why is FOB's new girlfriend talking to me about baby and not him :/

[stephanie20]

Hi

I have posted a few things on here but basically got pregnant by my boyfriend, he was happy at first then he left me, he came to the first scan and tried to persuade me to have an abortion then came to the second scan and didn't buy a picture and haven't heard from him since.

I assumed he wanted nothing to do with me or baby and had planned to send him a message when I have her telling him or ringing him, hadn't decided yet.

Today I got a random friend request on facebook, accepted it and asked "do I know you?" and got a reply of no but im your ex's new girlfriend and he wants to know about the baby, she asked me when is she due, can he see her and am i okay, I replied saying yeah im okay and yeah he can see her but only with me for the first few months because I plan to breastfeed and she said okay he will be in touch soon. I gave her my mums number and she said he will ring me in a few days.

I'm so down now because I assumed he would want nothing to do with her and was looking forward to having her by myself I don't want someone else playing mummy to her and I don't know what to do. I will let him see her if thats what he wants but I still don't want him on the birth certificate because I think he will use that to cause trouble.

I also don't understand why he has got her to get in touch with me, it doesn't really show that he cares that much if he can't talk to me myself :/ and I don't understand why she has got involved. He has only been with her a few months, I wouldn't get involved in something like that if I had only been with someone a few months :/

Anyway, if he decides he does want to see her now how much access do you think he will be likely to get? Bearing in mind I want to breastfeed her for as long as possible, most of the reasons I don't want him seeing her (he hit me while I was pregnant, got me in a lot of debt, spent all the money on himself while I was pregnant which meant that somedays I went hungry) I can't prove so I don't know if it would be worth it going to court or just sorting it out ourselves. I also don't want his girlfriend seeing her for as long as possible, don't want someone else playing mummy to my daughter same as if I get a new boyfriend I wouldn't want him being a part of her life for a long time.

I'm so annoyed right now and upset

 

[caramelly]

If that man hit you while you were pregnant, you shouldn't let him even see your kids, he might be violent with the baby afterwards too. you have your family by your side and if they are on your side, they will do everything so that you and your baby is ok. She's acting a bit like that baby is hers and your ex.

this is your baby, he left you at the first place. this is all good points for custody of child to be all yours

 

[stephanie20]

i can't prove that he hit me though, i called the police when he did it but it was because he had locked me out of my flat, i said I didn't want to press charges against him for the assault :/

and i know she is, thats what i don't like D;

do you think if i went to court with this i'd win?

 

[JA1988]

Noone wins at court I'm afraid, I would desperately avoid it getting to that stage if you possibly can. If you are breastfeeding then he would only be able to visit your baby for a few hours at a time, supervised by you to begin with, then at 6 months onwards a court might expect you to start letting him take your baby for an hour on his own and then just build it up gradually. If there has been violence then all I could suggest would be a contact centre so that people will watch your ex with your baby during visits and make sure he isn't in any way violent. Overnights would not normally be granted whilst you are breastfeeding and the WHO recommends breastfeeding up to 2 years old and beyond so if you are still breastfeeding then lo will still be with you overnight.

 

[stephanie20]

I don't really want it to go to court too if I'm honest, I'd like to have nice time with my daughter when shes born without the pressure of court, especially as shes my first.

I was thinking of letting him see her with me for about an hour a week for the first few weeks/months then letting him take her on his own for an hour or so and then when shes about 1 if hes still there I'd put his name on the birth certificate for her 1st birthday and then maybe let him have her overnight, but to be honest I think he won't like that and will just say no because I want to be there too. If he does that and then tries to go to court about it he just won't be taken on will he??

How do I get a contact centre? Do I have to prove the violence?

 

[kit10grl]

Playing devils advocate for a minute, maybe the girl doesnt want to play mummy. Give her the benefit of the doubt till she acts otherwise. Its possible she met your ex, found out he had a baby on the way but was taking nothing to do with it and she thought he was being an ass about it. If she has given him a different perspective enough to want to be part of the babys life maybe she is just a nice person? Maybe not, but until she acts otherwise.

Im not saying you should let her be paprt of your LO's life straight away or anything but she sounds like maybe she could help your ex grow up and be a daddy for your LO, if she really is nice she wont push you and will wait till you are happy before she wants to spend time with your LO

 

[stephanie20]

Playing devils advocate for a minute, maybe the girl doesnt want to play mummy. Give her the benefit of the doubt till she acts otherwise. Its possible she met your ex, found out he had a baby on the way but was taking nothing to do with it and she thought he was being an ass about it. If she has given him a different perspective enough to want to be part of the babys life maybe she is just a nice person? Maybe not, but until she acts otherwise.

Im not saying you should let her be paprt of your LO's life straight away or anything but she sounds like maybe she could help your ex grow up and be a daddy for your LO, if she really is nice she wont push you and will wait till you are happy before she wants to spend time with your LO

To be honest that is what I think, she is older than him and when she was talking to me she seemed nice but I know what hes like. I wouldn't put it past him to have said I was the bad, crazy one in the relationship and they were both there while she was talking to me waiting for me to say no he can't see the baby because of how hes acted so that he can say yeah shes being unreasonable...again.

I do like the sound of her and if he is still part of my LG's life and still with this girl in a year or so I would feel better leaving my LG with him and her rather than one of his usual girlfriends (15 year olds lol)