i found out my baby had passed away 12days ago an went into be induced 11days ago i had a little boy an since then i feel like i am stuck on the same day the thought of moving on scares me an on monday he is being moved on to the funeral home he is not going to be in the hospital anymore an thats just one step closer to me not being able to go an see him an hold him an kiss him an to tell him how much i love him at the moment i go an see him 2days running an then i don't for one day cause i have 2 children to look after an i have to find child care an cause he is 20 miles away an i don't drive i have to make the hours journey on the bus me an my husband (he drives) have been going more in the evening when the kids are in bed the hospital dont mind when we go! but once he goes its one step closer to the funeral! but i dont feel any less lost or empty but every one seems to be getting on with things my son is going to school my husband went back to work an my 2 year old has no idea all my friends have been putting happy things on facebook but i am still here i am still stuck on the same day i feel guilty for smiling with my children i still can't eat i feel like i am of no use to any body i don't wanna get up in the morning so we are always late leaving the house (not that my son minds i make him take his scooter so he moves quicker) i feel guilty for feeling so cross at everyone telling me i will have more children or asking me if i will try for another??? really?? its not even been 2 weeks! why don't i feel any better? why don't people think before they say stuff! why am i so stuck? why do i not feel the slightest bit at peace with anything?
Hi, I am so sorry for your loss, but i have been where you are and know exactly how you feel.
i already have 3 kids, 10,7 and almost 2. in oct last year i found I was PG by accident at the age of 40, healthy nuchal scan in december showed all good. At 17 weeks i went to hopital for a check up to find my baby had died at 13-14 weeks.
My Lo was then born sleeping on 12-1-12.
the hospital arranged everything for us and our LO`s funeral service was monday 23rd jan and we laid the ashes to rest the next day in the babies memorial garden at the hospital.
For me time stopped, i didn`t want to eat, or do anything or see anyone, i just wanted to be left alone. Every night before i went to bed i would kiss the photo of my LO and cry. Luckily i slept well, but if i woke in the night i would lie there and cry. i didn`t even want to see my own family.
The days gradually rolled by. I found this site and started writing on here, numerous people told me you will never get over it, but things will get better. At the time you can not imagine that you will ever ever start to feel normal again or that you will ever smile again, but gradually you get there.
i posted on here a while ago and it was headed `two steps forward, one step back` because that`s how it felt. Gradually i would start to feel a little better and then wham, i`d have a bad day and feel like i was starting all over again. Then you go a few more days before it hits you and gradually it does get a little easier.
It`s been 4 months for me now and i can go for quite a few days now without getting upset. What is helping me now is that DH and had a hospital appoinment a couple of weeks ago with a specialist and we have decided to TTC again. That is now helping me as it is giving me something else to focus on.
What you are feeling is perfectly normal and although you can`t possibly imagine it now, things will get better. 4 months ago i was where you are now and people were writing what i am writing now and i would think I will never feel better, but gradually you do.
Take good care of yourself and remember there are lots of lovely ladies on here to help you through this terrible time.