Why does your OH wants to wait?

[Lilly12]

Im wondering about this..are they legit reasons?
Or just cause your OH isn't ready?

Mines just isn't ready YET, I feel like hes improving though..hehe.
He's getting used to the idea, slowly but surely.

He also changes his mind all the time, one day he said he was worried about everything financially, then I told him we'd be fine, added up all the bills and how much we would have left, and also tried explaining to him that if you have a healthy baby then it's going to be as expensive as you make it..specially if my breastfeeding works out, it'll be "cheap" for the first years..not that i'll be breastfeeding for years but I mean the older kids get the more expensive.
Plus we already have ALOT saved, and financially we are VERY stable.

Then the next day he said he wasn't worried about the financial aspect at all.. He said he's just preparing himself mentally etc.

I have a gut feeling that we'll be ttc within a year...

BTW Im almost 25 and my husband almost 31.

 

[Miss_d]

My partner puts it down to money and he also did say he didnt want us to have anymore, but the last few weeks he has changed his mind and asked me tonight what names i liked! were not planning to start trying for another year lol so he is keen!!

has he said roughly when he would like uz 2 start trying!

xxx

 

[Lilly12]

Yeah he said "In between now and 2 years" ..he wants to make a baby within 2 years..but im feeling its going to be sooner..


Ohh yes me and my OH talked about names too and he said "dont ask me questions like that, i dont know!!" haha
Then I said that we could name the baby, if its a boy, the same name as him and his dad..and my husband said "that would be great"

 

[Tegans Mama]

I don't know

 

[cocokitten]

my sisters always saying i should wait until we're earning more, shes on a lot more money than we are, but we will never be on that much more within a few years no matter how hard we try so there really is no point.
obviously we'll do the usual saving, but it will be a struggle.
our reasons for waiting are for me to learn to drive and to get married in sept 2011, which are all money and we'll be even more skint! im only 21 but my partners 31 and we cant wait that long, i know others do but i dont want him to be much older than 33 when it happens

 

[angie79]

He does not want to talk about it at all until it happens and the reason he wants to wait is because we have no money or savings and he doesnt have a job at the moment so i guess its a good reason

He does get on my nerves sometimes as he acts like a teenager getting drunk and acting up infront of his friends and says he is not ready. he is 38 - lol
Then most of the time he is adult and says he wants a family and as soon as he can provide for us then we can

xx

 

[tasha41]

OH & I are waiting until we get our own place lol. So both of us are imposing the wait right now.

OH wants to wait until we're out on our own for at least a year (to see how we do financially) to figure out when we're going to try for another baby.

We are looking at buying 3 bedroom houses though right now so if I got pregnant we wouldn't HAVE to move right away



++ also about the cost of children... babies are expensive but toddlers give you a break I'm finding!

They go onto table food,
Use less diapers (go from 10-12/day as a newborn to like 6/day as a 12 month old),
Need less stuff (like bouncy chairs etc)

The main expense with a toddler is clothing!! They wear it out faster running around and stuff. I also had tons of gifts and hand me downs in sizes up to 18 months basically, so I'm having to buy a lot more stuff. Diapers I think I spend about $40/month.. milk probably $10/week (wayy better than $120/mo on formula!)... diaper cream is like $10 and lasts, for us, like 3 months sometimes (if I don't lose it!)..

They'll get more expensive again once they get into activities... like we are putting my LO in kinder kicks soccer, which starts at 18 months, that's $190... we want to put her in gymnastics, that's like $100 but not until she's 3... we have a piano and want to give her piano lessons also.. not sure the cost on that one yet!

Then I'd say they get stupidly expensive closer to 10 when they want iPhones and iPods and laptops and cameras and designer clothes and brand name shoes and bags etc lol

 

[Princess_LV]

My OH has a mixture of legit and not so legit reasons for waiting.

LEGIT: Waiting for me to finish my post-grad course and get a job, which makes a lot of sense as his income alone is not really big enough for us to be comfortable.

Save up a deposit on a house - me getting a job also comes in here, as on his income alone, no bank will give us a big enough mortgage for anything more than a shed lol.

Save up enough to cover my graduate loan repayments throughout maternity leave.

