Why does my body hate me?! :(

[Itsychik]

I've spent the past few days just bursting into tears whenever I think about this

With my DS it took 5 long, agonizing days for my milk to come in and when it did bf'ing seemed to go really well--for a week. Then suddenly my production just dropped out of nowhere and never recovered. My DS started losing weight or just not gaining, was constantly hungry (for 3 weeks after this I fed him hourly during the day and every 2 hours at night, for an hour long each feed). I had a private lactation consultant and my midwife help and we tried EVERYTHING to increase production and nothing helped, and eventually had to combi-feed for the entire time I was able to bf after that (8 months).

So a week and a half ago my DD was born. I've had severe anxiety about breast feeding throughout my whole pregnancy and up until now as I desperately want to be able to EBF (I've been regularly seeing a lactation consultant through my pregnancy to manage this). My milk came in earlier than last time (day 3) which I was psyched about and hoped it was a sign that things would go better this time... and just like my DS things went fantastic the first week (reached birth weight by 6 days!). But for the past 3 days I feel like history is repeating itself! Suddenly my breasts are soft and feel empty, and DD can only be heard swallowing for the first 5 - 10 min and then even though she's sucking, she's unsettled and frustrated. She used to have enough from just one side and now she's still hungry after feeding on both. She's feeding more often and I just know deep in my heart that when I take her to get weighed next week she won't be gaining at anywhere near the same rate as the first week. I used to pump after each feed to stimulate production (and get up to 3 oz each time)... and since these past few days I can barely pump anything at all. Everything is going exactly as it did with my DS. I dedicated 8 weeks with my DS to CONSTANTLY feeding/pumping, taking all the supplements and eating everything I was supposed to and doing everything I was told to increase supply with absolutely no result. Now I have a toddler to look after as well and know I just won't be able to literally spend those hours locked away doing skin-to-skin and bf'ing constantly... and all for nothing as it didn't help last time anyway!

Everyone keeps telling me to trust my body and that things will work out, but they said the same with my DS and they never did

I'm just so sad and confused and frustrated

 

[vtcarter6]

Just want to say, I hear you. It's not easy, especially with another little one at home. This time I'm telling myself to seek pleasure where I can find it and limit anxiety and stress as much as possible, especially since this is probably my last baby.

 

[Emmy0320]

Breastfeeding may be best but formula is not poison. Both are complete nutrition and your baby will be just fine if you need to supplement. Seems like you've done all you can and should be proud.

 

[dairymomma]

Not everyone makes alot of milk and unfortunately some moms have to supplement with formula because they just don't have the supply. I had to start supplementing formula with my son at 6 months and it was only 4 months before I had to start formula bottles with my daughter. And I did it all too-essential oils, supplements, milk supply tea blend (which tasted horrid by the way but I still choked down the required 3 cups per day), massage, pumping, skin-to-skin, etc. Nothing worked. It's frustrating and there's a certain amount of guilt in there too because what's more natural than nursing? But don't let it get you down. You are doing your best and that's what counts.

Oh and if you are wondering, I used Fennel essential oil (diluted 1:1 with coconut oil and massaged on breasts after nursing) and drank Mother's Milk Tea blend (3 cups a day). It seemed like the fennel may have helped a little at least initially but once my supply dropped, there was no recovering it.

 

[MommyJogger]

I'm so sorry you're having a tough time with this. Are you keeping track of Juliet's diapers?
I know it's a really scary time and it feels like history is repeating itself, but I really just want to encourage you to hold on if ebf is what you want to do.
It's important to talk to your IBCLC if you feel like you're having problems because she's much better able to identify a problem if there is one since she's in person. But honestly, a lot of what you're describing sounds really normal for a large population of successful breastfeeders. It's normal for women's breasts to suddenly feel not full or empty at different times during their bf journey. Feeling full for a long time is more the exception than the rule. It's normal for nursing sessions to be closer to 1-hourly than 2-hourly in the newborn phase (DS would feed hourly until he was about 4mo old). It's normal to stop responding to the pump once your milk regulates-- lots of women are able to pump loads during the initial engorgement phase and then aren't able to pump anything after they regulate despite having a healthy supply. Newborns can be fussy at the breast-- it's not always because they're still hungry. I remember I used to think "my god, I have no milk left and he's so upset and trying so hard to nurse", but he just needed a couple good burps because he had an upset tummy and wanted to nurse to make the upset go away even though it just made his poor tummy worse. And weight gain is something to take note of, but it's not always an indication of whether they're actually getting enough milk.
Diaper output really is the only way to know. You're looking for at least 6 wet diapers per day and 3-4 (or more) stools per day. To see what constitutes a wet diaper, you can pour 3 tablespoons of liquid into a fresh diaper. Poops as small as a quarter count as a dirty diaper. You won't get out what isn't put in. If she's putting out waste, she's taking in milk.
I hope things turn out well for you and lo. I really would drop the pumping and just let her nurse as often and however long she wants without watching the clock. If she fusses, you can try to give her a little burp or you can pop her in a carrier and walk around-- the upright position+tummy-to-tummy+jostling from your gait can get burps out really well. I would also recommend keeping a written record of her diapers-- for your reassurance, so that you can show the LC/ped and they have a fuller picture of her overall health, and so that if there is a problem you can identify it in the most accurate way possible. Sometimes diaper output is good and weight gain suffers, but that's a possible indication of a metabolic/tolerance problem and not an indication of breast milk supply. It's something to ask about if the diapers and the weight gain tell different stories.
Good luck, hun, and massive hugs.