Why do I feel this way?

[shaunanicole]

Being a single parent is really getting too me. Not that I can't find men that are interested and accepting of Ava because I have been on several dates with great men in the past few months and even had one that bought me a Mother's Day ring and offered several times for me and Ava to move in. It's just that I don't feel I am ready for any type of REAL relationship. I hear the words commitment and I am ready to run and I was NEVER that type of girl.

I guess being with a fake for a year and a half has really made me weary of men. I look at their negatives before their positives and then I end up making excuses of why I can't go out with that person on a date again. FOB was a horrible, cruel, spiteful, and emotionally abusive man. I know that NOW but it took me a long time to finally get to this point of reality.

He was never really there for Ava but would at least text and and make phone calls to she how she is doing....and now NOTHING. For the past two months he hasn't asked really much of anything about her, let alone send money or help in anyway, and it pisses me off big time. I talked to him a few weeks ago in person and he said he was really thinking about signing his rights over and this is what I have always wanted because I know he won't ever be there for our daughter but to be honest it really hurt to hear it come out of his mouth.

I keep thinking of how Ava doesn't deserve this and I feel shitty that I really can't do anything about this. God know I have tried everything humanly possible to get her dad involved but him nor his family make any attempts. I tried getting in contact with some of his family via Facebook and NONE of them would reply to my messages or friend requests. That hurt a lot. I feel like their rejecting Ava and how could you reject something so damn precious and perfect????

I know me and FOB will be going to court within the next few months and I know he is going before a jury for some charges he has on him and will most likely be serving a year in prison. It just makes me sick he can make the decisions he does when he has so much to live for and strive for because of Ava. I really can say I hate him for what he has done to me and for what he hasn't done for our daughter.

Just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening.

 

[sciencemum]

Hey,

I'm really sorry to read your post, and I really feel for you and Ava. I know that one day you will move on - I believe that one day it will just feel right and you will take that step forward.

Avas dad doesn't sound like the best of dads in the world, esp if he is willing to sign away his rights, I think he would really regret that later on in life. But, you are doing the best you can as her mum and I think that you are doing a fantastic job, I can see from the way you wrote this message that you really are purely thinking about Ava and that's what a good mum does.

Regarding his family, I don't know what to say, but I can say that I never knew my dad, he was with me till I was about 2 and then went off after he was abusive and violent towards my mum. All the family on his side stopped having contact, I lived round the corner for years from them and I never knew, but they knew me. They never once gave me a card or anything which i find really sad and mostly it upsets my mum.

However i am 23 now and in contact with them, my dad died 5 years ago - Due to alcohol. And I have spoke to them and they said that they didnt have any contact with me cause they just didnt know what to do and it hurt my dad if they ever mentioned me so they just blotted me out and they deeply regret it these days. I am not accepting what Avas dads family have done, i'm just saying that with Avas dad not being around all the time for her and not showing much interest then it makes it harder for them, despite perhaps wanting to. It really is thier loss.

I hope you continue to be such a loving mum and I hope things work out for you.