NOT-SO LEGIT: He's "not ready" he thinks having a baby will make a huge change to his life, and I'm not that naive that I disagree with him, I just don't think it will change the things that he thinks it will. Like, he thinks it will stop him being able to go out with his friends. I have 2 issues with this - he hardly ever goes out with his friends anyway, so what would it be changing? And several of his friends have LO's and they manage it, as do their girlfriends and wives.

He also thinks we are not old enough - we are both 23 - IMO this is quite young, but I'm not so sure that age matters tbh.

I've tried telling him that there will never be a perfect time (that age old mantra!) but he won't budge lol x

 

[Dinah]

Money. Pure and simple.

DH's family had no money at all when he was a kid and as a result he went without a lot and got picked on a *lot* at school for it etc so he does not want that for his children. Sadly we stupidly ran up some debts a few years ago and so we want as much of this paid off as possible before starting TTC. I agree with his feelings but I also know that at nearly 28 (me) and nearly 31 (DH) we can't wait too much longer. Thankfully he agrees on that.

We will still have some debt when we start TTC but it will be manageable and hopefully fully paid off before kids are in school and start wanting to join activities etc.

GL all!
Dinah

 

[lilysmum2]

My OH reasons are because of the financial cost and also because he doesn't want anymore yet. Lily is nearlly 9 months old.

He says 5 + years to wait for another....I kind of agreed,,,,,maybe 2+ years for me???

 

[eeyore2911]

ugh, my OH says we can't afford another one (our DS is nearly 6) which may have some truth to it but we both have good jobs but never seem to have any money lol!! Also he now insists he is too old he is 37 (but a young 37 if that makes sense) and I am 32. Am still dropping subtle hints....

 

[x0emz0x]

My OH is currently in college - training to be an electrician so money mostly, as I'm the only full-time worker. He has just got a part-time job working in a bar at weekends, so I'm going to see if he'd be able to start helping to put some money away with me - he gets paid weekly, so maybe £10 a week or even a month would do He's got 1 more year left of college, and he can then start looking for a full-time job.

He would love to have a baby, tho, as 3 of his best mates have a kid each - he's so good with them We both have days when we'll be like 'yes we want one soon' and then 'no, we need to wait a while'

As much as I'd love a baby right now, I know waiting until we are financially ready would be best

 

[ManicsGirl]

Both me and my OH agree we need to wait until we've graduated (from undergrad and postgrad courses in my case, the undergrad in his because he took a gap year to earn some savings), but he does say that we should probably be married first, ideally.

He also comes out with the "not ready" stuff, which is fair enough at 21, BUT! tonight he said that in spring 2012 he's happy to be NTNP!!! So he agrees with me that I should come of BCP at some point late next year so I can see what my periods are "meant" to be like, and we'll start using condoms again. I'm sooo excited!!!

 

[Celesse]

No matter how much you earn, you will always "live to your means". Me and OH decided to TTC Abigail after he lost his job. We no longer had the income to save for a house deposit, but my job, our council house and the added income from WTC & CTC made us secure enough. I don't think you need to aim to be in the perfect position to TTC, things just need to be good enough.

 

[nm123]

I don't think you need to aim to be in the perfect position to TTC, things just need to be good enough.

I agree and this is the angle I'm coming at. I turned 30 a month ago and babies have been on my mind pretty much ever since. OH and I joke about me being broody and he knows I'm thinking about it more and more... He gets this dear-caught-in-headlights expression on his face when I do get serious about it.

The legit vs non-legit stuff applies to us too!

Legit: We've just moved abroad with my work and supposed to be away for 2 years.

Non-legit: OH thinks he's Peter Pan. He's not, he's 31.

I do understand that he's a bit freaked out, I went in the chemist this morning to look for folic acid and came over a bit dazed/shocked. So much more real than reading stuff up on a forum.

Personally, I don't think we'll ever be totally ready and told him that last night, gave him a cuddle and said "don't be scared, be excited"...

 

[aidensxmomma]

My OH wants to wait strictly for financial reasons. Once we are in a better financial position, we can start TTC.

He also wants to wait until our daughter is a little older. Both of his reasons are pretty legit.

 

[NewlyHopeful]

He just doesn't like the "work" part of it. AND he thinks it is too expensive to even kennel the dogs much less get a baby sitter. He is worried we won't have adult time anymore.

 

[AP]

My OH was on and off to start with, now he cant wait to TTC again. The reality of the result hit him obv MEN!!!!!!!!!!