MissEfendi
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- May 9, 2009
- Messages
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I am new here, I got dragged here by a friend who is also a single mum herself.
The short version about my background is that I met my ex on a rebound after a very long term relationship that ended after 13 years ( though we are still friends) I met my ex, the baby of my father shortly after and I thought he was great, he seemed down to earth, funny, had a job and his own place so we dated but it was too much, too quickly, too soon, in the space of less than a year we split up three times, he left me at a hotel on holiday and was going to go home without me because he didn't like the waiter's friendship with me. I had a miscarriage, but above all of that he was extremely insecure, needy, and controlling and we just kept arguing all the time.
Found out he is full of bullshit too, he lies and this I put down to the fact that he has been smoking cannabis since he was 19 which I didn't know about until it was too late, his best friends smoke cannabis also. We are both 31 and have no children.
Anyway found out I was pregnant again, we got engaged, he asked me to give up my job and move to his area, miles away from my family and friends.
It was hell, he gave me no money, he was out all day at work, he was controlling and contented for me just to be in the flat miserable, he refuses for us to relocate somewhere neutral and despite my being pregnant and being so ill that I ended up in hospital on a drip, he still used to keep making demands on me such as wanting sex and lots of attention even though I was ill and suffering from 24 hours nausea for 5 months!
Anyway, I decided I cannot live like that, that he only cares for himself so at around 8 weeks pregnant, I ended the relationship and went back home.
We kept arguing lots via texts and emails, I told him to return my stuff, when he came up to return my stuff I told him despite not being together I hoped we could be friends for our son's sake and gave him some photos of the first scan I went to alone ( Didn't take him as we were both arguing so much) rather than sit and talk through agreements about our son,he stormed out of the house when I was 12 weeks pregnant and that was the last I saw of him, we just spent the remaining time bitching via text until eventually I told him we need to call a truce and to stop it because our son is the one suffering in all of this because it was stressing me out which in return is stressing our son out. Especially since the ex really pushed his luck by trying to involve my mum by texting her stupidity such as " Your daughter would not let me touch her belly or talk to belly" My mum was disgusted that he texted her nonsense like that and since I was only 8 weeks pregnant at the time and ill why on earth would I want him touching and talking to my belly? but that is the kind of control freak he is. He even used to hassle me all the time about not wanting to walk around naked, he thought I was a prude because he liked to walk around naked at home.
He agreed to stop bitching and we have actually been getting on well, I have been updating him on everything, even been emailing his mum who i don't like to update her on baby. We agreed on the names, and I told him I am so happy we are getting on well as friends.
Well, yesterday something changed as I told him that since i am not working and i am on benefits I will need to update Social about my circumstances and what would he like me to do about it?
He replied back that he has now decided he wants to go through CSA and Solicitors!!! What?! Why?!
I get just £40 a week benefits, when baby comes, I will get £55 a week, because the ex would rather give the CSA his whole £70 a week which means out of that £70 I will get just £10, giving me and his son £55 a week to pay for food, gas and electric. I had not even ASKED him for money, I could understand him doing this if I was a being unreasonable and one week I asked for £50, and the following week I asked for £100 but I would have just wanted something like £20 a week until I am back at work, then I will be able to have his whole £70 to help towards bills.
Anyway, I asked him why he has decided he wants to go and make it all restricted, formal and horrible, he said so that he has rights to his son.
I never ONCE denied him his rights, and I told him, that since we are not married I don't HAVE to put his name down on the birth certificate, I don't HAVE to use his surname and if I am not getting any money off him he has no case because CSA would not be involved since I WON'T be requesting his money from him. He obviously needs his ten pounds much more then I do.
I texted him today to say I want to see him today because I Am furious, he replied he is watching a match ( nice of him to put a match before his son's welfare) and why am I furious that he wants rights and to do it legally?
I said to him because by doing it HIS way, it means I won't be putting his name down on the birth certificate now or using his surname because he is obviously going to use it to control me and the baby so the only access he will be able to have of his son is via courts, which means he will see his son what 2 hours a week? supervised in an office somewhere? That is what he wants to do legally rather than us have a friendship and we both decide ourselves on when he can see baby ( I want our son to have a good relationship with his dad) but no, seems like the ex is keen to do it through the solicitors.
What are his rights? I don't want my son left overnight with him at such a young age, I don't mind it when he is 3 and talking so he can tell me if he is happy but I am not due until August, it is my first child, I will be breastfeeding him and I am awfully protective over him because his dad is just a control freak and I don't want my son being used or unhappy. Will the court demand that my son can stay with his dad without me there overnight despite him being breastfed and us living miles away from each other?
I will also be writing a will that my sister gets to have my son if anything should happen to me, as the ex is not responsible.
