Why do people say i know what your going through when they DON'T

[elastigirl]

I know it must be hard for people as they don't know what to say to us ladies but if they don't know what to say i would rather them say nothing at all. I am getting very angry with peoples comments lately are they insensitive or am i being over sensitive myself.

When i was explaining it all to my Mil all she said was oohh so we would have had twins in the family that would have been fun. Is she crazy? I wanted to shout back at her yes but i LOST twins.

commenting on some flowers my dh had bought me she went on to complain that she never gets flowers. Duh there was a reason i got them and it wasn't to celebrate anything.

I also have had am i over it yet! over it? i will never be over it and will always remember my babies and the date they should have been born.

But what hurt me the most is my sil and bil who are 4 months pg said we know how you are feeling. I am sorry but YOU DO NOT. You still have your baby i don't. They sent this in a txt and if they say it to my face i may flip. They have never gone through a mc and get pg very quickly and already have 2 children.

I am finding myself getting very jealous of my sil and i can't face seeing her and her bump. I would even go as far as saying i hate her and this is not like me at all. i am not a jealous or angry person but this has changed me.

 

[NickyT75]

x

 

[jen1604]

I think people are trying to tell you that they are there for you and support you.Also I think your MIL doesnt really know what to say,I dont think they are trying to upset you hon.
I think you need to take some time just for yourself hon because this is obviously still all very raw to you and youre still grieving.
xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[elastigirl]

Support i don't think so, I couldn't even get a lift to the hospital the other day. I lost one baby just over 2 weeks ago and the other just over 1 week ago. I still have to go to the hospital every week to have bloods taken as hcg levels still high. Thank god for my dh he is the only one who truely knows the mental and physical pain we are going through other people around us just don't understand.

 

[MrsJD]

Sorry to hear about your loss

XXXXX

 

[pinkgem100]

Hi, i am so sorry for your loss. I had this problem with a few of my cousins (no of them had lost their babys) so they didnt know what i was going through. I told my counciller and she gave me a list of what people should do and what they shouldnt do around me. because people peed me off so much i photocopied them and posted the out to all my family so that they knew how to act. i then got messages of my cousins to say that they where sorry and that they shouldnt have said what they did. to me this helped. Even the people i know that have been through m/c have not even said to me they know what i am going through as everyone is different and copes or reacted differently to the situation.

xx

 

[Cariad_bach]

Hun im so sorry ... i cant begin to imagine what your going through or feeling and thats the honest truth,
Im hopeless at saying the right thing and always tend to put my foot in things but id never dream of saying i know how you feel ..... sending you hugs hun xx

 

[becky77]

I think its a situatuion as you said yourself they dont know what to say so they say all the wrong things, im sure they dont mean to hurt you, but people can be very insensitive.The only people who can understand what you are going through are those that have walked in your shoes.I completely understand what your going through my neice announced her pg they same week i lost my little one and it broke my heart,and even now i cant be around her i had mine in oct.
your right this can change you , but it is very early days for you and things will very slowly get a little easier to cope with.
so sorry for your loss
pm me if you want to chat.
x

 

[vickielm]

Hiya hun.

I also lost twins at the end of last year (had D+C on 12th Jan as they would not come away naturally). My levels only went back to normal and had my neg preg test on Friday night just gone. I also only just stopped bleedeing on and off on Friday.

I totally agree with you about how people act around you. The ones that knew about the pregnancy have been really nice although one comment that is really beginning to PI** me right off is "well it must have happened for a reason, there must have been something wrong with the babies"!! URGGGHHHHH!!! THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND!

I ahve been so strong and even people who did know have been shocked by how i can talk about my losses so soon and not get upset. (its like i have been in a trance, and it is happening to someone else).

What has hurt me more than anything are the people who did not know about the pregnancy and have found out about the losses and they do not want to come and talk to me.... it really gets on my nerves even more than the horrible comments of "i know how it feels"!

Sorry for interrupting your thread hun, and so so so sorry about your losses also. Time is a healer and i am feeling stronger by the day and although some may find it selfish, we are ready to try again now.

HUGS

Vik
x

 

[vickielm]

Oh and i also found out that the young girl i work with announced her pregnancy whilst i was in the process of waiting for my confirmation scan beofre the D+C. I want to be happy for her but it is so hard. She says she understands but i dont think she does not really.

Also i find myself watching her every move. Watching her sly cigarettes in her pocket when she says she is going to the toilet! It is not fair and i am so against letting your baby inhale smoke. (she did say she had stopped!, because of the babys health). She is the only one that really gets on my nearves, going on about her morning sickness and feeling tired etc...no one else really bothers me, i dont resent them. I work with her direct and finding it really hard.

Vik

 

[Widger]

Really sorry to hear about your loss. I think that people say things... anything because they just don't know what to say. I'm sure in time it will be easier to see your sil. I can't see my friend at the moment because his new gf is pregnant. I will have to at some point but just not ready for it yet. You'll also get lots of support on here too. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[elastigirl]

Hiya hun.

one comment that is really beginning to PI** me right off is "well it must have happened for a reason, there must have been something wrong with the babies"!! URGGGHHHHH!!! THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND!

HUGS

Vik
x

Yes i keep getting that line too from my best friend and May be your body just wouldn't have coped with carrying twins that's why you had a mc


What rubbish.

Couldn't go to hosp today as snowed in, they were really funny with me they said well we made it in so can you.
Wish everyone wud get off back a bit.