner I could sit down and feed for as long as DD2 needed. Luckily she was out soon after that. It was stressful though.

Of course DD1 never minds stayed up past her bedtime so if the baby needs fed right around that time, I try to at least get her into her PJ's and then read her a book or two while nursing the baby.

I agree about relaxing the routine. I've had to drastically lower my expectations since having baby #2.