I am so worried and upset about the possibility of not being able to protect my son and him being away from me.
HELP!!!
The short version about my background is that I met my ex on a rebound after a very long term relationship that ended after 13 years ( though we are still friends) I met my ex, the baby of my father shortly after and I thought he was great, he seemed down to earth, funny, had a job and his own place so we dated but it was too much, too quickly, too soon, in the space of less than a year we split up three times, he left me at a hotel on holiday and was going to go home without me because he didn't like the waiter's friendship with me. I had a miscarriage, but above all of that he was extremely insecure, needy, and controlling and we just kept arguing all the time.
Found out he is full of bullshit too, he lies and this I put down to the fact that he has been smoking cannabis since he was 19 which I didn't know about until it was too late, his best friends smoke cannabis also. We are both 31 and have no children.
Anyway found out I was pregnant again, we got engaged, he asked me to give up my job and move to his area, miles away from my family and friends.
It was hell, he gave me no money, he was out all day at work, he was controlling and contented for me just to be in the flat miserable, he refuses for us to relocate somewhere neutral and despite my being pregnant and being so ill that I ended up in hospital on a drip, he still used to keep making demands on me such as wanting sex and lots of attention even though I was ill and suffering from 24 hours nausea for 5 months!
Anyway, I decided I cannot live like that, that he only cares for himself so at around 8 weeks pregnant, I ended the relationship and went back home.
We kept arguing lots via texts and emails, I told him to return my stuff, when he came up to return my stuff I told him despite not being together I hoped we could be friends for our son's sake and gave him some photos of the first scan I went to alone ( Didn't take him as we were both arguing so much) rather than sit and talk through agreements about our son,he stormed out of the house when I was 12 weeks pregnant and that was the last I saw of him, we just spent the remaining time bitching via text until eventually I told him we need to call a truce and to stop it because our son is the one suffering in all of this because it was stressing me out which in return is stressing our son out. Especially since the ex really pushed his luck by trying to involve my mum by texting her stupidity such as " Your daughter would not let me touch her belly or talk to belly" My mum was disgusted that he texted her nonsense like that and since I was only 8 weeks pregnant at the time and ill why on earth would I want him touching and talking to my belly? but that is the kind of control freak he is. He even used to hassle me all the time about not wanting to walk around naked, he thought I was a prude because he liked to walk around naked at home.
He agreed to stop bitching and we have actually been getting on well, I have been updating him on everything, even been emailing his mum who i don't like to update her on baby. We agreed on the names, and I told him I am so happy we are getting on well as friends.
Well, yesterday something changed as I told him that since i am not working and i am on benefits I will need to update Social about my circumstances and what would he like me to do about it?
He replied back that he has now decided he wants to go through CSA and Solicitors!!! What?! Why?!
I get just £40 a week benefits, when baby comes, I will get £55 a week, because the ex would rather give the CSA his whole £70 a week which means out of that £70 I will get just £10, giving me and his son £55 a week to pay for food, gas and electric. I had not even ASKED him for money, I could understand him doing this if I was a being unreasonable and one week I asked for £50, and the following week I asked for £100 but I would have just wanted something like £20 a week until I am back at work, then I will be able to have his whole £70 to help towards bills.
Anyway, I asked him why he has decided he wants to go and make it all restricted, formal and horrible, he said so that he has rights to his son.
I never ONCE denied him his rights, and I told him, that since we are not married I don't HAVE to put his name down on the birth certificate, I don't HAVE to use his surname and if I am not getting any money off him he has no case because CSA would not be involved since I WON'T be requesting his money from him. He obviously needs his ten pounds much more then I do.
I texted him today to say I want to see him today because I Am furious, he replied he is watching a match ( nice of him to put a match before his son's welfare) and why am I furious that he wants rights and to do it legally?
I said to him because by doing it HIS way, it means I won't be putting his name down on the birth certificate now or using his surname because he is obviously going to use it to control me and the baby so the only access he will be able to have of his son is via courts, which means he will see his son what 2 hours a week? supervised in an office somewhere? That is what he wants to do legally rather than us have a friendship and we both decide ourselves on when he can see baby ( I want our son to have a good relationship with his dad) but no, seems like the ex is keen to do it through the solicitors.
What are his rights? I don't want my son left overnight with him at such a young age, I don't mind it when he is 3 and talking so he can tell me if he is happy but I am not due until August, it is my first child, I will be breastfeeding him and I am awfully protective over him because his dad is just a control freak and I don't want my son being used or unhappy. Will the court demand that my son can stay with his dad without me there overnight despite him being breastfed and us living miles away from each other?
I will also be writing a will that my sister gets to have my son if anything should happen to me, as the ex is not responsible.
I am so worried and upset about the possibility of not being able to protect my son and him being away from me.
HELP!!!
